"The bravest thing I ever did
Was continuing my life
When I wanted to die."
~ Juliette Lewis
Part 44
Angel's Pov
I walked out of my room to find Blaize, I shouldn't have behaved like that. I promised him that I'll try to move on from my past and live my present with him.
I will try my best for him, seeing Clara and Aaron after so many years again brought back memories which I never wanted to visit but still I have to try, for Blaize.
If I stay with him, the memories won't Haunt me so I decided to be near him but I couldn't find him anywhere, I didn't even know this house fully so I might get lost too.
After checking many rooms for 5 minutes, I saw the door at the end of the hall was half open and I could see Kate sitting on the side sofa with Declan. Are they all here? I went near the door and heard voices.
"I told you blaize, I told you to go and talk to her, but you didn't listen." I heard Adrian say. Talk to whom? I frowned in confusion.
"You wanted to surprise her on Christmas that day, but just seeing Angel showing that pregnancy test to Ian you thought she betrayed you, you thought she was pregnant and left in thought that she forgot you. I told you that you'll regret it" my breath stuck in my throat as I heard those words.
I opened the door fully and saw everyone was in the room. Kate saw me and gasped, making everyone look into my direction.
With slow steps I went inside, my body froze as I registered what it means.
My questions from blaize have been answered today with this one sentence. He thought I was pregnant with…. How could he? Is that why he left me?
I looked at Chris and asked "Di-did you believe-believe that too?" He closed his eyes and looked down. I could see tears flowing down his eyes. The silence was my answer.
I was wrong, I was wrong, it didn't hurt this much when Ian and James hurt me physically but today it hurts so badly that it was so hard to even breathe. He never trusted me, they both never did.
I looked back at Blaize, he stood up and walked to me but before he could touch me I walked out of that room in fast strides.
I could hear him calling behind me but I didn't stop. Today I'm feeling different kinds of emotions, it's heartbreaking and it's worse than I felt when he didn't return back then.
I'm feeling something is building inside me, like it wants to burst out and I just want to scream, scream and scream. Is it anger? I have never felt anger before, is this how it feels?
"Angel, please stop, please let me explain, just listen please" I stopped in my tracks in the living room as I heard his words.
This time I did something I never imagined I could do. I turned around and walked to him at a fast pace and slapped him hard across his face. I could see the shock written on everyone's face.
I looked at blaize in his eyes which held only guilt. "Did you? Did you let me explain? Did you even think about giving me a chance to explain?" I yelled at him and never thought I could have yelled this loud.
"I.. I'm sorry ..I'm so sorry. Please. .please don't leave me… Ange-" I cut him off in the middle. "Don't you dare say my name, you … you are a.. a...a… I don't even know what to call you"
"Angel, I love-" again I yelled in the middle of hearing that word. "No blaize, you didn't love me, you never loved me ever, you don't even know what love is, you didn't even trust me, you just saw me showing some pregnancy test to some other guy and thought that I betrayed you, that I'm pregnant with…" I sobbed hard as I registered what he thought of me, my heart broke into million pieces as I know now that he never loved me.
"No, please-" "Shut up blaize, just shut up. Ian..Ian... Ian used to say that you just left me hanging there, you must be enjoying somewhere with someone else someone better than me while I just cried there missing you, he used to say that I should move on, that you have replaced me with someone better but never once, Blaize never had I ever believed him, you know why? Because I trusted you, I trusted that my blaize would never do anything wrong to me, but I didn't know that Blaize was never mine" at the end I cried like a baby and Kate ran to me then pulled me in her arms.
"And you never trusted me once blaize, you didn't have the guts to come inside and ask me what is right or what is wrong, you just judged me like all those other people, you are no different than them blaize" I said and again walked to him.
I held his collar tightly with angry force. "Even when we met again after years, you treated me like some garbage but again my heart said that it loves you only , you called me every dirty name but I never able to make myself to hate you, I still trusted something must have happened so you couldn't able to came back and why you changed, never once I blamed you for anything" I pushed him away and he stumbled on his steps.
"Even when you told me Lacey was your girlfriend my mind believed it, it finally believed that Ian was right, you did found someone much better than me, but my heart still trusted you and still loved you, you all think that I married him to save my mom, yes it was the reason but I would have never married if the groom wasn't blaize, I married because I trusted him, I trusted that it's Blaize and He would never hurt me, he will definitely accept me again one day. But I didn't knew the blaize I loved never had existed in first place"
"You never gave me a chance to explain myself, to express my feelings then why expect me to give you any chance to do the same? Why?" I screamed out the last part as I sobbed hard. "Am I not human? Don't I have feelings?"
"Whatever you did blaize but I always loved you, always loved you even when you just hated me. I even fell for your hate too but now I have only one feeling for you, only hate." I said punching his chest. I punched his chest repeatedly with saying, "I hate you, I hate you I hate you"
He didn't say a word, he just listened to my outburst and tears continually flowing down his eyes.
I turned again to leave the house but blaize came in front of me that instant.
"Please Angel, you can scold me, Hit me, hurt me, do anything but just don't leave me, please. I know what I did was the worst thing anyone could have ever done but I can't change the past Angel, I'll always say sorry for that but I want to make you happy forever, please just give me one last chance." I took a deep breath to control my emotions and looked away from his tearful eyes.
Why? Why am I still feeling pain for him? Why can't I see him hurting and crying? Why can't I hate him? Why do I love him this much?
"Angel, that day I tried to stop him but he didn't listen and now I'll stop you too because you are making the same mistake as he did. If you two love each other then how could you leave each other for some misunderstanding." I heard Adrian behind me.
