This song is beautiful.
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“If It Means A Lot To You” A Day To Remember
I turned around, smothering my face in my pillows. I wasn’t sure what I wanted- to pass out from lack of oxygen or… Actually, yeah, that’s what I wanted.
I wanted to pass out and forget. To just melt into the darkness that was a dreamless sleep. That’s all I wanted- all I couldn’t have.
Ever since she had left I hadn’t been okay. I hadn’t been okay before, but now, it was different. There was a huge chunk of my heart missing.
I’d never really been one for romantics. I didn’t like the cliché, I wasn’t particularly interested in love (or girls for that matter). It was all kind of whatever… But then Cathy had shown up and in the blink of an eye everything was suddenly… glittery and shiny and all that stuff.
I rolled over, giving up on suffocating myself. I blinked once, staring at the ceiling. Shapes danced, all distorted. I looked around, my eyes settling on the alarm clock that read it was well past one in the morning. I stared at it until my eyes burned from not blinking.
Time wasn’t passing though. It stayed constant. The numbers not changing, just staring back.
Everything was one big joke.
They started blurring, and I realized my eyes were watering. Salty teardrops scurrying down my cheeks so that I tasted them on my chapped lips.
I wanted someone to hug me, to tell me that everything would be okay. Everything would be okay, right? It had to be. This pain- heartache- it had to leave eventually.
It just had to. I couldn’t handle it.
I wanted Cathy. I wanted her to be here. I wanted to see her.
I wanted all of this to be in the past. To be some misunderstanding instead of reality.
I squeezed my eyes shut, increasing the burning feeling.
I rolled over and opened my eyes and I just let it out.
I let the tears roll down and the sobs rack my body. At some point I wrapped my arms around my lower abdomen, trying to lessen the pain. I squeezed my sides, trying to distract from the feeling I felt in my chest.
It felt like someone was literally ripping me open. The pain was completely unbearable.
My sobs were getting more hysterical. They turned into shrieks; obnoxiously loud so that my lungs burned.
I didn’t feel her come in, it wasn’t till her arms were wrapped around me and my head was pressed around her chest that I realize my mom was in the room.
“Sh, it’s okay Luke, it’s okay.”
Those were the words that I wanted to hear. Those were the words I needed. Instead of the feeling of reassurement I was supposed to feel, I just felt even more empty.
The tears stopped.
The emptiness was filling me. It was even worse. I felt numb.
I blinked a few times and looked at my mom. Her sweet face looked worried, her blonde hair fell around her; her brown eyes studied me intently in the darkness. She brushed my hair back from my forehead
“Luke?” She whispered. It wasn’t much of a question.
“Mom,” I muttered.
Her fingers were cold as she turned my face upwards. “Luke, is it Cathy?”
It was always Cathy. Mom didn’t like Cathy. Her face tightened a bit. Her eyes turned a bit harder as her lips formed a grim line.
“I know,” I started, feeling tired. “I know that I should just…”
“You love her,” mom said.
I nodded once.
“And you’ll love again.”
