Chapter 17

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I felt a lump running down my throat as I swallowed the paracetamol.

"Eugh," I moaned, reaching for the glass of water from Kristen's hand. I took a huge gulp and heard myself have a catastrophic fit from coughing. That was attractive.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Honetly kris? Not good," I sighed at her. She paused for a moment then smiled.

"Well you look great!" she beamed, which really meant I looked like hell.

"I've heard that one before," I whispered, dragging my feet from the high stool in my kitchen into the living room where I collapsed on the coach.

"I don't even...why? Why did I do that last night?" I asked, throwing my head into my hands.

"Don't worry, gab fainted the first day we met them so it's fine!" she replied.

"She didn't faint in front of our entire school," I sighed.

"Well at least something good came out of it," Kris held the trophy up and started to cheer. I simply huffed at her. Last night after I'd fainted (god, I was never going to live that down) I'd apparently been taken into a back room and had woken up AFTER they announced the winners, which I was actually grateful for; I didn't want people to see me after I had made a complete show of myself. Kristen's mum had dropped us home and I'd asked her to stay the night; my mum wasn't home and I needed the company. Interrupting my thoughts, I heard both our phones beeping so picked mine up from the table next to me and began to read.

-sorry I couldn't come last night car! I was too busy I'll be home about 1, get ready because I'm taking you shopping! Love you x

Ha. Did she even know I'd fainted? I was pretty sure I looked as bad as I felt, so I was not stepping out the front door today. Looking to my left, I found Kris giving me puppy dog eyes, showing her phone with a new message.

"Who is it?" I asked, but it barely came out. God, I'd had such a bad sleep, I was going to crawl back into bed when my mum got home.

"Niall," she whispered, smiling to me. "Look, I don't have to go, really, I can stay here with you-"

"-Go, Kris," I said. She widened her eyes.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I look like the living dead," she laughed at me. "I need some sleep anyway."

"Thanks, Car!" she said gleefully, grabbing her bags and heading towards the door.

"Wait, aren't you going to get your mum to pick you up? It looks freezing out!" I complained, as I stood up and followed her.

"No, it's fine! It's a breezy day and I'm going out with Niall Horan!" I smiled at her; I knew that excited, gleeful feeling.

"Well have fun!" I called as she opened the door.

"Thanks! I'll text you later!" and with that she left. I sighed to myself and leant back onto the sofa behind me. The mirror on the wall opposite was calling to me so I looked up and shrugged. I didn't look that bad. Just sleep deprived. It's not like I'd got drunk, I'd just had an awful sleep. A shower was exactly what I needed. Running upstairs, I ran into my bathroom and started the shower. The water felt warm and extremely calming, making my embarrassing memory float away. I just hoped none of the boys found out about it, especially Harry.

After my shower I picked out a matching jack wills underwear set from my drawer. Putting them on, I dried my hair though after a minute or two got bored so left it in a messy half dry/half damp state. I then ran downstairs after hearing my blackberry chirp. It was a message from Gabby.

-don't worry about last night babe, I know what you're going through. THE SHAME!!! You'll be fine, just forget about it! See you Monday xoxo

I smiled at the text, then awkwardly looked down at myself standing in my underwear. I hadn't even bothered putting any clothes on, proving how tired I must be. I text Gabby back quickly before throwing my phone onto the soft sofa.

-thanks gab! <33 ,xxxx

I sighed to myself and looked in the mirror again. All of a sudden the bell rung and I looked at the time on the clock in the kitchen. Wow - 1 o'clock on the dot, my mum really was getting more organised! I looked around for a blanket or something to cover me up and started running up the stairs when I heard it ring again. God, why couldn't she just use her keys?!

"Dammit," I hissed, sighing and storming over to the door, rage suddenly taking over me.

"God mum just use your keys-" I shouted opening the door and feeling my eyes widen at who was there instead...Harry.

"-Argghhh!!!"

"-Argghhh!!!" he screamed too, taking a few steps back. We both stood there for a few seconds with our gazes locked. After a moment though he looked down and widened his eyes. I followed his gaze and almost slapped myself at what he was gawking at: me, in the flesh. Oh the joy.

"CRAP HARRY!" I screamed, running inside and slamming the door in his face. I pressed myself against it, burying my head in my hands. What the hell was wrong with me? I heard laughter on the other side of the door and almost cried.

"Laugh all you want-" I called, trying to sound stern and serious. "-but you're staying on that side of the door."

"Come on, Car!" he cheered. I felt myself shake then; he was so perfect that I actually wanted to cry. "I haven't seen you for two months!"

"Or spoke to me either!" I shouted back. "What happened to staying in touch?" ...Silence. After a moment he spoke again, though his voice wasn't as positive.

"Can I just come inside?" he asked, sighing. God, I couldn't resist a sigh from Harry Styles.

