***
Jason
The world spined when I opened my eyes. Almost like the world was tilted by its axis so much that nothing made sense anymore.
Up was down and down was up. Welcome to the story of my life101! The time was almost 3pm and I wasn't even surprised at how far the day has gone.
The world must have spinning because I was having a hangover. I had arrived at Los Angeles early in the morning and after pounding on Xavier's door for a good whole minute. The door opened last night to reveal a shirtless Xav.
Events of last night was slowly crawling back in. As usual Alcohol could dull the pain for a moment but it could never take away the edge or the depth and it always return with a bang.
"Jace! Man what the hell its almost five in the morning"
"I have a daughter!"
"I have a daughter!" I said o myself again now after almost eighteen hours of finding out. As the word rolled off my tongue it felt real. My head was pounding harshly now as the rest of last nights filtered in;
"Congratulations Man! To you and Liz," Xavier opened his arms widely to hug me and stopped halfway when I added the last part, "I have a five year old daughter with Tiara!"
His mouth formed a round "o" shape in shock. I could have sworn it was wide enough for insects to enter.
"I want whiskey!" I ordered. Pacing down his room with my bloodshot eyes. I've just traveled a six hour flight and I've been on my feet non stop for the last 24 hours.
"You dont drink Jason. Not since Tiana's death" Xav said worriedly.
I ignored him and moved towards his liquor cabinet, Ipoured myself a full glass. Who needs those tiny shots tight now? They couldn't douse the fire or confusion in me. Also I couldn't care less for ice.
As I drank glass after glass I found myself telling him all that was going on. He sat beside me and listened till I was drunk. Drunk enough to fall asleep.
"Jason!" He called out sharply, "hey man are you up?"
"Yea, come in." I sat up now to face the door.
Xavier came in balancing a tray in his hand. "I brought you hangover mix, soup, fresh bread and some painkillers"
"Thanks man." I nodded gently to him. He placed the breakfast tray beside me and it felt awkward. Xavier sat at the far edge of the bed as he watched me eat, we sat there in silence; him staring at everywhere while I focused on eating.
He had something on his mind, I knew he was just bidding his time before he said it so I asked first, "say it."
"What?"
"Just say it, Xav. " I implored and stuffed my mouth full of bread and soup.
"Are you okay man?" Concern contorting his face harshly.
With a tight lipped smile on my face I muttered, "I'll be fine."
******
"So, what you're trying to tell me now is that you have a daughter with your dead wife's twin that neither you or your wife knew about till last night?" My mom asked, her eyes bulging so hard if she opened her eyes any more they will bulge out of their socket.
After my revelation and my entire story, where I left out the part about my wife not wanting to have children because I'm not sure my mom was ready to deal with that.
I nodded gently as I processed it all. This was the longest time I've seen my mom go silence for. She wasnt expecting it. At least that makes two of us.
"How did Liz take it?" She asked first then shook her head in pity, "poor girl, this will be life changing for you both."
Liz!
"She doesn't know yet mama" I replied. Mom scrunched up her face in confusion probably not getting the logic.
"Wait what were you doing at Tiaras house at night. Didn't you go with your wife to visit?" It sounded like the most natural question yet to me it wasnt.
"No mom. Does that even really matter right now?" I asked and hooded my eyes as I felt guilty.
"What else is going on Tolulope?" She asked and pinned me with the stare. Its the 'I'm your mother do lie to me stare' and I couldn't resist. I told her everything, every single thing.
She looked at me with so much disappointment, I didn't even understand where it was coming from. "Did you learn nothing from your first marriage?" She asked.
"Mom I____" She gave me another stare that shut me up. She wasnt done talking to me yet.
"You married your first wife based on butterflies and whatnot how did that work out for you?" I hung my head low, speaking about Tiana always felt too raw for me.
"Mom Liz isn't Tiana!" I whined.
"I know that. I'm glad about that, but it isn't my point. The point is the foundation you lay your second home on is as weak as your first. You fell in love with this woman Tolulope and nothing mattered. Not the fact that your beliefs dont align, you didn't even have serious conversations about your future. Wanting to have kids or not is something you talk about before marriage."
"We did talk about kids mum. I told her I wanted to be a father and she said she wasnt ready yet. At that moment not being ready was okay, because we still have our careers and our lives ahead of us. But this is new, this is different." I tried to defend myself suddenly tired of all this emotional drama.
