Malec One-shots

Anxiety

Alec cautiously approached his mother as she turned around frantically in the kitchen, and she looked momentarily frightened to see her son standing there. “Alec.” She acknowledged, “I wasn’t expecting to see you. What is it, sweetie?” She asked, walking through the kitchen, and out into the halls of the Institute, “Um…I wanted to talk to you…about something.” He began, and Mayrse frowned, “Do you need to go clothes shopping again?” she asked, looking her son up and down. She seemed displeased by the state of his clothes. “No, it’s not that.”

“Well regardless, you need new clothes. Anyway, carry on.” She said, pacing back to her office. Alec stood still, and looked at his shoes. “Do you and dad…I mean…do you think…” he stuttered several times, and it was nearly two minutes before he pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, and blurted out, “Are you and dad okay with me being gay?” He looked up. His mother seemed to flinch a bit at the word, but otherwise she looked neutral. She’s getting better at hiding it, Alec thought to himself. His mother stood up, and wandered over to her son, “Alec,” she began, “It doesn’t make any difference to us whether you’re with Magnus or not.” She soothed. Alec looked down,

“it doesn’t mean…I’m….if it doesn’t work out with Magnus, I’m still going to be with a boy, even if Magnus and I breakup…and I just feel like dad and you… think it’s just a phase, I guess.” He looked down. His mother sighed, and looked down at her feet. “Alec, if I’m honest, this is hard for us to accept. I mean, we’re not used to this. This has never happened to any other shadowhunters, Alec. We don’t know what to do, and it-”

“I’m not asking you guys to do anything. Except accept that I’m not ever going to love a woman.” Mayrse flinched again, and Alec bit his lip. “Alec, I…I’m okay with this. With you.”

“Is dad?”

Mayrse remained silent. Alec’s stomach dropped. “He’s not…is he? He hates me.” Alec  whispered, Mayrse reached out her hand to comfort her son, but Alec pulled away. “Dad…oh god. Dad hates me. He thinks I’m disgusting. He thinks I’m-”

“Alec, your dad doesn’t hate you.” She tried to comfort. Alec shook his head.

“He thinks I’m disgusting. He doesn’t want me…” Tears welled in his eyes, and Alec rubbed his eyes. “I can’t… I know it’s important to continue the Lightwood name…and I can. I can adopt. I just…” He whimpered, and he felt tears coming down his face. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to upset you. I never meant to make dad hate me…I was just being selfish. I wasn’t…oh god, oh god, I’m… I never wanted you and dad to hate me. I just want…” Mayrse pulled her son into a hug.

“Alec, please calm down.” She murmured, but he continued sobbing against his mother, crying about how his father hated him. “Alec, he doesn’t I promise you.” She whispered, rubbing a hand through his hair, but he continued to sob and weep. And she let him cry, thinking it was no big deal, until he began to hyperventilate.