Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.92. Not Good Enough

Celeste

Not too long ago the Cubs seemed like the sure lock in central division champions. And in a few weeks they went from number one to losing the title in game 163 then losing in a wild card game.

And it sucked, even though my pregnant butt was more than ready to be able to stay home until the baby gets here, I was going to miss Wrigley. I loved coming here and meeting up with the other families. Enjoy a hot dog and cheering my man on as loud as I can. There's something about going to these games that make it seem like so much fun. The next time I'm sitting in those bleachers I'll have Ella with me and so much was going to change. I wasn't quite ready for it to be over so quickly. And I know Anthony wasn't either.

So as fans file out I figure I should wait up for him. I was tired and a little sad but I know I needed to be there for him. He'll never tell me that but losing like this is hard for him, I don't need to hear him say that to know. He puts his all into these games so when he loses it means it's because his all wasn't enough. Coming from someone who knows all about feeling like they're not enough I know how much that feeling can kill you from the inside out. How all those thoughts about failing everyone around you slowly eats you alive. And he's got about a thousand people not afraid to tell him he's failed. Luckily I know how to speak louder than all those people.

It was about midnight when Anthony finally trails out of the clubhouse. He was the last one because if you ask anyone this was his team. The unofficial captain and the heart and soul of Chicago. It's not hard to see why, he has adopted this city as his own and he loves everything about this place. He has made his whole life here. And I was here to remind him that.

"Celeste" he asks as he approaches his car. I hop off of it as I meet him by the drivers side.

"Hi baby" I say softly as he smiles. He doesn't say anything else before he pulls me into a tight hug. I squeeze him back as my eyes close.

"I thought you went home hours ago" he whispers in my ear.

"I wanted to see you as soon as I could so I thought I would wait here" I explain as we break apart.

"You're like 37 weeks pregnant you should be resting" he claims.

"I also really love that number 44 out there and wanted to make sure he was going to be okay before I went home to rest" I defend.

"I'll be fine. Eventually" he admits.

"I'm focused on the here and now. What do you need" I ask him.

"I can go for some ice cream" he smiles. I should have known.

We return to our favorite ice cream shop from when we first hung out all those months ago. It's been well over a year now and we always seem to find our way back here. Their ice cream wasn't anything special but this place was and I know that this was the start of everything for me and I am happy it's still here.

"I don't even know what to do. I thought we would be playing at least for a few more weeks" Anthony sighs as he stabs his ice cream with a spoon.

"I'm sure we will find a way to pass the time. With Stella coming at the end of the month and all" I tease.

"I could spend every second from now until then preparing for her to get here and I would never be ready" he chuckles.

"I guess that's true for me too. But I would be lying if I said I'm happy I don't have to worry about you being gone when she gets here now. I would never ask you to choose between baseball and your home life because they are one of the same. I get that. But if you weren't here when she was born I definitely would have been hurt" I admit.

"I love baseball a lot but not more than you and our daughter" he promises me.

"That's nice to know because my last relationship was never like that. Not even at the beginning. It was was always football first then there was me. I tried to make it so that football and me was synonymous but it never registered in his brain like that. He did love me a lot but a lot of love doesn't mean it's good love. You can be in a relationship where it's a lot of love but it's toxic or old or an unhealthy kind of love. I was too young to know the difference. I had a lot of love but it was never mine. Now I know the difference" I shrug.

"And you know my love for you is unmatched" he accuses.

"I do" I smile. "When James lost in the first round in his last season the man ignored me for days. Didn't acknowledge my existence like it was my fault they lost. You would have thought I was playing for the other team by the way he was treating me. That was one of the big reasons I realized the love had gone away. How can you treat your wife life she's trash just because you lost a game? I wanted so bad to make him feel better but I couldn't. I wasn't something he wanted anymore even if he didn't know it. I felt it.

Being here with you means a lot to me because at your lowest you wanted to come somewhere that reminds you of me. Of us. You chose to be with me even though you're upset and you're hurt and that means a lot" I insist. 

"There isn't a person in this world I would rather see right now. You're the only reason I'm not still crying in that locker room beating myself up. I used to stay in there all night wallowing in the pain. But I wanted to see you after the game today. As soon as that last out was caught you were the first thing on my mind" he claims.

"And that's how I know the love is real" I insist.