Harry Styles Imagines

Know What Its Like part 3

The Last Night

I was fighting inside. Seeing Harry with Syd mostly the entire time we did activities just made me struggle with passed feelings for him. Also made me feel about my own love life.

Everyone is either packing, or watching a movie in the cinema room. I'm in the sun roof room of the cabin just looking out thought the tall glass window looking up to the clear dark sky full of stars. It's so beautiful out there. Yet right now I'm so cold within like outside.

"What you had enough of us already?" Syd voice questions from behind me.

"I'll never grow tired of you guys" I said to her as she sat down beside me.

"Why are you in here by yourself ?"

"It kinda just happened. I just wanted to look up in see the moon. I didn't plan to stay here long"

"Come have tea with me"

"Sure, just give me a few moments. Go ahead with out me"

"Ok, I'll leave some peppermint tea out for you." Syd said leaving.

I was happy she left. I just wanted to be alone in the peace and quiet. Me, the glass window, the 82 degree temperature of the room that shield from the outside cold, my cozy socks, cozy pjs, soft microfiber heating blanket, this room, the stars, the sky, the moon.......all in the mind of God.

I initially thought I was upset about how Harry always put his attention on Syd. I felt like he would only give me his if we are going to sleep or waking up. It turns out that's not it.

I just feel like I always put everyone ahead. It's natural. I do & I don't mind. But I give and give. I'm always there, Im never not there for anyone. But here I am right now in a house full of people who I love deeply but I've never felt so low. So agitated of being half full, half empty to now being empty. I feel alone like never before. I've been feeling this for awhile now. I never shared it with anyone. It's one of my darkest secrets.

I just want to know when will this all change for me. When will change come?

Here I am, I've never been in love yet I have such a big heart full of love I want to give to someone who is worth it.

It's always passing over me. Syd she has Joe wrapped around her finger, & pulling Harry strings like its the most beautiful music played from a harp. Here I am just alone. Yet I love freely & unconditional & I have nothing to show for.

I just want to be someone's center of the universe. I want to know how it feels to be put first always. I want to know what it feels like feels like to get back what I give out.

Why can't I feel? Why am I not good enough?

"I love twinkys" a husky British accent whispers in my ears with a hand covering my eyes patted the tears I didn't know i had in my eyes.

Harry removed his hand from covering my eyes.

"Y/n your crying? What's wrong? Why are you upset?" Harry sits next to me questions me. I try my hardest to act like my tears weren't tears of suffering.

"Its not sad tears it's just I'm cold & I yawn just a few moments ago before you snuck up on me. My eyes were dry"

"That's a beautiful lie, you come up with that all on your own aye?"

"I'm not lying"

"You are you liar, what are you crying tell me," Harry asked

"I'm not lying"

"Yes you are.! I want to know what thoughts are running through that brain of yours., tell me."

"Harry I was just thinking"