The Secret Life of a Toilet Dweller

Twenty One

“Jase?” I breathed.

“What would you say?” He repeated continuing to kiss me. He could probably hear my heart beat against his lips every time he kissed my chest. I didn’t understand how all this had escalated so quickly.

“Please..” I begged, but I didn’t know what I was begging for. For him to stop or for him to carry on? He traced his lips back up to my face. I couldn’t stop looking at him. He held me watching me intently. He leaned in, like a moth to the light, he leaned in closer to my lips. I moved my head to the side so he kissed my cheek instead.

“Please Jason.” I repeated again. Jason slowly dropped me and my feet touched the ground. I would have fallen over if I wasn’t still leaning on Jason.

“What’s the problem?” I sighed. My heart continued to pound. Jason was staring at me frowning and I felt like a child about to be told off.

“Nothing.” I needed to do something with myself so I touched my hair making sure it was still in place. It was.

Jason just looked at me. He was aware I didn’t want to have this conversation but he ignored that fact. “Then why are you still acting as if you don’t want this?”

“How are you so certain I’m acting?” The look in his eyes made me look back down. I tried to move to one side but he followed me, blocking me.

“When are you going to be real?”

“I’m not a unicorn.” I said rolling my eyes moving to the left. Again he followed me, blocking me.

“You know what I mean.” I sighed again moving to the right. Again, like a little girl he followed me, blocking me. “When are we going to have a serious conversation about this?” What the hell was this ‘this’ he referred to. I didn’t understand why he had this weird need to try to make me ‘admit’ this imaginary fairy feelings he thought I had for him.

“Jason can I just leave please?” I pleaded.

“So we’re not going to discuss this?” I bit back my tongue and held my eyes from rolling. Instead I shook my head. There was nothing to discuss.

I didn’t think he would move. He remained silent until a small half snort – half sigh left his mouth. He shook his head moving to the side allowing me to pass.

***

“We could watch that one?” Richard pointed to a movie poster that hinted at what the movie was about. The main colour was pink, enclosed with a flowery border and the poster was dominated by a man and woman arm in arm smiling. I made a face. I could tell it was going to be a sloppy love film. My eyes moved onto the poster next to it.

“Or that one?” I pointed. The poster was all black with two red eyes inviting the reader to “Walk into the darkness…” It was clearly a horror movie. I never thought that there would be a time where a horror movie was not appropriate. Richard nodded. I’m sure he was relieved that I had picked that one. He moved towards the line getting our tickets. I didn’t even bother trying to bring out my purse, I knew full well Richard wouldn’t let me pay.  When we bought snacks again I didn’t attempt to pay. He told me to pick what I wanted, which I did, but I remained aware of the price. I would have to pay him back somehow.

We walked into our Cinema Screening room and the struggle to find good seats began. I always liked to sit in the middle near the front so I could almost feel the actors breathe on me. But then again, this was a horror movie, how close to the front did I really want to be. My eyes flicked to Richard. Maybe he wanted to do that thing I had always read about. That thing where the boys sit at the back with the girl and have each other’s tongues lodged in each other throats for most of the movie.