Wonderland [WWE] [Shawn Michaels] {Book 1}

Chapter 49: That Would Make Us Both Happy

[Kat]

Christmas was behind us, but the aftermath still lingered. I could feel the tension in the air between Shawn and I even as he held my hand and walked out to the ring. He kept a grip on me, almost like he was afraid to let go.

It was the Royal Rumble and finally time for his main event against Mark. It was going to be a casket match, designed specifically for the Undertaker. Despite my jumbled feelings for Shawn and the butterflies that beat around my stomach as I was watching him, I was excited for the match. Shawn and Mark were two of the best, and they would surely put on a show.

Paul and Joanie walked out with us, of course. Paul was still on crutches from his knee injury the previous month. That was a scary time, considering what Shawn had gone through with his knee injury a year ago.

I left the ring with Paul and Joanie, after giving Shawn a small kiss, just a quick peck, and begging him to be careful. He didn't say anything at all to me, just kept staring ahead. He was always so focused.

Mark's entrance included a sudden blast of fire from the ring posts, causing Shawn to duck under the bottom rope and surrender to ringside. Playing up his scaredy-cat role, he stood behind me as Mark finished with the pomp and circumstance.

The match started with rapid offense from both of them. Very soon, Shawn was knocked out of the ring via a back body drop. The spot was nothing out of the ordinary, except for the way he landed. His back hit the casket hard.

When Shawn laid there on the floor for what I considered a moment too long, I rushed to his side. I crouched down to him, asking if he was alright.

"I'm fine," he growled. Before I could say anything else, he shoved me out of the way he and Mark went at it again.

There was one thing I knew for sure: he was not fine.

The match carried on as planned. Shawn didn't want to stop for a moment longer, no matter what he felt like. I wished he would just admit when he was hurt. You can't always be superman.

Shawn and Mark went back and forth, in and out of the ring. They used chairs, the steel steps, and announcer tables to wear each other down. Throwing each other into the casket, then climbing back out... the two of them knew how to tell a story.

While at ringside, Paul used his crutch to choke Mark a little. Shawn got him back into the ring soon enough and there were at it again.

As I watched them, I kept thinking about how normal it all seemed. To everyone else, we looked the same way we did every week. Little did they know we were going through the motions.

They didn't know about the tears, and fights, and beers from the past month. They didn't know Shawn and I may have been worse than we had ever been.

At one point, both Shawn and Mark fell into the casket. The match couldn't end in a draw, so they waited for Shawn to climb back out. He did, and Mark pulled him back in. They both exited the casket and made it back to the ring.

Mark tore Shawn to shreds. With a chokeslam straight from hell and a tombstone into the casket, it looked like it was over for the champion. But just as Mark went to shut the lid, he was blindsighted by the New Age Outlaws and Los Boricuas.

Even though I knew it would happen, I jumped when the lights shut off. I felt Paul's hand on my shoulder steady me, so I knew he saw how on edge I was.

Kane's music played and he walked down the ramp. He cleared the ring, seemingly to help his "brother". In the meantime, Paul and Joanie and I helped Shawn out of the casket.

Kane turned on his blood in one swift motion, and as soon as Shawn slammed the lid, the match was over.

The segment went on, with Paul Bearer and Kane, but our part was done. We made it to the back swiftly and cleanly. No showboating today.

I grabbed Shawn's upper arm and spun him toward me. "Are you okay? You hit hard."

"I always hit hard." He shrugged his arm out of my grasp. "I'm fine. I just need a shower and to sleep it off. Maybe a beer."

"I'm worried about you, Shawn. You can't just shrug everything off."

"I'm not 'shrugging it off' if there's nothing to worry about. I took a bump. Nothing special. I do it every week."

"You're going to end up killing yourself," I spat. I hadn't meant it, the words just came spewing out. Once they were out there, I couldn't take them back. I wished I could.

The flicker of hurt in his eyes was almost too much. He quickly masked it with his same old indifference. He could hide from the rest of the world behind his facade, but not from me. "That would make us both happy, wouldn't it?"

The feeling that shot through me when he said that is indescribable. I felt like I was going to throw up.

Of course that wasn't what I wanted. The fact that he even thought that--

Before either of us could do any more damage or cause more of a scene than we already were, Paul broke it up.

Nudging us both forward, he said, "Let's at least get out of here before the two of you blow up."

Knowing he was right, I sealed my lips and kept walking. I didn't say another word in the arena, or even in the rental on the ride back to the hotel.

I just kept replaying Shawn's words in my head. That would make us both happy, wouldn't it?

I couldn't understand his logic anymore. Nothing he said made any sense to me.

You'd be better off without me.

You deserve someone better.

That would make us both happy, wouldn't it?

He kept rambling these things to me every time we started arguing. I had a feeling he was saying them to himself so often, he was beginning to believe they were true. They couldn't be further from the truth.

I tried to tell him that, but he shot me down every time. I didn't know what I did at Christmas that set him off, but his mindset was all wrong since then.

He didn't feel like he was good enough for me. I tried my best to tell him he was all I needed, all I wanted.

He convinced himself that I was lying to him.

I didn't want to fight with him any more in the hotel, so when he went to take a shower, I went straight to bed. I turned to face the wall, so my back would be to him. I missed the times when I would cuddle right up with him. At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more.

I couldn't sleep, no matter how long my eyes were closed for. I felt Shawn crawl into bed beside me, heard him sigh, and in his sleep, felt his arms wrap around me.

That would make us both happy, wouldn't it?

-----
-A/N-
I am getting Wonderland done before the New Year and none of you can stop me.

Did I ever show y'all this?? I made it for 20k reads and I think I forgot to post it.