phan

Secret Admirer

(credit to: Botanistlester on tumblr)
(If they find this on here and would like for it to be taken down, will do just message me and I'll take it down)

The day Dan opened his locker to a strange slip of paper folded into an origami star was one of the strangest moments of his life.
"What," Dan said simply, giving the offending paper a strange look. He bent down and retrieved it, staring at it long and hard. It was thin, made with a flowery paper, and he could just make out words written in very small print on it. "What," Dan said again.
With a small amount of struggle, Dan managed to unwrap the star, revealing the writing inside. The script was sloppy to the point where Dan thinks it was written with the wrong hand. Dan said "what" again and the word didn't even sound like it was real anymore. It took him a few minutes to read what it said due to the scribble, but he eventually managed.
'i used to stare out the window because i thought the scenery was beautiful. Then i saw you and suddenly the world didnt seem nearly as captivating as before.'
Dan gaped at it. He was horribly confused. Who could have written something like this? It wasn't like he was well-known or popular at school. He was just a nerd who liked to listen to music too loud and go on long rants about movies nobody cared about. Did this person get the right locker? Surely not. Dan was just... Dan. Not anyone to be marvelled at.
"What's that?" The voice made Dan jump and he whipped around to glare at Phil with a hand over his heart.
"You scared me," Dan admonished.
"Sorry," Phil replied unapologetically. He peered at the piece of colourful, wrinkled paper in Dan's hands. His gaze was curious and Dan felt a wave of embarrassment hit him as Phil sidled closer to him so he could read. "What's that?" He asked again.
Dan shoved his friend away from him, trying his best to hide the note. "It's nothing," Dan replied.
Phil snorted and snatched the paper from Dan's hands, scanning over it much more quickly than Dan had been able to. His eyes widened and he gasped comically at the realisation of what it was. "A love note!" His voice was loud, too loud, and Dan shushed him, slapping a hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!" Dan hissed, glancing around. Nobody seemed to be looking at them, thankfully. Phil's eyes were comically wide and he was snickering, the bastard. "It is not!"
"Really? Because that's what it looks like to me. Little Danny has a secret admirer!"
Dan glared at him until Phil's giggles subsided to mindful curiosity. He peered over at the note once more, cocking his head to the side. "Who do you think left it for you?" He asked curiously.
Sighing, Dan shrugged and shoved the note into his pocket. Maybe he could pretend it was all a dream. Not that he wasn't ecstatic that someone liked him but it was a bit /weird/. Almost like he was in a dramatic romance movie. Dan was not romance movie material. "Who knows," Dan muttered, slamming his locker shut and shouldering his way through the crowd towards his locker. He knew Phil would follow. "The only people I talk to are you and Louise and I know for a fact that you both don't want to secretly get in my pants. Must be someone I don't talk to."
Phil hummed and Dan glanced over at him in time to see him rubbing his chin. "It /is/ quite peculiar," he commented. "I mean, who would have a crush on /you/ of all people?"
Dan shoved him. Phil shoved him right back. A teacher yelled at them to settle down.
After they quit brawling, Dan groaned and shook his head. "I'm too much of an idiot to figure this out on my own. I officially appoint you to be my trusty sidekick."
Phil stared at him suspiciously. "And what does that mean, exactly?"
"You're going to help me find my secret admirer."
"Fuck that. I'm out."
Dan grabbed Phil's bicep as he tried to skitter away. "Oh no you don't. You wanted to get nosy so you're in this mess with me."
Phil narrowed his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose. He crossed his arms, dislodging Dan's hand. "And what do I get out of it?"
"My eternal love and happiness?" Phil stared at him. Dan sighed. "Fine. I'll buy you the new Fallout game."
"Deal. Operation: Secret Admirer commenced."
"You're such a nerd," Dan complained, but it made Phil smile.
"I know. But you love me anyways."
Dan couldn't really argue with that.
-
"I know who my secret admirer is," Dan said, slamming his hands down on the table. Phil jumped at the noise and stared at him like he'd grown two heads. He raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah?" Phil squeaked. Dan made a joke about Phil going through puberty again so he cleared his throat and repeated, "Yeah? Who is it?"
"Amber Williams," Dan responded. He sat down in the chair across from Phil, putting his hand in his chin. He gnawed on his lip and brought out the last three lovenotes he'd gotten throughout the week from his pocket. They were crumpled and worn from being stuffed in his jeans the entire week, but they were still readable.
Phil snorted and shook his head in disbelief. "Amber Williams." He didn't sound amused in the slightest.
Dan kicked him under the table and pouted. "What? The signs are all there! She's the perfect candidate!"
"What in God's name gave you the idea that Amber Williams is interested in you? Are you out of your mind?"
Okay, so maybe it was wishful thinking. But the signs were all there nonetheless! Amber was absolutely gorgeous and there wasn't one boy in the entire high school who hadn't had a crush on her at one point.
She had long, wavy brown hair and these beautiful hazel eyes and high cheekbones. Her lips were plump and pink, and she smelled like peonies. Dan had noticed her staring at him in the hallways and that had to mean she was the one.
"She stares at me whenever she sees me!" Dan defended. "She's totally into me!"
Phil exhaled and shook his head. He looked mildly disappointed. Perhaps he was disappointed with their progress. "Dan, most of the student body stares at you. You wear something leather every day, for christ's sake."
Dan hated Phil a lot. "You leave me and my leather out of this," he deadpanned, touching his leather hat defensively.
"Point is," Phil continued, completely ignoring Dan's comment. "Try again. You suck at being a detective."
"Like you're any better," Dan muttered, but he smiled when Phil tapped his foot under the table, just a little reassuring touch, before going back to the textbook he was reading.
-
The letters kept coming, and Dan was nowhere near finding the culprit.
