Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.24. Catching Up

Celeste

Now that football season is underway that means I spend most of my Sunday's at the field. I'm not really sure why I have to be here, it's not like I am the difference maker in these games. I'm just a football wife who dearly wishes she wasn't anymore.

But it wasn't all bad. This is one of the few times I am allowed to talk to people that are not James or my mother or one of his assistants. The girls here were sweet for the most part, of course you always get the crazies coming through every once in a while. But when you're husband is the quarterback and two time league MVP usually the girls respect that. It's hard to believe I'm with him because I'm soft spoken and relaxed and he... he's borderline a dictator. But for a while that worked. No one really questions it around here. You go around sticking your nose in places it doesn't belong that gets you traded.

Now for a few hours on Sunday's I can see a few people I call friends. Although these friendships have a specific time and place it is still better than nothing at all. It's hard to hide the truth from them because they all talk about cute dates and their kids and everything I wished I had and I have to sit here and pretend that I am happy the way I am when I'm just not. Put on that happy face and lie through my teeth to protect a man who deserves nothing but the worst.

"Oh my god, Celeste is that you" a sweet voice rings out and I smile.

I turn and see Jordan Howard's wife Carmen standing there. She was a short little thing but the one in this organization I am closest with. I open my arms up and she walks right in them.

"Hey Car, how are you" I wonder as I give her a squeeze.

"I'm good. I thought I wasn't going to see you considering I never hear from you" she teases.

"It's been a long off season" I admit. And that wasn't a lie.

"Well whatever you did was good because you look as beautiful as ever. What a lucky man James is" she says and my smile falls. If only he thought that way.

"Enough about me, how was your off season" I question.

"It was pretty chill. We traveled some and went back home where Jordan did a lot of community service. He worked out with the area high schools and donated money to the community to better it, anything to help the kids. Nothing too crazy" she admits.

I choke back my tears because I would kill to have that. To go anywhere in the world and it still feel like home because I'm with him. It kills me to see everyone in this room doing what they want and they assume I have it all because of who I'm with. In reality they have it all, the love, the adventures, the ability to go back to where they come from and give back after all this time. I would love to go to Seattle and help some of the less fortunate kids find their love for the game or help out the school. We didn't come from riches, we were middle class and there's a lot of things he could help fix back home. Only if he cared about anything besides himself.

"Earth to Callie" Carmen says as she waves her hand in front of my face. I shake my head as I come back to reality.

"Sorry, what did you say" I wonder.

"A few girls are grabbing a drink, would you like one" she asks.

"I could use a drink" I admit.

I follow her to the bar up here and we find a few of the other girls. I was closest to the offensive guys significant others so that's who I end up catching up with. They tell about how they got married or had kids or did something fulfilling over the past eight months and I got a forced trip to Bora Bora where we literally didn't leave the hotel the entire time and I found a guy that I know not so deep down I truly belong with and can't be with.

"So Callie, anything fun planned for this season" my friend Heather asks as I shake my head.

"Not as far as I am aware. Though I'm sure James has something planned" I admit.

"I'm talking about you! What are you doing" she questions again.

I just shrug as I sigh. "I'm not planning anything. I have no kids, no hobbies or interests. I'm just... here" I insist.

"Well that's not fun. We gotta make some plans, maybe some day trips or lunches and we can find something that makes your heart tick" she tries.

Like he would ever let that happen.

"I'll see what I can do" I smile.

"I'll take it" she cheers.

I know what they say about me. That I'm bland and uninteresting and flat. And they would be right. They can go to bars with each other but I can only go if James comes with. They can go and eat whatever they want and share gossip over drinks, I'm allowed one drink on game days that isn't loaded with carbs and none any other day. They can plan, they can have their mind of their own and I can't. And if I was them I wouldn't want to make the effort I hang out or stay connected with me either. What's the point? The answer is almost always no and when I can do stuff I just end up miserable. Why try?

"Bathroom break" Carmen announces as she grabs my hand. Before I can put up a fight she pulls me to the bathroom and turns to me.

"Alright, I know this face. What's going on" she asks me.

I just shrug as a soft sigh passes my lips. "I'm just tired I guess" I admit.

"Tired of what, exactly. Because I can tell it's bad" she tries. I don't answer her as she waits for me to say something but I can't find the words. "Is it James" she questions.

I slowly nod my head as she lets out a sigh. "Did he hit you" she wonders.

"No" I admit.

"Are you in danger" she wonders.

"He doesn't physically hurt me. He just... I look around and I see such powerful woman in that room with a purpose and there is me. He has taken everything from me. I'm barley allowed to be here without him and any other time he controls my every thought, my every move. He tracks me and if he thinks I'm doing something he wouldn't approve of I'm forced to go back to the penthouse. I have no thoughts in my head, it's just him and it scares me. I feel like nothing. I want so bad to pretend to be happy, I finally get to talk to people and I hate it. I just want to disappear" I say on the verge of tears.

She pulls me into a hug as she pats my back and it does help. "Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. We all kind of knew what was going on but we didn't know it was this bad. What can I do" she asks.

"Nothing. You can't say a word, not even to Jordan" I beg.

"But you need help" she tries.

"You can't do anything. Promise me you won't say a word" I plead.

"Alright" she sighs. "But when you're with me you're not a part of him, you're just you. Okay" she asks.

"Okay" I nod.