~It hurts... Because it matters.~
~ ALEXIS ~
"Where the hell is he?" I thought to myself while staring at the side where Xander went to park his car.
I was standing in front of one of my favorite diner and we were supposed to have dinner now but he has been parking his car for the last 15 mins.
I don't blame him though this diner was the best in our area and always packed. It takes forever to find a parking place.
A chilly gush of air passes by, making me shudder. I should have brought the jacket with me. The climate is getting colder day by day.
"Oh." I gasped, staring at the woman who came to stand beside me. She looked familiar.
I tapped on her shoulder making her turn around. "Hi." I chirped, waving my hand.
She looked at me with furrowed eyebrows before they shot up in recognition. "Oh, you." She gasped, like me. "How are you? And how was the wedding?" She inquired.
I replied with a nod. "I'm fine. The wedding was awesome. Your chosen centerpieces were a blast, everybody loved it." She chuckles, thanking me.
"I am sorry, I forgot to ask your name that day," I asked.
"Oh, right." She slapped her forehead. "I am sorry, me too. My name is Nina Palmer." She holds her hand out to shake and I shook it. "Hello again, Nina. I am Alexis Cooper. You can call me Alex." I introduced myself.
"Pleasure to meet you again, Alex. And please call me Nin. It's cuter." She grins adorably making me chuckle.
"Ok. So, Nin, how come you are here? Do you live near this neighborhood?" I questioned.
"Yeah. A couple of blocks away from here, actually. We shifted here from California, a month ago."
"We?"
"Yes, my fiancee and I." She blushes. So cute.
"Oh, fiancee...that's cool." I smile. "So, you are here for dinner?"
"Yeah, my fiancee loves the New York strip and french fries of that diner." She points to the diner that I was going to. "He literally dragged me here."
"Wow, really? I love that too! I am a regular here." I beamed.
"That's awesome. Since we are at the same diner, do you wanna eat together?" She suggested.
"That would be great." I clapped my hands together, nodding in agreement.
She chuckles. "So, are you here alone?"
"No, Xander went to park his car like a million years ago. He hasn't returned yet." I answer, rolling my eyes.
She giggled. "Same. Logan went to park his car too."
My heart skipped a bit hearing that name after 11 years.
"Logan?" I blurted, involuntarily.
Her lips tuck up into an adoring smile. "Yes, Logan Jones, my fiance."
A shiver ran down my spine as unwanted emotion started rushing all through my body.
No, it can't be him.
That's not possible. They promised that he will not return. This is-
Her smile widens looking something behind me. "There he is." She says, before shouting his name. "Logan here!" She shouts, waving her hands up in the air.
"Baby, I told you to wait inside the diner, why are you standing out alone?" Her fiance scolds her.
That voice.
My breath caught in my throat and I struggled to breathe out. My body refuses to turn around and see if it was really him.
She rolls her eyes. "I am not here alone, I have a friend with me." She points at me.
I was on the verge of passing out from the panic I felt inside.
Please don't let it be him!
"Really, who?" He asks, walking in front of me.
My eyes fell on her fiance and my whole body froze. It was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on my head.
An audible gasp escaped my lips as I subconsciously took a few steps back.
"Lo-Logan?" "Alex?" We exclaimed, simultaneously.
It was really him.
My breathing went erratic when our eyes met. The same hazel eyes from 11 years ago that tormented me for years.
His eyes and mouth went wide in shock. I can't tell if he was genuinely surprised or was just faking it. "Oh, god, it's really you." He whispers in a soft voice.
My mouth went dry, I couldn't speak.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
He is really here!!!
A warm coat drapes over my shoulder. "Look, you are shivering, babe. I told you to wear something warm." Xander's voice made me come out of my trance.
"Hello." We heard a small voice. Xander looks ahead and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oh, you are-"
"The florists." She grins, completing his sentence, and waved her hands at him.
"Right, how are..." Xander stops, staring at Logan, who refuses to move his eyes away from me. "Who is this?" He asks with a frowny voice.
"That's my fiance. Logan Jones." She introduces him.
Xander clears his throat making Logan look at him. "Oh, sorry, I just-" He again looks at me. "It's been so long, right Alex?"
"Alex, do you know him?" Xander asks, draping his hands on my waist and pulling closer. I was so damn grateful for that.
Nothing came out of my mouth. I had no idea how to introduce Logan to him.
Finally, I found my voice and nodded slowly, trying to calm my erratic heart. "Yes, Sorry, we are meeting after so long. I was just a little startled." My voice came out surprisingly steady.
