Whiskey's Second Chance

59: Honesty

Whiskey POV

"Can we go upstairs to talk?" Kayla asked.

"Of course. Go get comfortable, and I'll be right up," I said, kissing her nose.

She smiled and got up but eyed the dessert on the counter. "Maybe bring up the rest of the dessert too," she smirked, biting her lip, and I watched her walk away.

Finishing the dishes, I checked in with Killer before grabbing the dessert and two forks and went upstairs. Kayla walked out of the bathroom in my t-shirt, and the thought of eating her for dessert crossed my mind. However, now was not the time, and I want to help Kayla.

I placed the dessert on the nightstand and pulled Kayla into me, holding her tightly. "You don't have to tell me anything. I hate seeing you in pain and want to help if I can," I whispered.

She nodded, and we climbed into bed, and she reached for the tiramisu. "Don't mind me eating my feelings while explaining them to you," she laughed, shoving a forkful into her mouth.

"Never," I teased.

Kayla ate a few more bits before playing with it. "I've struggled with depression my whole life, and last night you saw it. When it happens, I go into a dissociative state which can last days or weeks. Yesterday, listening to Tiger talk about her honeymoon and Ginger's baby, my mind spiraled, and I couldn't stop it," Kayla admitted.

This isn't easy for her, and her opening up means everything to me. "What made you spiral?" I asked, rubbing her thigh, wanting to comfort her.

She let out a sigh. "You."

Me? Did I say something wrong yesterday? What did -

Kayla grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at her. "You looked disinterested in the entire conversation, and I realized we have never talked about marriage or kids. After not using protection last night, I freaked out. Especially seeing you so uninterested and annoyed with the conversation. I never do this, Whiskey. I don't sleep with people and fuck around, and the thought of you just using me consumed me, and I couldn't let it go."

"After that," she continued, "I don't know what happened. I don't always remember my dissociative state, but I saw you holding the iPad this morning, and I assume you saw the drawing. It is how I last remember seeing Caleb. Bloodied and unmoving," she whispered, refusing to look at me.

Grabbing the plate from Kayla, I placed it on the nightstand and pulled her onto my lap. Her green eyes swam with worry. "No, we didn't use protection, but I would never walk away if you were pregnant. I was raised to take responsibility, and even if you wanted to do it alone, I can assure you I would not allow that," I stated.

If she is carrying my child, there is no fucking way I'm letting her out of my sight.

Some of Kayla's fears dissipated, and her body relaxed in my arms. "I'm sorry I came across as uninterested in wanting to get married or have kids. But the longer Tiger talked, the more jealous I became, wanting what she and Ace have. Listening to her reminded me of everything I don't have. So I played it off as though I didn't care. I'm sorry you saw it, and I caused you to spiral," I said, angry at myself for causing her pain.

Kayla slowly nodded, processing what I said, but I could tell she wasn't convinced, and I didn't blame her. She needs to know.

"After the Army, I fell in love with someone who is in love with someone else. And the only thing I can do is watch it happen every day," I breathed.

Kayla's eyes widened at my admittance. "Tiger," she whispered.

I nodded. "I thought Tiger was the one, but I was wrong. However, I'm over the fucking moon she wasn't. You are everything I need and want in my person, and I cannot believe I get to love you. It doesn't make it any easier to watch others have what I don't. Yet," I teased, earning a smile from Kayla.

"I never thought I would be normal after leaving my career. I became depressed and went on massive alcohol benders for days. Allowing me to forget everything. Eventually, I realized that if I wanted to make a difference, a real one on home soil, then I needed to get clean and sober. I rode across the country and stumbled on The Phoenix Riders, and they took me in. They have seen their fair share of my benders and seasons of depression, but they never gave up on me," I shared.

Kayla's green eyes never left mine. I felt seen, not judged, as she held me tightly. I want to share the buried pieces of myself with her. There's no need to hide who I am from her or the truth about who took her. Shotgun updated me, saying Cater agreed to a meeting alone with me. Although I doubt he will keep his end of the deal.

Kayla pulled away and thanked me for sharing with her. "I want to know everything about you, but I know it's difficult. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here," she whispered, gently kissing me.

"There is one other thing you should know," I said, rubbing her back. "Remember how you said the same guy who picked you up in Greece also bought you that night?"

I watched Kayla's whole mood shift. "His name is Carter. We were in the same unit in Afghanistan. He picked you on purpose, but we found him, and I promise he will never hurt you, or anyone else, again," I growled, tightening my grip on her thighs.

Relief flooded her body, and tears sprang from her eyes. Her stress and lack of sleep stemmed from knowing Carter was still out there.

Straightening herself out, Kayla asked, "Where is he?"

"That is the last thing I want you to worry about, love. You just need to worry about yourself and what you want tonight," I smiled, wiping away her tears. Kayla blushed, and I prayed she already had something in mind.