I know what he said was right, but I need time to think and handle myself with all these hell fire of emotions.
"You can take time if you want Angel, just please don't leave, I really can't live without you" I closed my eyes as blaize said that.
Without saying anything I ran into our room and locked it. I really didn't want to see anyone. I just want to be alone with myself, my emotions, my pain, and my feelings.
I closed all the curtains then turned off the light and welcomed the darkness.
I laid on bed and cried harder, I really don't know when will this stop.
I heard the knock on my door but didn't reply. Then I heard the door opening and saw it was dad, and he had the same touch key.
"I'm sorry I couldn't control, I just want to talk" I looked at the other side telling him that I wanted to be alone.
He sighed and said, "It's okay, who even wants to talk to this old man" Now I understand where blaize got that Childishness act.
"No, it's not like that," I said in a low voice. I felt him sitting beside me and sighed.
"You know, I remember when I first heard Sofia told me about you, I didn't believe her that my son could have fallen in love, he was so hard headed and filled with anger but when she told me that there is someone who can turn his anger into love, I didn't believe her."
I looked at him in confusion, what was he trying to say? "Yes he did wrong in not trusting you, it isn't love if you don't trust your lover. You know why Sofia left to paris?" He asked and I shook my head in denying.
"She was angry at me and because we didn't communicate much. I was busy earning a fortune for her without knowing what exactly she wanted. She didn't try telling me but just left with our children. Then it took me so much time to understand the value of her" I felt so sad for him. They should have talked.
"Everyone has misunderstandings but that doesn't mean you just left your loved ones" I told him softly and he smiled at me. "I know sweetheart, that's why I took her back but our destiny had some other plans too. She finally left me forever" I wiped the single tear rolled down his eyes.
"You know Angel, she took a promise from me that in future I'll help you and blaize to get back together. But then blaize came back from Paris without you and told us what he saw and heard." I closed my eyes again remembering he never once loved me.
"When he believed his eyes and ears without communicating to you then I understood that he never loved you, because he wouldn't do that if he had fallen in love, so there was no use of searching for you and getting you two back together." I hugged him tightly to let go of this pain that keeps breaking my heart again and again.
"There, There little one, you know your story and they know your story too, but do you know his side?" I looked up at him confused.
"After Sofia's funeral, I was lost. I thought my life had ended but I needed to control my emotions for my sons. They were my support and I was their but blaize was much broken then me. He stopped showing his emotions and always had this poker face. Of course he lost two most important people in his life."
"Every night I saw him crying until he was asleep, he stopped smiling, and enjoyed old times. At first I thought it was because of Sofia but one day I saw him talking to Sofia's picture that how much he hated you for breaking his heart, he could have done anything for you, every night he said to himself that he hated you and he was so just broken beyond repair"
"Then I understood my son had actually fallen in love and also had his first heartbreak. I didn't know if it was true or not but I knew that my son was so heartbroken that he had stopped living his life. Even if he made everyone believe that he moved on but I saw the love in his eyes which was buried deep inside him."
I looked at him with wide eyes and opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I don't even know what to say.
"I know you are hurt, you were hurt and it was his mistake but the pain he had bore by losing you was bigger than his mistake. I am not trying to defend him but I am just trying to say that you weren't alone who got hurt sweetie. You know he even stopped crying after a few weeks and buried that emotion deep inside too. But I saw him crying again after so many years."
"When you were in hospital, he kept sitting beside you and muttered sorry for not believing you. He kept crying in fear that he might lose you too. For him you did betray him but he was ready to accept you with everything. For him it was you, who never loved him. But he was ready to give you love enough to fill your whole life. So if you still think that he never loved you then this time it is you who's making a mistake."
I kept listening to him silently. He brushed my head like a father would do. "I'm not taking his side sweetie, I just don't want you two to waste your whole life in these misunderstandings. I want you to give him one last chance, I know you won't regret it. I believe my son on this."
I looked up at him and nodded my head. "I'll try but I need time too dad. I understand what you said but-" he cut me off in the middle. "I understand you too sweetie, I'm not forcing you. You can take all the time you need. But think about what I said." I nodded my head again and he stood up to leave.
Blaize entered the room when dad was leaving. He looked at blaize and smiled. "So son, I just wanted to ask you one question. Do you regret now that I married you forcefully to her?"
Blaize sighed and shook his head. "Never, never in every lifetime" Dad chuckled and walked out.
My heart broke as I saw his broken self. He looked like a defeated man. I can't see him like that, even if I said I hate him but I can't ever. I loved him with every good and bad, so why am I taking my steps back?
He walked to the bathroom like a dead person but I stopped him before he could enter inside. "Wait"
He stopped and looked at me with so much pain, guilt and regret in his eyes. I wanted to take all the bad feelings from him and fill his heart with love but we need time to collect ourselves.
"Okay" I said and he looked at me confused but a sad smile broke out on his lips when he understood what I meant.
"Th-thank you so much Angel" "But I won't forgive you until.. .until I don't know" I said and took my pillow and a sheet to sleep on the sofa.
"No, you can sleep on the bed, I will sleep on the sofa please" I didn't reply and slept off on the bed.
Blaize has always promised me to give me happiness but what did I give him? I always thought about my pain but there are people having much harder life than me.
Today I learnt love doesn't only mean to trust each other, it's also meant to never hide anything and always communicate. There should be no secret in love.
It was not only his fault, it was mine too, I never told him about Ian and he knew I would never lie to him, that's why he had that misunderstanding. So I'm in fault too.
I'll give each other a chance blaize, and today I promise you that we will be together forever.
I loved you, and I'll love you forever.
.
.
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Author's Note
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