Loving You Is Forbidden (Third Book of "Fire and Ice" series)

CH 14: Feeling closer - shredding harder (Part 1)

Dear all,

I am sorry because I said I would post on Sunday, but it was not possible.

I had been on holiday for a couple of weeks and there was no free time to write; seeing how many of you worried, I should have written a message before. Sorry about that ^^

Here is the new chapter and given the fact it came out rather long, I decided to split it in two parts. It is an important chapter under many aspects and I think you'll understand what I mean.

I would love to post every week, but I can't promise about it: I work, I train and as you can see, my chapters are long and intricated, which means it takes some extra time. But I'll try my best :)

Once more, thank you very much for your support, for being wonderful readers and to enjoy my stories, to write me lovely messages: it's a honour for me.

I have posted a picture of Viola --> beautiful Lead Monster Bunny, because I like her character and I would like to better develop it. Also, here is a song that seemed good for Oleg and Anatoly.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to FrozenEscence, because I know how much you enjoy Oleg and Anatoly's story :)

Well, as usual let me know what you think of this new chapter and... shortly I will post the second part!

For now, enjoy it!

"If you give me wings I will soar for you, even if this whole land sinks into the water. If you give me a sword I will fight for you, even if this whole sky shot through with your light" by Tite Kubo, Bleach Volume 34

OLEG POV:

More days passed since that evening when Anatoly looked unsettled and I still had not been able to find the chance to talk to him. He was avoiding me to a point that it became rather unsettling for me and I could not rest quiet until I knew what had happened. There were no doubts that something had happened and my only wish was for Anatoly to trust me enough to talk to me openly. I did not want to force it out of him, because in my heart rested a rather selfish hope that Anatoly would come to me by his own will, a hope for him to always rely on me for anything he needed.

It has been another week very busy in terms of work and it helped to place such thoughts away, somehow pausing what I have been feeling in the past days. But it was only a short pause, because once alone and once free from my duties, my brain elaborated everything more and more. His words from that Sunday kept circling in my mind and if I associated them to his current behaviour, it was too clear that I had misunderstood the nature of his feelings. I had also underestimated the depth and honesty of his emotions and attachment, ignoring my own, too. My eyes stared at the ceiling as I was trying to fall asleep; it was rather late because I had to look into some papers and I also trained very hard. I needed the tiredness of my body to better relax, because this situation had become ridiculous for me.

Anatoly was the one taking not two, but several steps back and it was not all; he had also somehow shut me out and avoided me with all his might. I was starting to think, or rather, I was trying to convince myself that this was for the best and that it was good that Anatoly had changed his mind and somehow realized how all of this was out of place and not appropriate. I let out a dry laugh and closed my eyes. I was being purely hypocrite, because I had sunk to a level in terms of attachment where hardly a way back could be seen. In fact, there was no way back from it.