Logan awkwardly scratches the back of his head. "Yeah. We went to the same high school," He answered Xander's question. "We were really close back then." He continued, smiling at me like he was insinuating there was something serious between us. His words made my lips purse in detest.
Why is he acting like this? Did he forget what happened 11 years ago?
"Wah, is this fate or what?" Nina laughed, clearly not feeling the tension in the air.
"How do you know each other?" Logan asks Nina. She smiled widely. "We actually met when I went to meet my Grandmother last weekend. And what a coincidence we met here again." She grins. "Before you guys came, I was just asking her to join us for dinner. This is going to be a fun dinner."
"Oh." "WHAT?" Both Logan and Xander said at the same time, looking at me.
Shit!
.
"How are you? It's been so long, isn't it?" He says, his eyes staring into mine.
I nod, reluctantly. "Right, I have been great."
"Do you still hang out with Rick and Trisha? I haven't seen them in so long." He asks, trying to continue the conversation, which we both knew I didn't wanna have.
It frustrates me that he was behaving so normal after everything that has happened. Did he suffer from amnesia or something?
Why is he behaving like this?
"Yeah, we are neighbors," I replied, controlling my anger as it was starting to take over my fear of seeing him again. "And they got married recently."
"Oh, really?" His eyes widen in surprise. "That's awesome news. I remember how long Rick waited to ask Trisha out in high school but always chickened out at the end. He had such a huge crush on her back then." He chuckled, shaking his head. "It's so great to hear that he finally had the woman he loved for so many years." He smiles and his hazel eyes stare into my blue ones making the hair on the neck of my neck stand.
He is definitely up to something.
"Hey, are you cold?" Xander pulls my chair closer. I was instantly hit by his warmth that made me relax a bit.
"No. I am ok. Don't worry." I smile at him, he didn't look convinced but nod a yes.
Nina clapped making us startle. "This is so great, isn't it? I was scared I won't be able to make friends in this new place. And look I've got one today. Yay!" She chuckled. I smiled back, unenthusiastically, which she failed to notice.
I don't know how to get out of here without letting Nina and Xander raising questions about it.
Our dinner got served, shortly and I scrunched my face up when noticed peas on my plate. I heard a laugh and look up at Logan. "Still hate peas, huh?" He asks.
I shrug. "Old habits die hard," I said with an underlying meaning that I hope he understands.
And the way his body stiffens and his face forms a frown. I knew he did.
"You guys look close. Were you dating or something?" Nina asked, casually.
"Yes." "No." We answered simultaneously. Our heads snapped towards each other.
"Well..." Nina cleared her throat, awkwardly, while I feel Xander stiffen beside me.
"We never dated," I said, staring at Logan in a challenging way.
"We went out," Logan said, his voice deepens in anger. Why?
"Once," I raised my eyebrow. "We didn't get a chance to go on a second date. Remember?" I tilt my head, glaring hard. He must have remembered... since after that night I- We've never been the same again.
His jaws clench, as he matches my furious eyes.
"Why?" Nina asked again.
"My father had to transfer to California, immediately and we had to move." He told her before I had a chance to say something. He looked at me with -- which I assumed to be -- pleading eyes.
I stayed silent... not for him, but the sake of Xander. I don't want to drag him into my mess.
.
"Are you ok?" Xander whispered near my ear.
"Yes." I smiled at him. His eyes clearly told me he isn't buying my bullshit.
His phone rang saving me from his intense stares. He looks at the caller and excuses. "I have to take this." Before he gets up, he leans towards me and whispered. "Whenever you wanna go, just tell me." I nod, feeling mushy. He kissed the side of my head while getting up to take the call.
I bite my lips, staring at his back while breathing out in relief.
He is here, I am gonna be ok.
"You guys are really close, huh?" Nina cooed, but something in her voice made my neck hair rise.
Weird.
"Well, he is my boyfriend." I shrug in an obvious way, glancing at Logan, who was too focused on his food or it seemed like it.
"Since when did you guys are together?" Nina asked.
"A couple of months," I replied.
"Oh, that's not long." She nods.
"Yeah, we were brand new." I grinned.
She chuckles. "That's why you guys look so into each other." I frown, I didn't like her tone.
"Hmm..." I hummed. "Excuse me. I need to go to the washroom." I said when my head started aching.
.
I splashed some water on my face, breathing out. It can't be a coincidence, right? I mean he comes back and everything started happening so fast?
But the question is why? Why after 11years?
I shake my head and splashed some more water on my face.
"Is something wrong?" I heard Nina's voice beside me and hopped a bit. When did she come?