"Hang on," I murmured, running upstairs. I didn't care what I looked like, no wait I did, no wait I didn't, god! Who was I even trying to impress?! I found my jack wills tracksuit bottoms from the clean washing pile and jumped into them, pulling them down so they sat baggy on my hips. I grabbed a plain white vest top from the pile too and ran down the stairs, shoving it over my head. I didn't look at my hair, I didn't look at my face. I actually didn't care what I looked like. Heading towards the door, I tugged the vest top down from where it had stopped on my bra and sighed. Oh come on - I know I wasn't a 28AA and had bigger boobs but that was just plain mean. I shoved the door open and tried my best to give Harry an 'I don't even care' look but it probably didn't work because with his cocky smile to the side, his dimples and shiny curls framing his face perfectly, I couldn't be angry with him even if I tried.

I smiled foolishly and turned my back on him, walking across the room. I heard him shut the door and so I took a deep breath, leaning against the back of the sofa. I looked up to see him leaning against the wall opposite me, looking beautiful in a checked shirt, jeans and converse. God dammit, why hadn't I dressed nicer?!

He met my gaze and smiled guiltily.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," I sighed. "So...what brings you here?"

"...Well, a couple of months ago I met this girl on a runway. She seemed like a really nice person so I invited her to my apartment. She came and we got on really well. I felt like I'd known her for years. Apparently she was amazing singer but I wouldn't have known because she wouldn't sing in front of me. Then I had to go away for two months and I didn't even speak to her. I can honestly say I don't have a clue why. I was an ass. And I am so sorry-" he paused, seeing my expression of just...shock.

"-Then I came back and wanted to see her, so I decided to go to her talent show. I couldn't believe it was her when I saw her. She had the most amazing voice, and the most amazing dance skills-" he winked at me and I laughed, shaking my head. "-I had to run out of there because I got noticed but I had to come and see her again today. I had to come and see my friend, because I missed her." He stopped and looked down. I just stood there, speechless. I didn't know what to say.

"I...you missed me?" I asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, closing the distance between us. I looked up at him to see him staring down at me through his emerald green eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinning. I didn't know what to say, but there was barely an inch between us so I done what I felt was right: I winded my arms around his back and hugged him. I heard him sigh with relief as he wounded his arms around my small waist and placed his head on top of mine. I ignored the sparks flying through my body. I ignored my voice screaming and confronting me with the feelings I may possibly have for him. I just stood there and smiled to myself, because I no longer knew that he was going to forget or leave me. He actually thought of me as a friend, which made me happy in so many ways. I closed my eyes - I don't know how long we stood there like that. I just let my friend soothe my troubles away.

***

I looked down at my watch and laughed. The time read 2:15pm.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"My mum. That's something else I meant to say, she's got a new boyfriend," I huffed and Harry widened his eyes slightly.

"What's he like?" he asked.

"He's fine, perfectly normal I fact, but now I just wish-" I paused. I could tell Harry, couldn't I? Oh what the hell, he was my friend. "I just wish I didn't know now, because he's always around. I never get to see my mum just on her own anymore," I added. Harry nodded.

"I get you. I wish I could help Car but it's happened to me, and you just have to get used to it. Look at me now, I get on great with my step dad, it'll all be okay," he smiled encouragingly. I smiled back at him.

"Thanks Harry," with that I heard keys in the door and looked up to see my mum coming in...with no Gary. Wow. She must have been really serious about shopping. She closed the door behind her, not noticing me and Harry sitting on the couch.

"Right Carly, are you ready for some birthday shopping?" she sung as she turned around and widened her eyes.

"Harry!" she stated. "Sorry I didn't see you there! How are you?" she asked, throwing her keys on the table and coming towards us. She actually acting normal.

"Hello ms Gilbert, yes Im great thank you, how are you?" he answered.

"Good! And maria, Harry," she added. Oh, so close.

"Sorry, MARIA," he emphasised.

"So what are you kids up to?" she asked.

"Just catching up," I answered. "Harry got back from LA yesterday."

"Oh yes! How did it go Harry, did you finish the album?" she asked him. He grinned to himself, I wanted to know at what.

"Yeah! It's all finished, it's out next week," he smiled.

"Oh that's great! Carly, you should invite Harry to your birthday party," she added, turning away. I stood up and followed her, widening my eyes.

"What party?" I asked.

"The party I'm allowing you to have on Tuesday. But no more than 60 people," she pointed out. 

"Wait, what? You trust me with a party?"

"Yes! But no alcohol," she added with a strict tone. "Okay, I'll allow alcohol but if anyone gets drunk I swear I'll-"

"-No one's going to get drunk, mum. And thanks," I smiled, turning back to face Harry.

"You busy Wednesday night?" he grinned at me.

"Bonfire night? Nope, but I am now."

***

I pulled my maroon woollen coat tightly around my chest and fastened the several buttons down to my legs. It was a crisp cool day today and my party was three days from now - I needed food, desperately.

"So what do you have at a house party?" I asked Georgia as we got a trolley and entered the huge double doors of tesco, both of our heeled ankle boots clicking in sync against the floor.

"Hmm...food!" she cheered. I looked ahead of us and huffed.

"This is a food store, Georgia. I'm going to need more than that," I laughed at her. She began to think again.

"Ooh - chicken and Nandos sauce!" she smiled brightly. I clicked my fingers at her and raised my eyebrows.