He was flattered in all honesty, but he was getting increasingly annoyed that he couldn't seem to find who was putting them in his locker in the first place. He was starved for attention and he needed to know, damn it!
So he was going to find out.
The notes had been coming for about a month now, saying increasingly sappy things about Dan's eyes and how his dimple was cute and how the person wished they could tell him who they were. It was endearing and Dan wanted to find them and get to know who they were.
He showed up for school an hour early, dragging himself out of bed with as much enthusiasm as a turtle. It was all in the name of science, of course.
The school was empty, eerie, save for the random teachers and the occasional school police officer. They nodded at Dan as he walked past and Dan smiled back awkwardly.
When he got to his locker, he ducked into a nearby classroom and waited, waited, waited. He waited so long that he started to fall asleep once more, nodding off before catching himself and prying his eyes open, waitinf dor the exact moment his admirer showed up.
Twenty minutes before school started, Dan was about to call it a day and give up. And then there was movement.
He straightened up, watching the figure intensely as it approached his locker. They were wearing a hoodie so Dan couldn't see their face. The person looked around, making sure nobody was near, and then started to put in the locker combination.
Dan was up in a flash. Now was his chance! He had to see who it was, or it was going to kill him from the inside-out.
He opened the door to the classroom and stumbled out, watching as the figure froze with the interruption. They didn't move though, just stood there, with a small origami star clutched between their fingers.
Dan approached them slowly, as if they were a frightened deer. He reached out and patted their shoulder, and he could feel them tense underneath his fingertips.
"Hi," he said simply. "So you're the one who's been leaving notes."
It seemed as if the admirer was at war with themselves. They were tense and hesitating, refusing to move even as Dan let his hand fall to give them space. And then their shoulders sagged. "Hi," the person said.
Dan could have sworn he shit his pants. He'd recognize that voice anywhere, even though the person hadn't turned around. "Phil?!" He gasped.
Phil turned and his eyes were glued to his feet. He was gnawing on his lip and his hands were fiddling nervously at his sides. "Erm. Surprise?"
Surprise? Dan felt like his entire life had suddenly been turned upside down. His heart was pounding so fast he could hear it in his ears and his hands were shaking, trembling like he had just had the biggest scare of his life. But mostly, he was just filled with disbelief. "You're my secret admirer?" He asked quietly, curiously.
Phil didn't answer for a moment, and then he slowly nodded. His adam's apple moved as he gulped. "Yes."
"Is... is this a joke?" Dan laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. He immediately regretted it when Phil's face crumpled as if he was about to cry. He also regretted it when his stomach clenched and he was suddenly hoping it wasn't a joke.
What the fuck was that about.
Phil was silent for a long time. He didn't meet Dan's gaze, staring at the linoleum floor as if it was the most interesting thing in his entire life. "Do you want it to be?" He answered finally, voice quiet. Small. Dan missed it when they were joking around and happy, just like they always were. He didn't like this scared and uncertain Phil.
"I..." Dan started. He bit his lip. What could he even say to that? "I don't mind if you have a crush on me," Dan got out eventually.
Phil's face turned so red that it put tomatoes to shame. He finally looked up then, meeting Dan's eyes with a cautious, incredulous look. "You don't mind?"
Dan shrugged. "I'd rather have it be you than anyone else." He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his fucking chest.
Phil laughed then, shaking his head. His laugh was one of disbelief and Dan didn't blame him. Either way, Phil was smiling again and Dan's heart did a little stutter in his chest. "You're wild, Dan Howell."
"Do you want to kiss me?" The words were out before Dan could think about it and he flushed with embarrassment. What the fuck was he thinking?
"I mean, typically if you have a crush on someone, you want to kiss them. So yeah," Phil answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world. The only way Dan could tell he was nervous was by the way his eyebrow twitched. Other than that, he didn't bat an eye.
Dan took a deep breath and with that, a step closer. "Do you want to try?"
Phil cocked his eyebrow and stared up at him quizzically. They were so close that Dan could see the flecks of yellow and green in his gaze. For some reason, Dan felt faint. "What does that accomplish? You don't even like me."
Dan shrugged. "We can at least try, right? If it's horrible, we'll never speak of it again and you can at least have the knowledge that you've kissed the guy you have a crush on. Not many people can say that, you know."
"And if it's good?" Phil breathed. Dan could feel his breath on his lips.
"Then we keep doing it?" Dan replied quietly. They were already attached at the hip. What difference did it make if the added kissing to the mix?
Phil's breath hitched and he nodded slowly. "I can live with that."
It was from that encouragement that Dan closed the gap between them.
He didn't know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. Their lips touched softly, unsurely, and it felt as if he was kissing his best friend. It wasn't in a bad way, no.
Phil's lips were soft and uncertain and feather-light. He kissed like he never wanted to stop, like he wanted to savour the moment as best as he possibly could. Dan found himself pressing his lips more firmly to Phil's, one hand around Phil's waist while the other one lay rested softly against Phil's cheek. He stroked his cheekbone with his thumb as they kissed, feeling his best friend in a way he never thought he would before.
They pulled away after a moment, their cheeks brushed pink and their breath coming out slightly too heavy. Dan's chest constricted at the glazed look on Phil's face, and he could hardly believe he hadn't noticed how nice Phil looked up close before.
"Good?" Phil squeaked.
"Good," Dan agreed, and he leaned in to kiss him again. "But I still expect to get love notes in my locker every day."
Phil groaned and shoved him off of him. He glared at him and Dan grinned because, even though they'd kissed, nothing had changed between them. "Bugger off."
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me now," Dan told him, and Phil just smiled, leaning in to peck his cheek.
"Good."