"No, everything's fine." I smiled. She nods and smiled back before applying some lipstick on her lips.
"How did you meet Xander?" She asks, looking at me through the mirror.
"Through a common friend." I shrug. She seems quite interested in our relationship.
"You are a lucky girl. He is so fucking hot!" She giggles.
"Excuse me." I almost scoffed at her. We aren't close enough for her to make such comments.
"Relax girl, I am just complimenting your achievement." She chuckles.
"What achievement?"
"You won yourself a rich and sexy boyfriend. Not many girls can do that." She shrugs, nonchalantly.
Is that supposed to be a compliment?
My temper slightly wavered. "That's my boyfriend, Nina, not a trophy." My voice went a little deeper.
What's wrong with her?
"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't mean to offend or anything. Sometimes, I just babble without thinking. I am so sorry." She says, looking guilty.
I slowly, breathe out. I shouldn't take out my anger on her. This is not her fault. "That's ok, I guess." I shrug and went back to fix myself up.
"Ahh!" She yelps, blinking repeatedly.
"Hey, are you ok?" I asked in concern, taking a step towards her.
She takes a step back, facing another side. "No." She shouts. I stiffen in my place. "I mean I am fine, something went into my eyes. You go ahead, I will be right behind you." She says while opening the tap.
"Oh, ok," I nod, frowning.
Is it just me, or she is really acting a little weird?
Well. I shake my head and pat my damp hands on my jeans, only to realize I left my phone in the washroom.
I ran back inside. "Sorry, I left-" I stopped in the middle when I saw her startled face. My eyebrows furrowed as she turns her head away at lightning speed and put on her lenses.
"Why are you here?" She asks, her voice sounds irritated.
"I left my phone." I went to pick up my phone and show it to her. "Your eyes, they are-" I started only to be cut off by her. "Not blue. I know." She finishes putting on her lenses and smiles at me. "But I have always wanted blue eyes. I think they are sexy, that's why I started wearing lenses." She shrugs.
"Oh, but your eyes are pretty, though," I said.
She smiles. "Thanks." She picks up her clutch. "Let's go, the guys must be wondering where are we."
And she walks away.
Weird.
.
The waiter came with our bills and Xander offered to pay the full bill. Logan didn't look too happy. "That's ok. We can pay for our half." Logan insisted and paid their half.
After paying the bills we walk out of the diner.
An awkward silence settles in as I tried to avoid Logan's eyes. On the other hand, he didn't take it off me. He was staring at me with something in his eyes that frightened me.
Xander clears his throat. "It's late, we should head back home."
"Yeah, right," Nina smile.
"We will see you around," Logan said, staring at me.
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The whole car ride back home was filled with an eerie silence. Xander was silent, even though I thought he would fire me with questions and my mind was filled with thoughts of Logan.
It can't be coincident, can it?
The texts, the roses, the notes, and now him. There's no way it just happened like that.
"Alex!" Xander yells. "Huh? What?" I blinked, dazed.
"I called you like 3 times, what's wrong with you?" He sounds frustrated.
"I am sorry, I was thinking something, why?"
"We have reached." He said and I look around to see we were parked in front of my building.
"Oh." I sighed. "Let's go," I said, but Xander denied it. "No."
"What?"
"We are not going back until you tell me what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. Everything is fine. Let's go, I am sleepy." I grin.
"Don't." He stared at me seriously and my smile falters. "Do not smile when you don't feel like smiling." He said.
My back stiffens. "I don't understand what you are saying?"
"You think I don't notice?" He hissed. "Do you think I didn't notice how hard you were trying to look normal and smile these past 2 weeks, Alex?" My heart stopped.
"I-I don't know, what you are talking about, I am perfectly fine." I utter, turning to another side. I opened the car door to leave. Xander leans and holds my wrists, pulling me back to face him.
"Look at me." He ordered and I did. "Tell me what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. Stop overthinking."
"I am overthinking? So, you are telling me that you do not look scared every time your phones beeps? You do not keep looking around when we are out? You didn't you lie about that copper-haired guy? And you obviously didn't know who send you that rose?"
I gape at him. How did he- "Who is this Logan guy?" He asks, again.
"I-I-" I stammered. I don't know how to answer that.
"Tell me, Alex." His soft, warm eyes stare at mine, soothing my soul.
I don't wanna lie to him, so, I just twist the truth a little. "I already told you. He is Logan, a... friend of mine. We were in high school together."
"That's not all. Why are you keeping things from me? Why are you lying to me? Why can't you just tell me what has you so scared?" He holds my hand between his. "Tell me what's bothering you, Alex, please." His comforting eyes and voice were hurting my heart. I can't do this to him.