"Perfect. Niall will be satisfied," I added and she laughed. We made our way through each aisle, grabbing random bits of food. My mum had given me money to spend so our trolley seemed to suddenly fill up quickly.

"You know on American films when they have house parties, they have big plastic red cups - we should get some of them!" she cheered. I laughed along.

"Okay!" I laughed in reply. After an hour or so we were at the till packing all of our bags. We made our way to the car park and Georgia unlocked the door of Louis' car. She was a year older than me and had passed her driving test so he let her borrow his car from time to time. Putting the carrier bags into the boot, we got into the car and Georgia smiled.

"Where to next?"

"I need an outfit, I was meant to go shopping with my mum yesterday but wasn't really in the mood..." I trailed off. "But I've seen a dress, so we won't be long," I added.

"From where?" she asked.

"Zara," I stated. She smiled.

***

"I'm home!" I called, unlocking the door and rushing into the kitchen where I dumped the twenty bags I was holding onto the island in the centre. "Mum?" I asked as I heard soft footsteps coming closer to the room. Instead it was gary, yay.

"Oh, hi Gary," I smiled. He greeted me as well.

"So did you get everything you needed?" he asked.

"Yup," I answered, trying to run away from a long conversation.

"I can take your mum out on Wednesday night if you want...so you can have the house to yourself?" he asked. I looked up and studied him properly.

"I...err...yeah, thanks Gary - that would be great," I smiled at him and his face lit up. He must have been pleased with himself. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to win over your girlfriends daughter.

"I'm just going to take this upstairs," I murmured, signalling to the Zara bag.

"Sure," he nicely said, letting me past as I made my way up the carpeted stairs. Closing the door behind me, I took the dress out of the bag and hung it in my wardrobe, admiring it slightly before. I loved this dress; it was a black chiffon with a skirt that fell to the middle of my thigh on the front, though trailed down to my ankles on the back. I loved it. Last night I'd managed to sort out all the people that were coming to my birthday - it was short notice but I had about fifty (that I knew of) so hopefully it would be a good night. It was also bonfire night so I'd got my mum to buy fireworks, which I absolutely dreaded setting off. I'd talked about that yesterday afternoon with Harry, and he'd assured me he and the lads would do that. That's the other thing: I was inviting them. One Direction. To my party. And all of my friends were coming, as in all girls from my school that loved them. That was going to be quite a moment. And not just girls, boys too. Sam and Tom. Sam who had kissed me at the talent show and apart from inviting him through text, had not spoken to me at all. I wanted to settle it, to tell him tomorrow at school that I didn't feel the same way, but I was too scared. I didn't know what to do. I needed to talk to someone...actually, all I needed right now was my mum. I needed some mother to daughter advice. She was the one person I should be able to talk to.

Running down the stairs, I saw my mum closing the front door.

"Has Gary left?"

"Don't sound so ecstatic," she said sarcastically to me.

"I wasn't..." I trailed off and she looked up at me, her eyes suddenly as wide as a Cheshire cats'. "Mum, I need some advice," at this she raised her eyebrows and ran over to me, pulling me towards the couch where she sat us both down.

"What kind of advice?" she asked.

"I'm having boy trouble," I moaned, throwing my head into my hands.

"OH! I knew this would happen, okay Car, I know you're nearly seventeen but I still think you're too young, you should wait a bit longer, and for God's sake be safe and use-"

"-Mum! I don't need THAT talk! I'm not talking about having sex!" I screamed, edging away from her. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God, because I'm awful at stuff like that," she sat up. "Okay, tell me what's wrong."

I just burst. I let all of the thoughts inside me out and before I knew it I was telling her everything. Words poured out of my mouth before I even had time to contemplate, because I just couldn't keep them inside me any longer. They had to be said. I told her everything about Harry, about the apartment, about how we'd kissed and the stab I'd felt inside when I'd seen him kissing the delivery girl. I'd then told her about Sam...Sam, the caring, gorgeous boy who to be honest, if I hadn't met Harry, would probably be my boyfriend by now. I'd told her about how he had kissed me and how I'd felt nothing - absolutely NOTHING. And now I felt terrible. I told my mum everything that I'd been thinking since that day I'd came home from New York in August. And when I finished, I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples softly with my fingers. "Help me mum," I whispered. Silence. After a moment I looked up to see her studying me.

"You...you kissed Harry Styles?" she stammered, acting like my best friend instead of my mother.

"I've just been rambling on for ten minutes and that's all you heard?" I folded my arms across my chest, glaring at her.

"No! I heard everything Carly, I just...you have to tell Sam you don't feel the same way, otherwise he'll just get hurt. And as for Harry, I think you should tell him how you feel," she stated. I looked up. I agreed with her on the Sam thing, but as for telling Harry? Nope, no, nada.

"Okay, but what do I feel for Harry?" I asked, dreading the answer I would hear.

"I'm not going to be the one to tell you that, you have to admit it to yourself," she hugged me tightly and then stood up, leaving me alone to think about what the hell I was going to do. Two months ago I hardly spoke to boys. Now, they were all I worried about.

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