Frozen Kisses (Jim Moriarty x Sherlock Holmes)

Chapter Thirty Nine- "You Have Me"

~Sherlock~

"Sherlock, I need you to take me off the machine".

I stared at him with a mixture of anger, sadness and confusion all arranged into one emotion. I couldn't make any form of dialogue come out of my mouth.

"Look, I know you don't like this-"

"Don't like it?!" I asked with outrage, "No, it's just the drugs that made you say that. It has to be. I know you would never ask me to do that".

"Sherlock, it's not the drugs", Jim softly said.

"IT IS!" I shouted with fury, "You can't...you can't just say things like that without meaning it".

"Has it occurred to you that I do mean it?" Jim asked.

"I don't even want to think about that", I shook my head frustratedly.

"Listen, we both know I'm probably not going to make it", Jim whispered calmly, "And I'm in pain, Sherlock. The morphine won't make it go away. I hate it. I've never really felt it in my life and it's awful".

"You know it gets better", I desperately tried to talk him out of this ridiculous thought.

"That's not quite true though, is it?" Jim smiled sadly at me, "My life has only two realistic endings. One; I could die. Two; I could go to prison. Wherever I go, all I can do is worry that a policeman will recognise me. I've thrown my life away years ago and I'm only just realising the consequences. What's the point anymore? I lost everything".

"You have me", I whispered, my eyes going watery already.

"Yes, but I shouldn't", Jim looked at me with tiredness, "You deserve someone...so much better than me. I'm 'a bad influence', they call it. You should be with someone who can be seen with you, someone who doesn't have to look twice around when in public. You should be with someone who you want to be with every second of every day".

"But that's you!" I argued, "Who cares if we can't be together publicly?"

"You do", Jim stated, "Deep down, you know you do".

"I don't", I fought back, not ever intending on giving up, "You have to believe me. Please believe me".

"Sherlock-"

"I'm NOT doing this", I shook my head again, trying to shake off all the thoughts in there, "And you're not either. I can't believe how much Sebastian has ruined everything".

Jim's eyes darted towards mine, almost panicked.

"What?" Jim asked and I instantly knew I had clearly hit a nerve.

"What is it about Sebastian?" I questioned, "Every time I bring him up, you flinch as if you've just been shot-"

Jim glared at me.

"Wrong term of expression", I apologised, "But, seriously, what happened between you two?"

"Just leave it", Jim said flatly, staring emotionlessly into the distance.

"No, I want to know", I persisted.

"Sherlock, don't go there", Jim warned me darkly.

"I'm not letting this go", I said.

"FORGET IT!" Jim shouted, "Fine, if you won't help me, I'll do it myself".

He made a move for the machine next to him but I quickly grabbed his hands away. I kept hold of his shaking hands, staring him in the eyes.

"Jim, what did he do to you?" I asked again but more softly.

Unexpectedly, he suddenly burst into tears, completely having some sort of break down.

"He ruined my life!" Jim finally gave in, sobbing into his hands, "He ruined my personality. He turned me into this sadistic person that I am".

"Just tell me everything from the beginning", I told him, preparing for a very important story.