“Awake My Soul” Mumford & Sons
There’s always someone controlling your life it seems. There’s always someone that matters, even if you say you don’t give a shit, you really do. Think about it. Who is that one person who you truly care about? Who is that person that you love, that you’ll do anything about?
Maybe you don’t have that person yet. I think, however, that at some point everyone will find that person.
I’ve already found my person. Johnny.
Johnny- that’s what my life usually revolves around.
He’s the love of my life, honestly.
You should see him; when he smiles his eyes crinkle at the sides. His deep blue eyes- I would use the sky as a description, but the only thing his eyes and the sky have in common are that they’re infinite. His eyes are better than the sky- they’re completely beautiful. When he wears a hat a line forms around his head. He walks with a suave confidence.
He talks to me like I’m the only one in the world. Like he could talk to me forever, I hope he can. I want him to.
We don’t really do much; at times we’ll sit together in silence. During these times a beautiful peacefulness comes over me. It feels like I’m dead and everything’s okay. I’m in my own nirvana, and its all beauty. All filled with Johnny’s beauty.
Sometimes, when the nights are nice, we head out to the park. He climbs a tree and I try, he’ll sit in a branch and I’ll sit on a lower limb or stand at the base. We’d watch the stars like that.
He’d point out constellations to me. I’d nod and pretend to see them, he knows I’m trying to please him. He never says anything. I think he secretly likes it- the fact that I make the smallest effort to impress him.
There’s no ugliness in our love; no jealously. Our love, I feel, is past that. It’s at that point where we just understand each other. Life is simple like that. There’s no dramatics.
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Johnny grabs my hand and squeezes it gently, enough to let me know that he’s there. That he’ll always be there.
He leans down and presses his lips to my chapped ones. He pushes my hair away from my forehead and rubs the back of his neck.
He doesn’t ask how I feel. He knows. That question would have been stupid anyways.
He brushes his soft, warm hand against my cheek. He seems at a loss for words, I would be too if the roles were reversed. “Are you cold?” He eyes the blanket at my feet.
I shake my head. I hope he sees it. Every movement hurts.
He looks around the room, not awkwardly but a bit uncomfortable. All his mannerisms are excused, he has a good reason. At least he’s not crying. No, he saves that when he thinks I am asleep.
“I hear you cry,” I confess. It seems like something good to start this with. I need to get everything out, so he’ll know before I pass.
He looks bothered by this piece of news. He fidgets, his hand growing clammy in my own. “Do you?”
I part my lips and croak my answer, “Yes.” I wanted to ask if he hurt. That was a pointless question. I knew he did.
His blue eyes met mine, I got lost for a moment before realizing I should talk a bit more. But the thing was, that I saw the end. And in the end I wasn’t sure what happened. Perhaps the road led somewhere and perhaps it was a dead end. I don’t know. It wasn’t particularly important. If it led somewhere, great. If it didn’t, I’m dead, I don’t know anything anymore.
But at the end, I wanted to see his eyes. I wanted to die within Johnny’s eyes. So even if I should speak, even if I felt there was a lot of things that were all left unsaid. Well, at that precise moment it didn’t particularly matter.
I stared into Johnny’s eyes. That beautiful Johnny-peacefulness overtaking me until I felt something taking me away. I smiled contentedly.
Johnny’s eyes were all I needed.
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A/N: This song is actually really lovely. Like really beautiful. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing in the beginning.
