it had happened again. junhui had lost all sight, consciousness and feeling in specific parts of his body, passing out in the middle of a wonderful summer afternoon. again, he had scared minghao with his current state.
though he couldn't talk about it with anyone beside doc, junhui knew all too well that his body slowly began taking its toll and started working against him on a growing pace. it was only a matter of time before a situation like that afternoon would happen again since junhui had absolutely no control over it at all.
"say junhui, i really don't want to scare you, but i think it's best if you start being more careful. i think if you stop taking part of intensive activities, or the ones that require a lot of energy, you might not burden your condition too much." doc explained, sitting next to the boy on his bedside.
junhui had his back resting up against his head board, his lips pressed in a tight line. minghao had purposely been left out on their little conversation, junhui not wanting to burden him with the current state of his condition. even when doc had insisted to tell minghao what exactly was going on, junhui assured him that it was something he didn't need to know yet.
not now things were finally going better.
"so no more walks after lunch?" junhui asked, looking up at doc with a sad yet desperate smile.
"i'm afraid you can't join us any longer, unless doctor kihyun miraculously shows up with a cure. which is also still a possibility!" doc tried to make the atmosphere a little less heavy, trying to change the subject from junhui's possible death to something a little more cheerful.
oh how junhui wished to stay optimistic right now. if it wasn't for the home-like lake house he was staying in, junhui would have lost it a long time ago in the eternal white hospital. therefore he was thankful he was able to spend his last weeks on a destination like this. even when his prospect wasn't anything more than depressing, being located in the middle of a remote valley with the most unique and beautiful landscape didn't seem as bad as he initially had thought.
especially with a person like minghao by his side.
"even doctor kihyun said i'm practically incurable."junhui said, dropping his shoulders as he gazed out of the window in front of him, purposely staring past doc.
"come on junhui, you can't lose hope right now. especially not now hope is the last thing you can count on."
hope. a small word junhui wished to forget right now. when it had all begun, they said it would only be temporary. and look what hope had brought him now, an incurable disease and a possible death that would happen within just a few weeks. just stubborn hope wouldn't save him from his miserable fate.
"if anything, i want to spend my hope on minghao's sake. my own is deemed to fail anyhow." just when doc was about to find another answer to contradict his claims, junhui interrupted him carelessly. "just don't, please. i know i'm supposed to stay all positive right now but having hope isn't going to change the fact that i'm going to die in, who fucking knows, three? maybe four weeks? five at most?"
junhui let out a cynical laugh as he rested his head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. he hadn't even noticed the fact that he had raised his voice out of annoyance, not wanting to be lied to. there was no need to sugarcoat the truth when junhui already knew that he was dying, put it bluntly.
"i guess it's just unlike you to suddenly lose all optimism." doc said, finally gaining junhui's attention. "you know, hope might not be your thing. you might want to forget about the things you're going through right now and i notice you've been pushing it away just to be there for minghao constantly. maybe you don't want to feel anything right now, but forcing your feelings away will only bottle things up and make your condition worse because of a possible stress factor."
"and that, junhui, is why people believe in hope. hope is something you can clamp onto when the world around you seems to be falling apart. how much you don't want to feel anything right now, if you have something to clamp onto that gives you a certain sense of hope might help you more than you might want to believe."
junhui had to take a moment to comprehend doc's wise words, the reality of the word hope taking its time to flow into his system. maybe doc was right after all, if he could find a certain something he could clamp onto he would most likely find the true meaning behind hope. but he knew deep inside that it wouldn't be a something nor anything like an object. rather said, a someone.
perhaps minghao was his hope, that would give him the positivity he needed to get through what he was feeling right now. even if his disease was something physical, regarding his feelings minghao could help him further than he himself would ever be able to.
"oh and another thing i wanted to tell you. since me and the other doctors have observed your condition for the past two weeks you've been in here, we came to conclusion that we want to give you the opportunity to invite your group of friends over for a day. with the possibility to stay the night of course." doc added onto his previous lecture on hope, finally succeeding in making junhui smile.
"all of them?" junhui asked, his fingers already itching to send a text to the certain toe cult groupchat. "but wait, isn't this lake house supposed to be a secretive hospital experiment? then why can i invite friends over?"
"because we decided we could make an exception for you. besides, kihyun doesn't need to know, right?" doc gave junhui a mischievous wink, making the boy only happier the further their conversation developed.
now finally he had the opportunity to introduce minghao to his friends, something he had been dreaming of since he and minghao had gotten close.
