Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.18. You Saved Me

Anthony

Now that it's August and baseball is almost starting to wind down we're getting into the dog days. We've played over 100 games already and we're tired. With a few breaks sprinkled in we haven't had much time off to relax. Every day you wake up and it's the same thing over and over again. I get paid millions of dollars to do this so I don't have much room to complain... but it doesn't make it suck any less.

I wake up early this morning and go out to eat for breakfast. I don't cook unless I really have to and I didn't have to. So I grab some Panera and head back home. As I walk to the elevator I get stopped by the front desk lady. "Mr. Rizzo" she calls and I walk over to her.

"Hey, what's up" I wonder.

"The woman you had over the other day came here looking for you. She seemed... distraught so I let her up. I didn't know you weren't home" she admits.

"How along ago was this" I whisper.

"Just a few minutes. But she hasn't come back down" she tells me.

"Thank you, thank you so much" I tell her.

I rush up to my apartment and find Celeste sitting in front of my door curled up in a ball like the first time I found her. The familiar sound of her world coming down around her passes her lips and it just breaks my heart.

"Callie" I call out and her head pops up. Her face broken, her demeanor dark as her eyes find mine.

I drop my food and rush over to where she is. I pull her into a hug as she latched her arms around my neck. I just let her cry into my chest for a while so she knows that I'm here for her. I knew that whatever was going on I was going to help her get through it.

Once she was composed enough I pull her inside leaving my breakfast there in the hallway. I get her to the couch in the hopes that she had gained enough strength to let me know what's going on.

"Callie, what's happening" I wonder softly.

"I think- I think I'm pregnant" she hiccups.

My eyes go big as she waits for me to react, to respond. But I was shocked, I thought they didn't want kids. "Are you sure" I ask.

"No. I haven't taken any tests but I'm pretty late and I'm on birth control but it isn't a hundred percent effective" she explains.

"Isn't this what you wanted" I question.

She shakes her head as her cries start to die down. "I can't have a kid with him Anthony. He won't let me" she claims.

"What do you mean he won't let you" I question. Like he owns her body or something.

She just sits there staring at the ground. I can feel her whole body just sink and I wasn't sure what was going on. Honestly I was scared to know. But something was bothering her and it was something she doesn't talk about. I can see it begging to get out but she is putting her all into suppressing whatever it is.

But I also think she has reached a breaking point.

"Last time I found out I was pregnant, James made me have a abortion. I was 10 weeks so it's not like I could pop a plan b and call it a day. I was over two months even though I wasn't showing or anything. I was scared to tell him because I didn't know how he would react.

Once I told him he looked me dead in the eyes and told me we were getting rid of it. He didn't even think about the options we had, his only thought was to kill it. Didn't ask me what I wanted to do, didn't give me the option to put it up for adoption or anything. And I'm not against abortion, responsibly there is a lot of times it is the right decision. I couldn't say that if it was my choice I wouldn't have came to the same decision. The whole thing is that it should be the mother's decision. But I didn't get a choice.

That very hour I got dragged into the doctors office. They looked at the baby on the monitor, we listened to the heartbeat. Then next thing I know I was given pills and being laid down on the table and my child was taken from me.

Maybe I wasn't ready to be a mom, maybe that man doesn't deserve to have children. But I didn't deserve to go through that either. It was so painful and so uncomfortable. He sat there at the back of the hospital room and watched as I cried, I had my child literally ripped from me. He was unbothered and I was broken.

And then we left that day, he never once asked me if I was okay. Never asked me what it was like to have someone kill my child while it was still in me. I never told anyone, but it haunts me to this day. I feel unworthy of having a kid because of what I did. I shouldn't have gotten pregnant and none of that would have happened. I should have been more careful and aware then maybe... maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty" she cries.

I sit next to her just broken from her story. I never would have thought that after everything she told me before today, it wasn't even the worst part. She's been going through this by herself for so long. She's been suffering in silence for so long that she believed that no one would listen. But I was listening.

"Why don't I get you some pregnancy tests and we will go from there? I don't want to scare you if it's negative and if it's positive you will be making the decisions" I say.

"I don't think he would let me" she admits.

"We will find a way, okay" I ask as I cup her cheek. She placed her hand on top of mine and I can feel her hand shake. She was so scared, so terrified of what might happen. I just pray we don't have to make any hard decisions.

I run downstairs to a drugstore here in water tower and purchase three pregnancy tests. I grab her a root beer and skittles before heading back up to the apartment. She takes the tests and we wait out in the living room for them to be done. The snacks I got her seemed to make all of this a little better. I pull her into my lap as she cuddles up into my chest. My arms latched around her tight so she felt a sense of saftey.

"I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm sorry you lost your child you weren't ready to let go of. You have to know that you're not a bad person. None of that was your fault. You didn't deserve to be forced to have your body taken control of" I tell her.

"I really just feel like it doesn't matter what I feel or what I think anymore" she says softly.

"I care about what you feel, what you think. More than I ever should I care about you Celeste. And no matter what those tests say I'm with you" I promise.

The timer on my phone goes off and she jumps a little I could tell that she was not ready to know her fate. "I can look at them" I say.

"Can you please" she whispers.

"Of course" I insist.

She crawls out of my lap and I head to the bathroom. I bought the most expensive tests and I'm happy it was digital because I would be the one to read it wrong.

I look down and all three tests said negative. I let out a sigh of relief as I grab them.

"They're negative" I announce as I show her the tests. Her hands cover her mouth as the biggest sigh escapes her lips.

"Oh my god" she cries as I sit back down next to her.

I pull her into me as she leans into my chest. "Anthony I don't even know what to tell you. Thank you isn't enough. I really... I was seconds away from slipping into a dark place I'm not sure I would ever come out of and you, you saved me. I can't explain to you how much you mean to me" she claims.

"I just want what's best for you. Especially in a situation like this. No matter what I'm here for you" I promise.

"Thank you" she says with a sad smile.