“Song In My Head” Sherwood
I swallowed hard, looking at Annie’s watery blue eyes. Tears streamed down her freckled cheeks. I wanted to tear my gaze away from her eyes but I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t just look away and pretend to ignore the fact that she was crying. I should probably comfort her, try and reassure her, put and arm around her or something. Instead I stood there completely frozen in place.
“Annie,” I muttered, my green eyes bore into her own blue ones. I was trying to communicate what I felt without actually having to say what I felt. It was too embarrassing to say my feelings out loud- Annie had always been the sensitive one, I wasn’t. And I wasn’t about to start now.
“Jackie?” She asked me, her voice was overpowered with emotions. Usually I would have corrected her, told her to just call me Jack, but instead I just nodded, showing her I was listening. She needed that much- just a bit of reassurance. “What can I do to make this better?”
My already broken heart broke into another million pieces. “Annie,” I murmured. “It’s my fault. All my fault.” I wasn’t lying- it was all my fault. I knew there was consequences to my actions and yet I had still acted upon them.
“No, Jackie, don’t pin this on yourself. I get it- I drove you to it, what should I do to make it better?” Annie’s tooth bit into her bottom lip.
“Annie,” I moved a hand through my short brown hair and managed to look away from her eyes and instead to her nose, only focusing on it. “It’s my fault, Annie. I cheated on you- I knew there was a consequence, but I did it. It’s my fault.”
“It’s my fault.” Annie mumbled.
“It’s not!” I said, slightly angry. “Stop trying to make this about yourself- it’s not. It’s all me!”
Annie sobbed and bought her sleeves up to her face, covering it. Her eyes were more watery now, my vision started to blur. I hated to see her like this, all broken, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t just lie and forget about what I had done. I couldn’t just stand there and let Annie take me back. It was my fault; she deserved someone better. It wasn’t her fault- it was all me. “Don’t yell, please.” She mumbled. “I get it, I should let you go…”
Relief should have washed over me, but it didn’t. I didn’t want to let go of Annie. It would be selfish not to though; quite honestly, I knew I’d cheat again. It was just the sort of person I was.
Annie took a deep breath and removed her hands from her face; she looked pale and sick- I had done that to her. “I get it.” She continued, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that; shouldn’t have let you resort to cheating. You deserve someone better. I was never really good enough for you, was I?” Her blue eyes met mine as I felt my stomach churn and threaten to spill this morning’s breakfast.
“Annie,” I gasped. “It’s me. It’s my fault.” I said it as calmly as I could.
She shook her head, “It’s not. I have to go, Jackie…” Her tears had stopped. It was like she had grasped the fact that we were… over.
Over.
Annie and I were over.
My stomach churned again, this time for different reasons.
“Bye, Jack.” Annie said. She never called me that by herself, not without me reminding her.
“Jackie…” I corrected as she walked away.
