Celestial Love (Anthony Rizzo)

.39. After All This time

Celeste

I stand at the edge of the same bed I've been in for five years now. I never liked this bed, it was too firm for me. It always felt so... so empty no matter if he was laying there with me or not. And there's not enough pillows, not enough love, not enough trust. As I look around I realize that this... all of this was him. His bed, his clothes, his room. No pictures or anything that shows personality. It was bland just like our marriage. And with me staying here meant I was his too. But no longer was I going to sit by and let this man rule over me. No longer am I letting the darkness this man carries dull my shine because I'm scared he won't accept it.

I take my wedding ring off and I look at for a good few seconds. This gaudy Diamond will weigh me down no more.

I toss the ring and it lands right on James' forehead. He immediately wakes up rubbing his head where the ring hit him.

"What the fuck" he mumbles as he sits up. He picks the ring up before looking at me confused. His eyes look me over for a second before shaking his head. "You're kidding right" he asks.

"Not this time, no" I admit.

"You really think you can leave me" he threatens.

"Do I think I can? I'm not sure. But do I need to? Absolutely" I explain.

"So after all this time you're going to run off with some dude you barley even know" he questions.

"I'm not going with Anthony, actually. The Howard's were nice enough to give me their spare until I get my feet under me. This isn't about Anthony this about me. I need to find myself again before I can think about putting myself out there" I say.

"You're nothing with out me" he tries.

"I'm nothing with you. I'm not funny, I'm not creative, I'm not even me. I'm nothing. And now that I'm free of you I can find who I want to be. You can have all my clothes, you can have my phone my car, my social media accounts. Hell you can take your last name back. You can keep it all. I don't want to be tied to you in any way possible. I can finally be me and that's better than you will ever make me out to be" I insist.

"You're insane" he accuses.

"Maybe. But nothing would be crazier than staying here with you expecting my happiness to bust through every wall you put up and find me. Happiness was never a option for me in here" I tell him.

"I can't believe that after a decade together you would do this to me" he scoffs.

"And what about me James? I can't take another ten years of what you put me through" I defend.

"Why now" he questions.

"Because I finally realize that I'm not alone. I thought I was. But my mom showed me strength and Anthony showed me love. The girls showed me support and even your mom encouraged me to cut the ties. And I don't want you to think this was easy. This decision wasn't made in a day, rather every day since we got married. And it's nothing you can do, you're never going to change. This is just how things have to be" I say.

He doesn't respond as he just stares at me. I can tell he was pissed but he had to see it coming. I tried to find every way to make this as painless as possible but I still feel bad. Maybe he could have changed eventually, but I'm not wasting any more time and energy waiting around to see if he figures it out. I know the man I loved is gone, and he's never coming back. I finally accept that. And thus him and I are never going back.

"Uh... the divorce papers are on the kitchen table. My lawyer drew them up so if you have any problems take it up with him. Everything is yours, you can sell the clothes I wore, let your hook ups wear them. I don't really care. Once you sign the papers let Jordan know and he will inform me and we will get them finalized.

And I guess that's- that's the end" I sigh.

"No tears for me" he asks.

"There no tears left. I've given you my everything James, I'm all dried up when it comes to tears for you. Through every pregnancy scare or panic attack I had because I was that scared of coming home. The tears were enough to fill solider field. But you never cared about those tears, you let me drown and so my love for you died at the bottom of the ocean" I say.

"You'll be back" he smirks.

But I just smile as I shake my head. "I won't. I'm strong enough to stay away from you" I promise him.

And with that I leave. Ten years of my life now behind me and nothing but opportunities ahead. I wanted to go back to school and see my mom and start a job and get to know Anthony better. There was so much I was looking forward to for the first time in such a long time.

I get downstairs and I see Anthony standing there. He understands my decision not to stay with him quite yet. I wanted something to call my own for a while before I'm back to sharing. But I know with him it'll be 50/50 and he will let me eat whatever I want and wear whatever I want. Right now I needed to heal before I jumped into that.

The smile on my face grows as I look into his eyes. He smiles back before he pulls me into a kiss. "So, how did it go" he wonders.

"Honestly? It was empowering. I feel like I have a sense of closure. Of course this isn't the end but it is the beginning. And I can't wait to see the world with you" I admit.

"We're going to do great things, once you're ready again. We can see the world, try whatever it is you want to try. And hopefully you will be able to fall in love with this city in the way I have" he claims.

"That sounds like a plan" I smile.

Before I go to The Howard's I pick up a few things. Anthony helps me get a phone and I grab a few things to wear. Once I was ready he brings me to the house and I move into the spare. Jordan and his wife Carmen were really doing me a huge favor by letting me stay here. They've been around almost as long as I have so I knew them well. And they knew my situation. Carmen was one of the few girls to reach out to me and stay in contact. She had a rough childhood so she knows how hard toxic relationships are. And they're hard. But she promises to let me stay as long as I needed and I thank her and Jordan a million times over.

I turn to Anthony as it was about time he headed out. Our future together wasn't written but it was exciting.

"I want you to get settled and focus on yourself for a while. Then when you're ready we can go on a date" he tries.

"I would love that. I'm hoping James signs those papers soon and I can be free" I sigh.

"He'll sign him. He's not a good guy but I think he will realize that this is how things need to be" he assures me.

I pull him into a long kiss and he holds my face. "I love you Anthony" I remind him.

"I love you most" he promises.