Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.70. Date Night

Celeste

As May comes to a end Anthony and I find ourselves a date night. Or day I guess since he had a game tonight. But that's okay, I enjoy the city more during the day. There's more to see and it's a little safer too.

I start to get dressed for the days but I stop when I look in the mirror. Nothing but my bra and thong on as I try to figure out to wear on the boat. We haven't been out on it yet this season and it was long over due. But as I stand there in the mirror and turn to the side I start to notice a bump. I was close to 12 weeks which was about where I had my abortion the last time. I wasn't showing that much last time either but I can finally start to see a little bump. And I was keeping it growing this time.

My hand rests over the small bump and I smile to myself. I was still scared about all of this, still broken from the last time I was blessed with a child. Years have passed and I have moved on to bigger and better things but traumatic events like that never seem to leave. I still feel guilt about something I had no control over. Losing the baby wasn't my fault but at the same time I still feel like it was. And I hated that I did. Nothing could change that.

But I can love this baby with all my might. Take good care of it and give it a life I couldn't give to my other baby. I failed once before but I won't fail again. I refuse to fail again.

"There you are" Anthony says as he comes into the bathroom. He takes one look at me before smiling real big. He stands behind me are he rests his chin on my shoulder. His hands rest on top of mine as we hold the baby the best we can.

"Do you think I'm showing a little" I question.

"A little bit yeah. It's not obvious yet but to me all I see you and our baby" he promises. He softly kisses the back of my shoulder causing butterflies to join the baby in my stomach.

"Do you want a boy or girl" I wonder.

"Doesn't matter much. I never really got why people want one or the other. I'm excited to meet my child no matter what it is. Couldnt matter less to me. Love is love whether it's a son or a daughter. I can have a little boy who wants to play dolls or a daughter who wants to play football. Gender isn't important" he insists.

"Good answer" I tease.

After admiring the little one for a while I finally pull some clothes on. Everything still fits but I'm way more comfortable in the stretchy pants right now. So I pull on a loose light blue tank top and some cute floppy white shorts and I was ready for the day. We hop onto the boat and spend the afternoon floating away from life as we knew it.

As we rest above the water I look out over this city. I think back to the first time I came out here, it's been a year since I was first in this boat and it seems like everything has changed. Time is so funny because in 10 years with James nothing changed and one year with Anthony my life has been turned around. For a while I thought life was just this endless cycle of nothingness where I fall further and further into depression. Now I get excited when I think about the day after this one. Not looking too far ahead but still looking forward to something.

"I remember when we first came on this boat" Anthony starts as I smile him. "I sat here and stared at you not saying a word. I thought I was losing my mind inviting you out here. And I was so nervous, my hands were shaking as I poured us a glass of wine. I didn't know what to say to you, it was all so unusual to me.

And at the same time I felt like we belonged together out here. I remember you told me that part of you wished you never stumbled across me because it was only then you realized just how bad you had it. My heart broke when you said that because I felt a connection, there was no denying that you and me had something. But it wasn't until that moment did I realize I could be what breaks you free and I could also be what broke you down.

But you didn't care about the risks. To you I was worth the risks and I knew that when you got off this boat I was going to be with you one way or another" he says.

I sit down in his lap as I wrap his arms around me. I lean into him as close as I could go and just hold him close.

"I think in a lot of ways that boat ride was the beginning. It was here I realized I was as unhappy as I had ever been and the only way to change that was to change myself. To stop acting like I was okay and to start being okay. And now I am thanks to a year of tearing things down and building them up again. And this isn't the finished project but I'm a lot more whole than I've been since college" I assure him.

"I can't wait to bring the baby out here. To show it the world and then go home only to see the best thing in the world is this family. And I'll know it'll be hard, we never really seem to have it easy when it come to me and you. But I would go through a thousand years of hardships if that means I get through them with you" he says.

"Only a thousand" I joke as he gives me a playful squeeze.

"I'm hoping for forever. In this life and every one after it" he claims.

"You believe in reincarnation" I ask.

"Well, no, not really. But I believe that our love will be here long after we're gone. It'll be in our kids and their kids. You and I are going to be infinite and I don't doubt that in the least" he claims.

"That's is most likely the sweetest thing I've ever heard. And that's saying something" I insist.

"Just trying to sweet talk you because I forgot the chips in the car so all we have is tacos and orange juice, per your weird pregnancy craving request" he says.

"Hey. Now we have a car snack" I smile.

"See this is why I love you" he admits.

"To the moon and back" I promise.