#6 :: Nothing Else Matters

Chapter 22.

Chanel.

I looked at him.

"What... What do you mean?"

"Just forget I said anything." Corey said as he walked off.

"No! No you can't say that then go. Tell me. If you ever really loved me like you claim you'll tell me!" I told him. He sighed.

"After pushing you away and losing you. I couldn't help but think none of this would have happened if he hadn't got in the way. If he hadn't done what he done. He couldn't get away with it. So one night when he was drunk he told me everything. I was mad. I picked up a gun and covered his face with a pillow and shot him. I didn't flinch. I have never lost sleep. I don't feel guilty. I would do it again. I disposed of the body and continued with life. I wanted to tell you but I thought you would have thought different of me. I made a mistake with the decisions I made. And for that I am sorry. I now have to live with losing the one girl that meant everything to me. Just know there's not a thing I wouldn't do for you. Anyway, mum wants to move away so that's exactly what I'm going to do. This area is nothing but bad memories. Make sure you get out as soon as you can. If you ever need me I'm here." He said.

He came over and hugged me then left. I sat there in a daze. I couldn't believe what he had told me. I didn't even get to take it all in because when I looked up Rico was standing there. I wiped my tears.

"Chanel? You okay? Did he hurt you?" Rico asked as he started making his way to the door I ran after him.

"No! No... He never hurt me. He's leaving. He came and said goodbye."

"So that's why you're crying? Because he's leaving?"

"No!"

"Look, I haven't wanted to bring things up because we have actually been good and you have been happy. But this ain't making sense and I'm not gonna keep letting it slide. I'm tired of treading on eggshells with you when it comes to him. If you can't talk to me then I don't know what to say really..." He said.

I looked at him. Rico was right he deserved to know. I needed to tell someone.

"If I tell you and you leave me... If I tell you and you judge me.. If I tell you and you treat me differently... If I tell you and you pity me..."

"I won't... I promise. I want this to work but secrets are making me feel uneasy. I have no secrets you know everything."

"Okay.. Come. Let's sit down." I told him.

I had never told anyone this story. I had never told anyone what happened over the summer.

"Well... As you heard Monique say I had an abortion... That was true... But there's more. I'm going to tell you everything from the beginning.
I was 14 when I first met Corey. I would try to tag along with Miles when he was hanging out. More time I wasn't allowed but the odd Friday's and Saturdays he would let me. Anyway one day after school Corey saw me and I asked if my brother was home I told him I wasn't sure he can come in and see. He had been to the house a few times so it wasn't unusual. I had always thought he was cute, I was young and thought the bad boy thing was sexy. Anyway I thought I was too young so never thought he would even look my way. But he did. He said he knew Miles was out but he wanted to just chill and hang with me. I thought it was weird but he was Miles friend and back then I told Miles everything and they all knew that. Anyway we kicked it off. Days when we knew the house would be empty we would chill. Always downstairs. Made it easier for him to run out the back if need be. One day I was doing work and he came and I made him come upstairs because that's where I was. He spent the day with me and even helped me with my work. Then everyone came back and as usual when they come back everyone runs upstairs to see if I'm home and say hello. I had to hide him under my bed. Then Miles was in my room for like two hours. Then when he left my room everyone was too active around the house. So Corey couldn't leave. I ended up locking my room door and made him come from under the bed. That night we stayed up and spoke one thing led to another we had sex. It was my first time. He was gentle, he was kind. The bad boy everyone knew he never was when he was with me. Never treated other girls how he treated me. I felt special and I fell for him hard. I bragged about him being my boyfriend he hated it because everyone said it was wrong. I never told anyone we had sex because they said it was against the law.
But over the almost two years of being with him I would go to his house and his family welcomed me with open arms. At this time his uncle; his dad's brother was living there. Anyway last year I finished my exams in June. Corey was proud of me. He had me the whole day chilling at his. He had to run some errands and told me to stay... Nothing out of the ordinary. But this time his uncle... His uncle decided to come into his room..." I stopped. I had never spoken of this before and now I felt like I was going through it all again.

