I listened to an acoustic version of this song by a cover artist (it was amazing) instead of the original. When it's slowed down the song is just really I don' know... sweet, delicate? It's pretty. But yeah. Enjoy. :)
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“It Never Ends” Bring Me The Horizon
Murphy- that was her name.
It fit her a bit. I always imagined a Murphy (not that I ever really had, but if I had) to have shockingly red hair, kind of like Ariel. She was close enough, her hair was a bright shade of red- dyed.
She glanced at me, her eyes bright in the darkness, even though they were dark themselves. “This is great Shaun, great, great, great.” She had a habit of repeating words.
I smiled softly and took her hand in my own. I couldn’t agree. This wasn’t what I was expecting- what I wanted. But I couldn’t tell her that. Murphy was excited to be together and exploring- to be free.
And as appealing as the thought was, it wasn’t appealing at all. I wanted a bed to lay at, to have running water and the option to take a shower. I didn’t want to manage money and make sure we had somewhere relatively safe to sleep at (it was never safe).
I didn’t want to grow up. There was nothing fun about that.
I was too young to live this way. I loved Murphy, but it didn’t seem to be enough. Love just wasn’t enough. Not at this moment.
“I love this,” Murphy rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arm around my waist. It was an odd position, but she was content and that had always been my main goal- to put her before me in every way possible. That’s why I had agreed to come. Well, half of it. There was a lot of other benefits of being on the road. The freedom, was nice I guess, but it was nothing without money.
Murphy glanced up at me, and in the glow of the nearby diner she looked even more beautiful than usual. “Are you okay?”
“Of course,” I nodded. “I’m okay. Okay…” Maybe Murphy was rubbing off on me because I repeated myself, “Okay, okay.” Or maybe it was the fact that I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t just lying to her but also to myself.
I hoped it was the first one. I had never taken kindly to liars (makes me a hypocrite too).
“Are you sure?” Murphy was persistent. “Are you really, really, sure?”
“I’m okay,” I repeated.
She gave me once last look before pointing out an abandoned warehouse up ahead. “We can sleep there for tonight.”
I studied the building. It looked rundown yet sturdy. The paint was peeled, revealing the dark brick. Weeds cluttered around the edges. It was one of the better places they had seen.
Murphy crossed the streets, grinning at the cars that honked at her. I followed, hands deep in my pockets. I felt eyes on me, most likely from the drivers, and hated it. I felt paranoid- I felt they knew. They saw right through me and saw everything- all my lies and secrets, my true intentions.
I hated it. I didn’t want to be transparent.
“Murphy,” I called, reaching her just before she walked into the building.
She tore her arm away and frowned delicately at me, her eyebrows burrowing together. “What?” She sounded like a whining child.
“Wait till there’s less people around,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck.
“We’ll look more suspicious that way,” she said and marched right in.
I hesitated, wondering if I should follow her in.
Why should I wonder, though? What was there to think about? Obviously I was doing this for Murphy. I love Murphy. I just needed to take that step.
I felt eyes all over me; invisible eyes were judging and waiting for my next move.
I lifted my foot; I was completely aware of my movements. My foot felt like lead. I stopped and turned around.
I felt the eyes settle on something else. The whole world seemed to have sucked in their breath. Time stopped. I stepped into the street and was bought back to life as cars honked.
Maybe I should return.
We had done this for freedom.
But now I was free and I wasn’t about to be held down again. I was free.
And as I reached the other side, the night lights flickering, and people hurrying by, I felt a bit bad. I was abandoning Murphy.
It wasn’t enough to turn around though.
I kept walking.
I was free.
