Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.72. Worth It

Anthony

Leaving Chicago wasn't really hard for me my first few years in the big leagues. My apartment was empty and the best parts of the city I got to bring with me in my teammates. The organization. The fans.

Then that all changed last year when what I left behind was someone I love and was in a pretty shitty situation with me gone. What was worse than being in a bad situation was leaving someone you care about in that situation with no one there to comfort them? To hold them, there was no way to know if they are okay or if they're going to be okay.

Luckily for us that ship has sailed but now leaving is harder in a whole another way. Because I know she will take care of the baby better than most women but I feel better when someone is around to take care of her. It's not hard to get caught up in life, especially here. Though she is strong enough to go it on her own I would rather be by her side than apart. I'm afraid I'm gonna miss when the baby starts kicking or when Callie's water breaks or something like that. I didn't realize how hard it was to be a dad and be a baseball player. And she has this fear of our child growing up without a dad because she had to. This is totally different but at the same time there will be times where she is tired and needs a break and I won't be there to give it to her. She deserves to have someone by her side to help her figure this all out and now I'm afraid that I won't be able to do that.

The worst part is no one even knew I was going through this crisis because we haven't told anyone. And I get that, Celeste has every right to want to do this with the less amount of people involved for as long as she can. Stress isn't good for her and once people find out there will be nothing but stress. So the best move for us right now is to plan on the down low and pray that we figure this all out.

I just wish I could have her with me all the time. I miss her a lot and these road trips seem to last forever nowadays. Leaving the city was never this hard but now it seems impossible.

I sit in my hotel room as I look through some things Celeste was looking at on our registry. It was private right now but I was in love with a interior designer so she knows exactly the kinds of things she's looking for. We don't know the gender yet but we wanted a gender neutral room anyway. There's so many other colors besides pink and blue, and I'm sure once we find out the gender some of that will come into play. But the spare room already had the star ceiling and we were going to look at star names so we might as well stick with that. So she had been looking at cribs and toys and wall decorations, all the fun stuff. I told her we could move and look at houses but she insists that there was more than enough room in the apartment. One big life move at a time.

I hear a knock on the door and I quickly close my laptop. Once the door opens I see Jon there and let out a sigh of relief. I thought a fan found me and I was going to have to move rooms... again. But I welcome him in and he looks me up and down.

"Are you okay" he asks me and I look at him weird.

"Yeah, why" I ask.

"Because we offered to pay for your dinner and you said no. You don't turn down free food" he accuses.

"I guess I'm just... homesick. I have a lot on my mind and I just want to be back with Celeste" I admit. It wasn't a total lie.

"Ah, you got to the separation anxiety part of the relationship" he accuses.

"And when do I get out" I wonder.

"Who said you got out" he smirks as I let out a long groan. "Don't get your pants in a wad, it does get a little easier. Some games she will be able to come out to once she's done with school and you guys will find a good rhythm between having space and too much space" he explains.

"I just... I didn't know it will be this hard. I can't help but think that this isn't easier for her and at least I have baseball to keep me distracted. I have a few hours of my mind not being on her. All she can do is watch the game wondering if I'm thinking of her too" I sigh.

"Callie is a strong girl. She's been in situations that most girls wouldn't ever have made it out of. She will get through this too" he promises me.

"And what if she decides it's not worth it" I whisper.

He looks at me weird as he waits for me to say something more but I don't elaborate on my question. It was a weird one to ask but there is a chance that she can't do it on her own and she might not want to wait around for me.

"I don't think that's true" he finally says. "A lot of sports centered relationships don't work out because commitment it hard. But she believes in you, in your love, she won't give up on that because things are hard. If anything this will just make her want to fight harder. She'll want you around even more and when you guys finally are together... well you know what happens" he smirks.

"How do you do it" I wonder. He's been around longer than anyone here.

"Trust. I trust her to hold it down while I'm gone and I trust myself to do everything I can to make it back to her. I believe in our love and our journey and know for every hardship there's a beautiful moment in there somewhere" he says.

"And what about your kids" I question carefully.

"They get to watch me on tv and the best feeling in the world is getting sent pictures of them in front of the tv cheering me on. They don't expect anything from me. They get so excited when I come home no matter how bad I did and they know once I'm there they have all my attention. Its my favorite part of coming home" he smiles.

I smile to myself as I nod my head. That actually really did help me. "Thanks Jon. You're a great friend you know" I ask.

"I try" he teases.