Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.58. Space and Time

Anthony

People have this crazy way of thinking that once people are out of a bad situation that it's easy sailing from there. Like when people get out of the army after years of service and everyone acts like they can just be a part of society with no questions asked. They look at Celeste the same way, they see that James is locked up and she's in love again and so that must mean she's all good. No worries right?

But the thing about healing is that it's not linear. It's not a straight line to the top. There's ups and downs in this journey and just because she doesn't talk about her bad days doesn't mean they're not there. There's some times when she wakes up and she's not in the mood to do anything. She wants to stay in bed and that's perfectly okay. I understand that people have bad days and that doesn't mean it's a bad life. This doesn't mean that I'm not making her happy, I know I am. She tells me if there was anything I could do and I will do it. But sometimes it's not something that can be done. It's just the feeling of all those hardships and long nights weighing on you no matter how far you are from them.

And Celeste woke up this morning feeling low, she went to breakfast with some of the girls and took a nap but it didn't really help. She talked to her mom and she was feeling a little better but it was still hard for her to shake that heavy feeling. She just felt down and there wasn't a singular reason as to why she felt that way. You can go through so much heartache and torture and pain before it catches up with you.

So after a long day for her I take her out to go look at the stars. Something I know she will always want to do and will mean a lot to her. So I grab the thickest blanket I could find and some iced coffee since it's her favorite. We drive away from the places we have come to know to find ourselves somewhere unfamiliar. Once we were far enough away I put the car in park and set out blanket on the ground next to it. I sit on the soft material as Celeste rests her head on my lap. I run my fingers through her hair as I look up at the stars.

I look down for a moment and see Callie wasn't looking at the sky but at me. She had a small smile on her face which caused my lips pull tighter. The stars floating in her eyes sparkling bright despite all the darkness that surrounds her. But she is strong enough to shine through anything, she's proven that. Through strength comes days like this where you don't quite feel like being strong. And that's why we're here.

"I used to pray for moments like this. Where I can just be with someone and feel fulfilled. We don't need words, all we need is space and time and that's enough" she says softly.

"You prayed for me" I wonder.

"I prayed for you before I even knew you were who I was praying for. I never prayed for James to change because I knew that wasn't possible. I didn't pray to be happy with him. I prayed that one day I will find a light bright enough to bring me out of the darkness that lingers inside of me. To show me the way and not just hand me all the solutions.

And in walked you, the brightest light I've ever seen. Never letting the darkness consume me, always being bright enough to keep my head up and look towards the sky" she explains.

My heart beats so hard against my chest as she shares these things with me that is hard for her to say. Even on her worst days she lets me in and that's why I know that through the worst we become the best.

"No matter where in this world we are I will always see you like I see the stars on a clear night. Even on cloudy nights like the one you went through today I'll always be there. Even if you can't see me you can feel me. I will always be a part of you and no one can take that from you" I promise her.

"And no one can take me from you" she smiles.

I softly rest my hand on her cheek as she stares up at me. Our relationship has rarely been easy. So many people have so many opinions about her, about me, about us. And none of them know, that's the worst part. We could tell them our story but people won't believe us. Even with James in jail people are not going to believe that he is a bad man. And thankfully none of their opinions matter. Of course we appreciate the support we have but our love is strong enough on its own to get us through these long days.

"Are you feeling any better" I wonder.

"A little bit. I still have this feeling in my chest like the world is weighing down on it. Like all this pressure is building and building and it's going to crush me. But when I'm with you you lift me up. You take away some of the weight and I feel a little better" she explains.

"Good" I smile.

"Can I ask you something" she wonders.

"Of course" I assure her.

"Have you thought about our future" she questions.

I just nod my head as I run my thumb across her cheek. "Of course I have" I assure her.

"Does it scare you" she asks.

"A little, yeah" I admit. "But I'm not worried if we'll last or if we can make it through the hard times. I'm worried about if I can make you happy for the rest of our lives, or that if baseball will be too much for us" I admit.

"So you think we will get married, start a family" she questions.

"I do" I nod. "I have thought about that a lot. Sometimes it's all I think about. I just hope I will make all of this worth it."

"You are worth it all. I would go through those ten years again if that means that on my worst days I can end up under the stars with you" she insists.

"You won't have that many bad days as long as I got a say in it. Whatever you're going through we will get through it together. Even though I don't know what the future holds for us, as long as I have you it's worth it" I insist.