I hate to see him like this.
But I can't tell him about this either. Not now, at least.
"We didn't exactly part on good terms, so it was a little awkward to see him after all this time. Is that's enough for you? Can we drop it now? I am not in a mood, Xander. Please." I plead with my eyes to not ask more questions. I don't think I can give him more information.
"No, I can't drop it, because I know that's not all. You are not telling me something and I don't know why?"
I sighed, feeling my head starting to ache, again. "Look I have told you enough. You don't need to know everything, ok? Just don't ask more. Please can we just go home and sleep? I don't have more energy. I'm tired." I said, trying to hold in my temper.
"No." He shakes his head, stubbornly. "No, I've waited for enough time for you to tell me but you didn't. Now, we are not going anywhere until you tell me everything." He clenches his jaws as his hands tighten around my wrist.
Sudden anger surfaced and I couldn't control my outburst. "Enough!" My voice went a little higher. "I told you I don't wanna talk about it. Why can't we just drop the subject? I just don't want you to know."
"Why don't you?" He looked like a little hurt puppy.
"Why would I? Why would I tell you who was he or who send me those roses? Why the fuck you would expect me to tell you anything at all? It's not like you are my real boyfriend. Are you?" I yelled.
I was breathing hard when I finished and stare at him. I waited for a few seconds to hear him deny or accept it, but he was all silent. My hands clench into a fist. "Exactly, what I thought." I pass him a tight-lipped smile and wriggle my wrist out of his hands.
I banged the door of his car hard enough to break the glasses and walk out of his car.
My breathing became heavy as a huge lump settles in my throat. Bloody bastard. Who does he think he is?
I had to blink multiple times to clear my blurry vision. I refuse to cry over that son of a bitch.
Of course, he can't say anything, fucking wuss. Why was he asking me all those questions acting as if he cares even when he didn't have the guts to accept that he likes me?
He couldn't even say he liked me. Why? Doesn't he?
I reached my apartment cursing the daylight out of that asshole.
Out of curiosity, I ran near the window to check if he was still here... and he was. His car was still parked outside.
What was he doing? Why isn't he coming after me?
My eyebrows furrowed. Is something wrong?
I turn to go back down when I stopped myself. NO. I can't go now after making a fuss. It's not- Just then I saw his car speed onto the road.
The little hope I had inside me broke when I saw his car vanish into the street.
An ugly sob escaped my lips as tears made their way out of my eyes.
Fucking asshole.
He really left.
~.~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
My phone rang and I sprung up, wincing.
Sore muscle, SORE MUSCLES. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I try to stretch my body but it hurt more.
I slept on the cold floor of the living room the whole night, waiting for his call. Groaning, I pick up the phone hoping it would be Xander.
"Xander?" My rough, sore voice made me wince.
"No, it's Drake," A worried voice says from the other side. I cleared my throat a couple of times before speaking again. "Oh, sorry. I didn't check."
"Are you Ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, I am fine." I breathe out. "You called so early?" I asked.
"Yes, I found out about his whereabouts, he is in-"
"New York, living a few streets away from me." I completed it for him.
"Wha-Ho- I mean who told you?" He yelps in surprise.
"I met him yesterday."
I heard a screeching noise before he yelled. "WHAT?!?" I wince taking the phone away from my ear and sigh. My head is already bursting I don't want him to kill me. "Geez, a little low, Drake."
"How are you? Are you Ok? Did he say something? Did he do something?" He fired up a lot of questions.
"I am fine, nothing happened. We met at a diner and Xander was with me. We just talked with him and his fiance."
"Fiance?" He questioned.
Isn't he suppose to tell me this stuff?
"Apparently, yes. He has a fiance and they shifted here a month ago. I met his fiance once before, I didn't know she was with him back then."
He was silent for a whole minute. "I don't feel good about this. Something's bugging me."
"I know, me too." I agreed.
"Really? Did you notice anything different about him?"
"He seemed normal actually. It was like he completely forgot about that, but I know he remembers." I said as nothing much came into my mind.
Although he darken eyes when he said 'we'll see you around', still haunting me, I don't wanna seem stupid in front of Drake.
What am I gonna say, his eyes looked different?
"I am starting to get worried, Alex. Did you even informed anyone about this yet except me?" He asks.
"No," I whispered slowly, knowing well that he is going to get angry.
"I knew it." He sighs. "I know you think you are a wonder woman, Alex, but this is not high school. Please inform everyone and let them and us help you."
"Ok," I nodded.
