But to love is to live. (Criminal Minds)

XXXVIII. Healing

"Yeah, Grace come on!" JJ yelled from her spot on the bleachers as she watched her daughter run towards the goal Grace expertly dribbled and swerved between players before finally shooting the shot that won the game. JJ jumped up in her seat cheering loudly out of instinct she looked to her right where the bleacher sat empty. Elizabeth came up beside her, lacing her hand on JJs shoulder. "I know you miss her."

JJ gave Elizabeth a weak smile "More than anything."

After the game, Grace ran up to her Mom and Grandma. JJ wrapped her daughter in a tight hug "Last game of Junior year how does it feel?"

"Okay. I wish Mama was here to see it."

JJ kissed her daughter's head again "I do too baby. I do too."

Elizabeth said cheerfully "I saw some scouts watching you!"

"Really?!"

"Oh yes!"

"Did they look like they were from Pitt. or Georgetown or Yale?"

Elizabeth smiled "I think I saw Georgetown."

Grace's smile widened at that. Elizabeth asked the two "How about we go get ice cream to celebrate?"

Grace looked up at her Mom, hope in her eyes. JJ smiled pushing her daughter towards Elizabeth "You go with Granny. I have to do something real fast."

They nodded leaving JJ. JJ slowly opened her phone going to her contacts and she gazed at her wife's name before finally clicking it. It rang before the everpresent voicemail reached JJs ears ''This is Emily Jaureu-Prentiss sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and ill try to get back to you as soon as I can."

"Em babe it's me. You would have been so proud of Grace today. She scored the winning goal. Uhm, some scouts were here. They couldn't keep their eyes off of her. Uhm I wish I could talk to you. Hear your voice. Hold you, kiss you. I love you, Emily."

After JJ hung up the phone she looked up at the sky saying "Oh how I miss you blackbird."

JJ slowly started making the trek to her car where Grace and Elizabeth were standing. JJ walked up giving them a weak smile "Shall we?"

As the three loaded up in the car Elizabeth asked "How's Declan?"

"Oh, he's doing really good! He and Abigail moved in a few months ago he's doing his Doctor thing which sadly means he doesn't get to visit too often."

"When is he going to ask that girl to marry him?"

JJ smiled sadly "With everything that happened with Em he's waiting but he does have our blessing. He asked both of us before Em left us."

"How's he taking this whole thing?"

"Uhm, he's okay. He misses her obviously but he knows it had to happen."

That evening JJ and Grace were in the living room reading separately. JJ looked up and just watched her daughter. She was about to finish her Junior year of high school before long she would be off at college making her an empty nester and with Emily being gone that silence seemed almost threatening. Grace had grown into a beautiful young lady. Strong, independent, fearless at just 17 she already had the signature Prentiss stare and Jaureu strut. Without saying a word the teen could speak full sentences. JJ didn't know how long she had been staring till she had been pelted in the head by a pillow. She looked up shocked. Grace has a smirk on her face "For someone staring you sure didn't see that coming." 

JJ's mouth fell open before quickly closing as she threw the pillow back at her daughter. Before long the two of them were throwing the pillow back and forth. Grace got JJ good and JJ quickly threw the pillow onto the couch effectively ending the game "Okay. Okay, you win."

Grace smiled at her Mom triumphant. Grace's phone buzzed she looked down to read a text from Dean. She looked back up at her Mom asking "Hey can Dean come over tomorrow?"

"Of course. What are you two doing?"

"Apparently there is this new girl in his English class who really likes pool and so he invited her to go play pool with him."

JJ said, "But I thought he hated pool."

"He does because he sucks-"

"-so he's coming over tomorrow to practice on our table?"

"Precisely."

"Well, you are the best to help him."

"Well we know I'm not the best."

"I know honey." JJ said sadly "But she did teach you everything she knows."

"I know I just wish she was here."

"Me too baby bird."

Grace stood walking over to her Mom kissing her cheek "I'm going to go to bed."

"Okay, bub."

JJ turned to watch until her daughter was out of sight. JJ looked around the house. Everywhere she looked she saw Emilys ghost. Her sleeping figure topless, baby Grace on her chest. If she looked to the mental she would see Emily hanging the stocking, If she looked to the bookcase she could see Emilys form standing elegantly against it thumbing through the pages. The coffee table was an ever-present reminder of late-night study sessions. JJ looked to the left to see Emily expertly hanging the pictures. To her right, she saw her wife standing by the glass door watching their children swim. Next to the outside door was the dining room table where Emily would sit and read the paper. JJ stood slowly moving about her home. The kitchen reminded her of one of their many flour fights. She could still hear Emily laugh when she looked at the island. The island where Emily loved to play chess. As JJs hand ran up the banister she can still feel the vibrations of when Emily would bound up each step as graceful as a gazelle. Down the hall, her eyes scanned all the photos that served as a reminder of when her wife was home. She looked into Grace's room choosing to lean in the same spot she caught her wife in time after time. She walked through the master where Emilys side of the bed didn't look worn. She would blush slightly as hours upon hours of sweet, gentle lovemaking would play over and over in her head. She went into the bathroom looking at the now empty vanity space where Emily's makeup once was. She reached out for her toothbrush. The only toothbrush. She took a long hot shower, her body trying to find any way to replicate that feeling of Emilys arms wrapped around her. After her shower, she went and laid in her cold bed her hand reaching to the left side of the bed that now laid still. She rolled further that way until her nose hit Emilys pillow. As she inhaled her wife's scent saying "Goodnight my love. I miss you endlessly."

A/N: I'm back! Whatcha think? While I am back I'm pretty dry on ideas. Grace will be between the ages of now (17) to 22 so what kind of chapters do we want? I know we all miss Declan and we will see him soon! As always thank you for all the love and support!

xoxo K