Loving You Is Forbidden (Third Book of "Fire and Ice" series)

CH 13: A Shadow from the Past

Dear All,

here is the new chapter as promised today.

I really hope you will enjoy it and as always, I will be looking forward to reading your comments and messages! You know how much I love them :-)

Once more, thank you for your support and for being such wonderful readers.

I wanted to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend Derreck Sanchez and I want you all to know he's an amazing author and he actually published 2 works that can be found online for purchase (search in Amazon): "Shadow Wood", book 1 and book 2 is: "Shadowed Choices", they are part of the "Shadow Wood Chronicles". You will find them under the names of Dee Jordan and Konstantine Alexandre. Please, let us show him our support, he deserves it very much!

I added a picture of Vincent, gang's member and former friend of Anatoly (--> very handsome model Kieron Wraith) and a song from Relient K that was suggested to me by FrozenEscence: thank you, I really like it and it really fits Anatoly and his story :)

For now, please enjoy the chapter!

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do", by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

OLEG POV:

My eyes darted open as the dream faded away and I closed them for another short, indulging moment, almost praying for the dream to not be pure fiction of my brain and desire. Anatoly yet again was the sole object of my recent dreams, aside one I had on Sunday about my late grandmother; she always used to say that they were meant to guide our minds and hearts, because generated by the most sincere, candid desire and wish. Only now her words made sense in my mind and only now I understood what she meant entirely. My eyes kept closed as my mind recalled the fading image of Anatoly sleeping beside me in complete peace and serenity, feeling undisturbed by very light kisses that my lips dared to leave on his forehead.

How ironical to realize that two persons like Anatoly and I, very similar in wanting privacy, in not desiring unnecessary physical contact and in being not touchy-feely in the least, we seemed to behave the complete opposite when together. He had a way in me that made me want to bare myself completely naked in front of him, in every possible meaning. It was now clear to me, since last weekend, that he reciprocated my identical feeling and need.

I willed my eyes to open at once and I sat on the bed, looking at the side of my bed that was empty, because that was the right thing. Or was it not? I doubted that Mr. Denisov meant to say those words in any other way than honest kindness and gratitude, and the idea that they made me doubt my own resolution was something I could not forgive to myself. It felt as if I was abusing of his trust and kindness, using it to justify what I wished to take for myself only.

Would I ever be able of losing Anatoly to another man? The question kept going in endless circles in my mind and resonated such a painful note in my soul and body that the best was to shut it down.

Would I ever be able to of losing Anatoly? I let out a dry and short laugh.

I knew the answer all too well, and I knew what the mere thought moved inside me. I did not like it, because it was all too foreign and unknown things were always the most dangerous and difficult to handle. I got up at once and walked to the punching bag, letting out what the thoughts had triggered in me. I was mostly upset with myself for my complete lack of true and unbreakable resolution, for how I tried to justify every single word and touch conveyed to Anatoly. I was considerably livid and disappointed by the fact that a man of my age let a young punk fifteen years younger take troubles in his hands and solve it in a way that was not real solving. My hook sank in the bag viciously and the chain threatened to break as my jab followed with merciless ferocity.