Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.53. Last Word

Celeste

While I was going through life James has been going through the court system. The state of Illinois doesn't play around with drunk driving. You can get up to 28 years in prison for each case of vehicular manslaughter due to DWI and he had two counts against him at that. And he didn't deny anything, the lab results had his blood alcohol three times higher than what is legal and he ran into them. There was no way around this. If he pleads guilty the sooner he gets to jail and the sooner he gets out. And though the jury is supposed to be unpersuaded one way or another I'm sure some of them were fans of his. But I believe justice will be served.

It comes to the end of his trial and they wrap things up. I hear my phone ring on the counter next to me as I try to make some dinner for Anthony and I. I don't even look at the caller before I answer it.

"Hello" I ask.

"Hello, this is Jenna from the county jail. I have James on this line wanting to talk to you" he explains.

I kinda figured this would happen. I was his scape goat for everything but there is no escaping justice this time. Maybe he will finally see that most people's actions have consequences and he is still human.

"Put him through" I answer.

I hear a click and then the line was silent. He doesn't say anything and I knew this was timed so I'm not sure what he wants from me.

"Hello" I ask.

"Hey Callie" he says sadly. Park of me felt bad because he didn't do anything on purpose, but he still messed up and he still needs to reap what he sows.

"Is there a reason you called" I ask him.

"I just wanted to hear your voice" he tries.

"That's crazy because I had tried talking to you for years and you never listened to me. I find it hard to believe that now you want to hear my voice" I insist.

"I know you won't believe me but I do miss you. I miss you a lot actually. Not many people would have given me as many chances as you did and you didn't give up on me for so long. I didn't realize it at the time but I was lucky to have you. Now I don't have anything" he explains.

"You have yourself. And you are going to have plenty of time to work things out within you so when you're ready to be in society once again you will be a part of the solutions and not the problems" I say.

"I'm not meant to be in prison" he whispers.

"Well I had been imprisoned by you in my own mind and let me tell you, it's worse than you think. But you'll get out one day and you'll realize I gave you my all. I tried so hard to get you to see me as a equal and that's all it took to keep me around. Just a little bit of freedom and a little bit of love. And now you're going to have to learn how to live with those things as I did and no one is going to be there to save you" I explain.

"You're not going to help me" he questions.

"Why on earth would I help you" I scoff.

"Because at one point you did love me" he tried.

"I did James. I loved you with my whole heart. But a lot of love doesn't mean it's good love. A lot of shit is still shit. And now I know I deserve so much more than what you have shown me. I am loved in a way that you see in movies and read in fairy tales. And you're not the one that makes me feel this way. I only want love because being with you and not being loved is the worst feeling in the world. I hated it. There is no love without sacrifice but no amount of love makes it worth what I lost being wrapped up with you" I insist.

"So you're probably not going to come visit me" he sighs.

"No. I'm not. And I'm not going to answer any more calls either. That's not fair to me and that's not fair to Anthony. He has been nothing but patient and kind helping me pick up the pieces you broke apart. I'm not risking anything between Anthony on I with pity for you. That's ridiculous.

If you want someone to help I suggest you go to your mom. Because she mourns for you. She misses her son she raised the best she could and you could use a woman's touch. It just won't be mine" I insist.

"She won't answer my calls" he tells me.

"It sucks doesn't it. To cry out and for no one to listen. To feel so low, so dark, only for every candle you lit to be blown out. I don't want you to suffer James, no one deserves that. I just pray you find out why what you've been doing for so long is wrong and that the only way you get better is by changing" I say.

And with that I hang up. He won't have the last word, not this time. I put my phone to the side before leaning against the counter. I let out a long sigh as I shake my head.

Eventually Anthony comes home and I make us two plates. The Cubs convention was this weekend and he was finishing up some things to get ready for the 2018 season. And I wasn't ready for baseball to start quite yet because I didn't want to say goodbye to the city not that I can finally explore it. But I was excited to watch him play.

"Did you see James got 30 years" he asks me and my eyes go big. I really didn't think that man would ever be punished, but I guess I was wrong.

"That's a long time" I admit.

"It is. And yet I'm still not sure it's long enough for him to see that he fucked up" he shakes his head.

"Probably not. He'll probably serve half of that in a nice penitentiary. If that" I sigh.

"At least he won't be bothering you anymore" he tries.

"Funny you say that because he called me today from where they were holding him" I confess. Anthony looks at me questionably trying to figure out where this is going.

"Why did he call you" he wonders.

"He doesn't have anyone else. He doesn't have me either but he's still struggling to figure that out. But he'll have to do it on his own because I'm taking no calls or letters or anything from him. I told him he's a part of my past and not my future. Therefore he will stay in my past" I explain

"That's a brave thing for you to do" he smiles.

"I learned from the best that I deserve to be excited about the future. And my best futures are with you and you only" I promise.