"Will you at least come and file an official complaint, so we can take the necessary actions?" He implored.
"Yes, I was thinking about going today."
"Oh, great, come over and I will help you ok?" I nod to myself and thanked him before hanging up.
I sighed and stare at my phone. I unlocked it and went to check my messages and calls again.
Nothing, not a single call, text, or even a miss call from Xander.
My eyes went blurry again. Damn it, I don't wanna cry over a guy. The last time I cried over a guy was in 3rd grade and that was because he refused to play office me.
And now this. I am crying over a fucking wuss. I don't know why it hurts so much to even think of never seeing him again, to never able to touch him or talk to him, why does it scare me?
It wasn't like I was so in love with him or anything. Was I?
So, why does my heart breaks every time his hurt look crosses my mind?
Why am I afraid to lose something that wasn't mine, to begin with?
Not able to contain my emotions, I cried again. I cried for don't know how long but all this crying did nothing but hurt me more.
My stomach growls.
I sniffed and went to eat something. I look at the refrigerator and my eyes water again. "There's nothing to eat!" I cried. "What is happening to me? Why is everything going wrong?" I yelled and cried, crouching down.
After crying for another round, I stood up again and made some cup-noodles that I found in one of the cabinets.
I sat on the counter and thought of last night.
Was I too harsh with him? I mean he was just asking because he cares and I yelled at him for that.
Should I apolo- No, why should I? He should be the one apologizing.
And that how I started a verbal battle with myself, well, the Xander's fangirl side in my head.
But what was his fault? He was asking those things because he was worried about you. My inner Xander's fangirl side said.
"It's not about the questions!"
Then what is it about? She asks.
"Why didn't he say anything when I asked if he was my boyfriend? I mean he could have said I want to be your boyfriend, or I am asking because I like you and care for you? Why didn't he say anything? Why did he leave? Why didn't he come back and hugged me? Why didn't he call? He didn't even text!"
You didn't too! You could have said you like him. You could have thrown a fit and asked him to be your boyfriend. Why didn't you? She scolded.
"I never did that before! It's- it's embarrassing. I can't ask him out."
It's not the 1980s, it's ok if you ask him out! Just call him and tell him how much you like him and ask him out!! She yells, excitedly.
"Well, she does have a point. I can ask him out, right?"
Of course, you can. She sighed, dreamily.
"But what if he doesn't like me back? I mean if he did he would have stopped me yesterday."
But he does like you, didn't you hear Nicole that day? And what about the time when came straight from the airport to cheer you up? No one would do that unless they like someone. Right? She reminded me.
"That's true"
That's it. I've decided what to do. Even if I get shot down, I am gonna try once.
"I gonna propose to Xander," I whisper to myself.
You go, Girl. She Cheered.
I roared, rising my chair and holds my spoon up. "That's right." I threw the spoon to wash and ran to the living room. I searched for my phone. Where are you now?
"Aha!" Found the phone.
I sat on the couch, crossing my leg, and unlock my phone. My finger hovers over the green call option beside Xander's name. I tried pressing it but pull up my finger again.
Does this seem desperate?
I shake my head, no, I should just stop thinking and call him.
I finally pressed the call button with shaky hands and place the phone on my ear. It was silent for some time then... "The person you..." I screamed and ended the call.
Wait- was that a woman's voice?
No- it was...I picked up the again and call his number. "The person you have called is currently unavailable, kindly call again later."
What?
I called again and the same thing happened.
Is he ignoring me now? I huffed.
Ok, then.
~.~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
"Thank you so much for the help, Drake," I said, giving him a brief hug. "I don't know what would I have done without you."
I finally filed a complaint and provided them all the text messages and the notes I received as evidence. Drake was a big help.
"That's not a problem, Alex. Call me anytime you need me." He smiles. "Go home safely, ok? I will call you if we found anything." He says and I nod.
I called a cab back home when I remembered I have nothing to eat for lunch so I went to a near diner.
"Thank you." I smiled at the waitress who served me my lunch. I opened my phone again to call him and the computerized voice repeated the same thing.
I was starting to get worried. Is he ok? My gut feeling says otherwise.
Should I call Emerald or Eva? But I don't want them to know about the fight.
"Ugh." I put my phone upside down on the table. It was so frustrating.
Then again, what if something happened to him? Thinking of him being hurt gave me immense pain. It actually physically hurt.
Finally deciding to call Eva, I pick up my phone. I was about to call her when my eyes fell on a familiar woman trying to cross the road.
Wait.
"NINA!" I screamed when I saw her getting hit by a bike.