Emily.

Guarding my family.

Emily

I sat down and watched my son sleep gently in my arms. My dad wasn’t dead, so why? Why all the lies? Grandma went mad because he wasn’t there, her life was down the drain now, and he probably showed up knowing she was going soon. I faced those threats all alone, the loneliness, the neglect and madness, because of him pretending to be dead. We buried him! I’m sure, I know we did. I sniffed and rocked my son. I stood in his bedroom and stared at the blank wall.

“Babe.” I heard. I quickly wiped my eyes and sighed.

“Denzel.” I sighed.

“Emie don’t tell me you’re crying again, your making me sad you know, it pains me that I can’t get into your mind and solve your problems.” I sniffed and bowed my head as he crouched down. I watched Xavier and sighed deeply.

“He looks like you. When will I give birth to a child that actually looks like me?” I laughed out of pain.

“Aslong as it’s my seed, never.” He grinned. I sniffed and got up from the chair and put him in his cot. I leaned on the edge and watched him quietly. Denzel hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek.

“I’m sorry for everything.”

“It’s not your fault my family are a bunch of liars! That’s sick!” I said feeling disgusted. I moved from him and walked out of the room and went straight into our bedroom.

“You know I lived with that lie for so long! He stalked me for all that time, to come back and tell me hi? Really? I feel so sick!” I broke down and sat on the bed. He closed the door and came and sat next to me and hugged me.

“It’s just one thing after the other with me. I hate this.”

“Me too Em, but we’ll work through it all. Come on, it’s been a full month since we saw him. Come on. Let’s look forward to our future in Nic and Xavier.”

“I- I can’t. I have nightmare every night, he’s taunting me! Denzel, I want to go back to therapy. Before I start going weird again, I’m struggling to see the good in everything. I really am.” I cried harder. He had pity in his eyes; I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, because this would turn nasty if I didn’t get help. How do I even go back into therapy and tell them, actually you know what, my dad’s not dead, he faked it for 13 years. He’s back, and he’s been stalking me for a year and a few months. How would that look, what would they do? I didn’t want him in my life, but I didn’t want him out. He’s my father. What hurt most was deep down I was still grieving him; I guess I was grieving over what I missed out as a child.

“If therapy is what you want then I’m hundred percent behind you, I love you Em. So much, I guess you know, but it doesn’t hurt to let you know time and time, over and over aye?” He said cracking a genuine hearty smile. It made me smile.

“I love you way more Denzel that’s why I want to get therapy for you and the kids, I hate putting you through all that you’ve been through over and over again,”

“Mmm I know. I get pretty mad when you start acting like Peter, denying Jesus!” I started laughing and hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. He made me smile.

“If I promise to make you happy, do you promise to put things behind you?” He stroked my face. I nodded. He smiled and took a deep breath.

“Well then I guess I’ll make dinner tonight and change Xavier’s nappy at 3AM.” I wiped my eyes and continued laughing.

“That little depression mode is over, now relax, please.”

“Ok Denzie.” He chuckled and adjusted the pillow for me. I got into bed and hugged Nicole’s big teddy Denzel bought and sunk into the pillow. He watched me for a few moments, and then left the room, closing the door gently. I thought of my mum, and truly knew I would never see her again, but there was so many questions unanswered, and it made me restless. I wanted to know. Now.