"You don't have to go on..." Rico said.

"No... I just haven't told anyone so it's not easy to say... Where was I... Yeah.. His uncle told me I was a pretty girl and said that he didn't know what I saw in his nephew, if it was a big man that I wanted it should have been him... That day went from being the happiest day to being the worst day of my life... He raped me..." I started crying. Rico hugged me.

"I'm so sorry Chan... Seriously. We can forget this conversation."

"No.. You need to know why I was crying. You need to know why I have the temper I have. After he did that I felt violated. I felt mad. I felt like I should have fought harder. I got up and I left. I looked at everyone playing outside. I saw Corey. He was just chilling. Hanging with his friends. I couldn't believe it. I felt like he set me up. So I went over to him. I attacked him. I took out my frustration on him. The mark above his eyebrow is because of me. When everyone got me off of him I went mad and trashed the place. Throwing rocks, smashing car windows, house windows, everything. That day the house had gone out for dinner so no one was home. One of the older girls managed to get me home and get me to calm down. Corey came in and I flipped again. They both tried to restrain me but that made me scared. Made me flip out even more. The girl got me to calm down and she left. I wasn't calm though I was still mad, so I grabbed a knife for Corey. He was so confused. He asked what he was meant to have done. I shouted that he knew that he set it up for his uncle to... To do that to me. I saw his eyes glisten. I saw the tear fall. It was then I knew he didn't set me up. I cried. I cried in his arms. Corey supported me. He was just what I needed. That was until I found out in August that I was pregnant. He told me he couldn't take the chance of the baby being his uncles; the baby being a product of a rape incident. I understood but he was so cold. Told me to do it. Said he wouldn't be with me if I didn't. So I did it. I told Mummy Lisa because she realised something was up. But I've never told her that I was raped. I just told her I was pregnant. She assumed it was for Corey of course. She wanted to call the police because I told her that we had been having sex for some time. Which with me turning 16 in June would have made it illegal prior to that. I begged her not to. So over the summer I dealt with keeping my rape episode to myself, getting rid of my baby and losing my boyfriend all in one. You see, he pushed me away. I don't know why but he did. I'm not the type to plead and beg. I can love and I have a big heart but also from my own mother can give me up I can deal with a guy breaking my already broken heart. But today... Today he comes to tell me he's leaving and that he's sorry and that he loves me and that's never changed. We was arguing because I said he don't know what love is. It was only today that he tells me he loves me more than I know..." I paused. "...I'm about to tell you something that you can't tell a soul.. Not even Tallz..." I say to him he nods his head. "...he tells me that he killed his uncle."

"What?"

"Yep. He said his uncle was drunk and admitted it. He said he shot him. And doesn't regret it. That he would do it again if need be. So you see... I spent all this time hating him and it's like... He's killed someone for me/because of me. Now I don't know how I feel. I've hated him all this time, so it feels weird not to. But he's told me the truth, he's apologised and he said he'll leave me alone now. He's moving from the area. So what do I need to hate him for? But then I feel like I'd be a fool if I stop hating him."

"Not at all..."

"Really?"

"He's apologised. It can't take back what's happened, it can't take back that he did leave you to deal with this on your own.. But sometimes, it's like you need to let it go; in the sense of its a heavy weight on your shoulders. You will never forget what's happened to you but there comes a point in life where you have to not let it control you. Now may not be the time but when it does come don't feel bad for letting go."

I listened as he spoke. He was amazing. I really liked him.

"I want to lay down. Can you come with me?" I asked.

"Sure... "

We went up to my room and we laid down. For the remainder of the day we spoke about everything and anything or we laid in silence.
After a while I don't know what came over me but I felt the urge of wanting Rico. I kissed him he kissed back. I climbed on top of him straddling him. I looked into his eyes.

"You sure?" He asked.

I nodded my head as I kissed him again...