Heart Under Construction

Chapter 41

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Sorry y'all I slumped last night when I was proofing this lol. Love y'all!
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Feel free to comment anything y'all. I absolutely love reading them and they motivate me :).
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Shay POV
*6 Weeks Later*

I breathed out in a attempt to relax myself as one of my surgeons examined my bare chest with his cold fingers for any lesions or fluid discoloration on the outside...

I have been through hell and back.... TWICE.

These last couple of months have been another episode of the worse time of my whole life.

I feel like everything was put to the test.

Who I am.

Relationships with people.

My determination for life.

Everything.

The biggest one that just breaks me down everytime I think about it is how Carter and I are done.

I love him so.... fucking.... much.

So much that I needed him to be genuinely happy.

I was going to stay back and watch him be happy while I drowned in my own sadness because I really seriously think and still strongly believe he would be happier with someone else.

I loved him too much to keep him to myself....

Alisha says I need to 'stop playing around' but it's frustrating because that's the thing.... I'm not playing around.

If I kept him to myself that would potentially be robbing him of the opportunity to have the children he's always wanted, he would have to constantly be patient with my traumatization and most of all... be loved the way he deserved to be because I'm so 'damaged'.

I'm not being selfish... I'm caring about his overall well being in the long run.

I don't think he could handle my ways of living....

And I'm not making up excuses for why I'm scared to be with him but because I don't want to chance him ever not being himself again because of me.

And even though this whole thing changed him.... I think he'll get over me and be able to move on with another female quickly because that's what I want him to do...

As for my health.... I think I'm doing alright 😌

The physical therapy on my body is easily the most painful, slow and excruciating thing I have ever had to go through.

I still have to practice breathing because my chest always feels super heavy and tight but it's regulating better now.

My fractured eye sockets healed and my left eye was puffier than my other eye because Dante is right handed BUT guess what!?

I can open both eyes now even though they are still swollen! I still have blood specks in them from the blood vessel damage but the doctor said with the help of the eyedrops, it was almost done healing.

He said it was taking so long for the blood-related injuries to heal because of the multiple blood transfusions I had to have, my body wasn't used to the amount of such low blood volume so when it going from such a low count to such a overflowed one... It was hard for my body to adjust even though my body didn't reject the transfusions I was given.

But the amount of handprints and bruises I had everywhere really scared people because they told me in their own words and described it to me what I looked like.