Friendship On Oreos

XLVII (Special chapter: ESTP×ISFJ)

~ISFJ's POV~

And the wave came again. Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift playing in my headphones. Tears streaming down my face. ISFP is just practicing their ballet moves in their room. While I just sit and cry. Why do I have to be such a hopeless romantic? Why would anyone even look at me? There's just something wrong with me. Everything is. I could be bolder. I could be prettier. I could be cooler.
Sometimes I feel like everybody's a sexy baby and I'm a monster on the hill...
Yeah, Taylor, I get what you mean now. These thoughts wouldn't seem to get out of my head. Am I really not good enough? Will I ever be good enough? Butterflies can't see their own wings...but they're getting this told by other butterflies who are just the same. What even matters? Why am I like this? Why am I...me?

I just wish I could look like someone else. I just wish I could feel like someone else. How can ESFP be so pretty and confident? How can she never be judged? How can ENFP be so...herself, in the best way? What good do I even have in me?

Sometimes I just wish to be...reckless. To go nuts and not give a damn about anyone and anything...

But I'm not like that...
...and I hate it.

Nobody could save me now...even if I would want to be saved. There could only be an exception. My boy...if only he'd love me the same...
How can he just exist and be so perfect? How can he just do some stupid stuff and still be adorable? How does that little smirk win my heart everytime?
And how can I fall...for someone I could never have?

ESTP would just play me, as he did to any girl before...who would I be that important for him to stay loyal to me?

I finally found the will to get out of my bed, and I look in my mirror. Who have I become...I am a mess. Mascara smeared all over my face, with music in my headphones. Why couldn't have I have my lipstick smeared instead? I don't even know where to search for love...could it be the perfect treasure every teen searches for like a pirate?

I think I should give up the hope. Nobody would ever want me. All of the hope is gone.

Just then, I get a notification.

"Mary...can yo come over pls?"

It...it's him...no way! Why would he call me over? Mary...that's...my favorite nickname.
And he knows it.
My face lits up in a way it could never do with anyone else. But maybe it wasn't for me. Maybe it was some girl that he's hooking up with.

"i think u got the wrong person"

"Nah, yo ma only Mary here *wink emoji*"

Is he playing with me...? Wasn't I supposed to be over him? Why am I...getting those butterflies again?

"oh stop it, why would you need me to come over"

"I ain't feelin' too damn well..."

"oh so u got drunk again yesterday or what"

"I'll explain when you get here *sad face emoji*"

Right now I should just leave him be...but I could never refuse him...

~20 minutes later, ESTP's POV~

I am a mess. Yesterday I got fucking wasted...again. And now I feel like shit. Why am I like this? I just got no morherfucking control...why can't I be more chilled out? Why can't I be nicer? I never knew what's kindness and...sincerity. Affection has just been this damn lack since...since, well, fucking childhood. I've only had ENTP and ESFP...well, and ENFP...she is really nice. I sometimes regret what we did to her. Over some emo guy that she chose to be with...maybe he was pretty nice, like she said.
But I have a reputation to keep.

I sometimes just wish to go nuts. To take my car and run away somewhere to clear my mind. Perhaps on a peaceful field. To just...find myself. But to apologise to everyone before, to leave with a clear soul.

The one I'm the most sorry about is my Mary. She is just so beautiful...and sweet. I never met a girl like her before. The way she talks, and how she walks with dainty, little steps.
If she would want me, I would never lay eyes on any other girl.
I've always loved her. Since kindergarten. I just played it cool so she wouldn't notice. When I finally wanted to make a move on ISFJ, ENTJ appeared in my life. Well...our relationship was more of a business. For a good reputation. Because that's what everyone cares about in these days.
But my Mary ain't like that. She is just a person of damn peace and kindness. She ain't about money and expensive shit. And that's what attracted me to her. But, at the same time, it be real tough. Because I've only been used to expensive things, and I don't know how to spoil my baby any way else...

Suddenly, I hear a knock on my door. But it was really soft, not like ENTP's fucking aggressive-on-purpose banging. I finally found the will to get out of bed and I lean against the wall for support. After a bunch of seconds of rethinking all of my life choices, I open the door. I was still a bit dizzy, but I knew who it was. My Mary, my love.

--Oh no, you don't look too well! (ISFJ)
--You're still as beautiful as always, shawty. (ESTP)

ISFJ tried to hold her smile. Did my...did my stupid pick-up lines really work?

--Oh stop it! If you'd like to, we can go in and you tell me what happened. (ISFJ)

I invited her inside, and she slowly walked me towards my room. It was, also, a mess. ISFJ looked around in worry and shock.

--You surely had something going on yesterday... (ISFJ)
--Yeah, I...I just got drunk with some motherfu-...I mean dudes...around here. (ESTP)

I can't swear near this angel.

--Ugh, and I thought I was a mess... (ISFJ)

I don't really get what she meant by this, but I just collapsed in my bed, whining.

--Poor you...you should get some sleep. (ISFJ)
--I can't... (ESTP)
--Why? (ISFJ)
--I want you to stay with me! (ESTP)

I kept protesting. Her touch could heal me faster than any nap, and I'm convinced. ISFJ seemed really surprised.

--Y-you...really want me here? (ISFJ)
--Yeah! Don't leave me! (ESTP)

I kept acting like a little kid, in hope I will get her to stay. I know she likes it when I act silly.

--Fine...fine, I will stay. But promise me to sleep, okay? You'll feel better that way. (ISFJ)
--Okay...get comfortable, please. (ESTP)

ISFJ took off her shoes and carefully sat on my bed. I was already in my pajamas, and as soon as ISFJ got closer to her, I pulled her next to me.

--Oh! W-wh-what...what a-are you d-doing? (ISFJ)
--Please...stay with me! (ESTP)

I kept whining while squeezing her waist slightly tighter, but with not too much force to hurt her.

--You are acting like a little kid right now, ESTP. (ISFJ)
--But you likin' little kids, don't ya? (ESTP)

As always, I tried harder to keep her with me, sticking my lower lip out. Gotta act as childish as possible! I unpatiently waited for her answer, and ISFJ finally gave in.

--Okay...alright, I will stay here. (ISFJ)

Even if hesitant, she wanted to touch my face, I feel it. So I made the first step and placed my head on her palm. Her cheeks get as rosy as always.
She is so beautiful like this. And I love her. That's what I thought while putting my head on her lap. And my eyes close, one by one, full of comfort.

This is what I need. Just her by my side.
_________________________________________
--words: 1384.

This was a huge request from my beloved best friend, Jullie <3
I loved making this chapter,and I love you all! ❤️

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