“Cherry Pie” Warrant
The relationship I had with him was a strange one. We weren’t the best of friends, we didn’t talk every day, we didn’t go to each other’s houses, we didn’t call each other and share secrets.
I guess, in a way, we were strangers.
But we weren’t, not really.
We knew each other better than we knew ourselves. He knew exactly what I meant without me having me to say a single word. I knew what he needed before he did.
We understood each other, and I think that meant more than anything.
It was the feeling that we needed each other, we didn’t love one another- we needed each other, and in a way, that must be better.
We didn’t really talk. I don’t think he’d ever say a word in my direction. No, we communicated through glances and touches.
You would understand then, why it was weird when he walked straight up to me and took my hand, and muttered, “I need you.”
The words weren’t strange. I knew that. I needed him as much as he needed me. The fact that he was speaking, speaking directly at me, that was strange.
I tried not to acknowledge the few odd glances we were getting. It wasn’t every day that two boys held hands in my school- it was frowned upon, why, I had no idea.
“I need you,” he repeated, his voice was desperate, waiting for my answer. Waiting for the reassurance that I had always given him. He pressed his forehead against mine, looking deep into my eyes. He found the reassurance there and backed up, sighing and squeezing my hand timidly.
I couldn’t speak, it wasn’t like me that I was so tongue tied, but to be completely honest, it was kind of terrifying, as if all the magic in our strange relationship would be gone. As if suddenly we would be strangers, more so than now.
As if we wouldn’t understand each other.
He didn’t seem to mind if this happened, he continued to talk. I was okay with it for now; if he stopped it would be over… I had to get used to the idea before it actually happened.
This was the beginning of the end.
He leaned in, caging me. I was terrified. Tongue-tied and terrified. “My dad…”
As I’ve said, I understand him better. I knew.
And even though I knew that by uttering the next words the spell would be broken, I had to. I just knew. I understood that he needed me to say them, “Everything’s okay.”
It wasn’t a truth, and he knew that. He knew I didn’t believe in God, he knew that I thought there’s no after life, absolutely nothing. His dad was nothing now, probably… or maybe not, who knew really?
But he took the words thankfully enough and hugged me. By now, everyone in the hall was staring. Hugging was something guys did to each other often, but this hug was different- there was some secret bondage that the watchers didn’t understood, it puzzled them. They didn’t like to be puzzled. To them it was odd.
“He’s dead,” he sobbed. His words were distorted. Everyone was starting to make assumptions, deciding that there was something definitely wrong with Ben, something they couldn’t quite pinpoint, something that I knew… That was probably where the most puzzling piece was; the fact that I knew. Why did I know?
Why did he turn to me at a time like this?
He sobbed into my shoulder. He was about a head taller than me so it was odd. “He’s gone… gone forever, it’s… he’s gone.”
I couldn’t say that I understood- not only because I really didn’t but also because I didn’t want to break the last bit of magic, I wanted to savor it.
“It’s like, I wake up and go downstairs and…” a sob rocked his body. “It’s just, I need him, I need him here, and he’s not… he’s gone, he’s nothing, he’s gone.” His words were almost incomprehensible. But I understood. I always understood.
“Please, I need you, I need you, talk to me, please, be my friend, don’t go… he’s gone.” Ben looked at me, his eyes bloodshot and his face sticky with tears.
“I need you,” I say.
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A/N: Haha. I actually have no idea why this song turned into this. I was reading "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" (pretty good book once you get farther into it) and listening to music and this song came up and it was the scene in the book where Francie says that being needed is better than being loved, and I guess it turned into this.