"Did you have a conversation about it? A serious conversation where you sat down to plan the when it was going to happen. The number of kids you both wanted. Did you guys have a financial plan and agreement on how to spend and support each other?
Did you share your short term goals or your long term goals together?
I asked you out meeting her family and you said she doesn't have any and now you're telling me about all of her past.
How do you get married to someone who doesn't share your beliefs in the the first place?"
My mom was a Christian, a strict Christian. So this must have been coming as a shock to her. When we got married Liz didn't mind having it at the church because my mom was in the front line of preparations but I think that's the last time she has been in one since we got married.
"So you is she an atheist or she is Agnostic?" She asked again.
"Does it really matter, Love is supposed to conquer all isn't it?" I muttered.
"Ore e ti daru(You're mad)" She cursed at me and pointed to her head with her fingers spinning in the air to signify that some of my bolts up there must have come loose.
"Mummy!" I shouted.
"Mummy kill you there. No sorry, Love kill you there!" She flung back.
I kept quiet. This was the point where anything I said was only going to fuel her more so instead I pondered on her words. Courtship between us shouldn't have been just about the sweet dates and the funny things we didn't lay any foundation. Its why I've found myself adjusting and adjusting while I called it love.
Did she even want to marry me in the first place? Sometimes I feel like if the hostage incident never happened we will never be together.
I loved God. Growing up it was the only way how. Especially back when I stayed with Iya Agba in secondary school. Its hard to not be able to share your faith with someone you love and harder when you guys dont have common grounds in lots of other areas.
"So what now?" I asked my mom after it felt like ages later.
"Go home. Tell your wife, since she doesn't want to give me grandchildren the least she could do is to accept the only one we have. Find a way so that your child can live with you, its just as you said you have lost too much time already."
"But Mom, I can't just take the child from Tiara. We have to work on a custody arrangement or something like that. Also I need to think out the implications this will have on my marriage." I scratched my head gently. It was almost evening now and I've been away from home for almost a whole day.
"I'm glad you want to do right by them both. That's noble of you but Tolulope listen to me, whether your wife agrees to it or not this is now our grandchild. Tiara is now a member of our family and I'm not going to sit back and let your love take that away from me. After all this is the only grandchild you're telling you're going to have." Her hands was in the air and she looked frustrated. I could tell she loved Liz but this, this was hard for her to accept.
My mom has been dreaming of grandkids since as long as I came of age and to have this taken away from her must hurt.
I got up from the Patio now and made to go back inside to my siblings when Jadesola came outside. "Bro!" She shouted and rushed into my arms, hugging me so tight I chuckled at how cute she was.
"Hey Jade! Why are you home and what happened to your face" I asked.
"Nothing. I woke up in the middle of the night to get water and didn't want to turn the lights on so I hit my forehead on the wall." She said quickly hooding her eyes.
"My clumsy Jadesola as always. Next time put on the light fish" I was smiling when I said it but she winced quickly I saw it.
"I miss you. Why do you have to live in San Fran? I know its all because of that your stupid wife." Jadesola said and my ears rang.
"Hey spoilt rat. Who said you could call my wife names?" I hit her playfully on the thigh but she flinched there was so much fear in her eyes and she jumped up
I was quickly concerned. "Hey Jade what's up. Its just a joke I'll never hit you o, you're my baby forever."
She smiled brightly just like my Jade and it dissolved all my concerns away. "You know if we were in Yoruba land, your wife would have to call me aunty because she married into the family."
Jadesola said it with so much pride, I just shook my head at how incorrigible she was.
"Ahn ahn! Someone is taking their culture serious. Come on, I'll take you and girls out before I leave." I dragged her hand to pull her along when my mom cut me short.
"Tolulope! I'll be praying for you and your wife so that you both will he convictions about faith because I'm not too sure of your belief anymore."
"Mom!" I whined feeling the beginning of a tension headache.
"Wait let me finish!" Rolling her eyes sharply. "Next time I see you I want to see that girl and Tolu, with or without your wife's blessing she is family now."
My moms words felt like an ultimatum or a threat. Somehow I regretted telling her about my marital problems because she may Love Liz but she loved me and my future even more.
****
Hey guys its been a while right I know. I'm sorry been busy.
Marriage is a life journey and maybe if we prepared for it we wouldn't have to cut it short. So take that little step and begin to work on yourself not just for a partner but for your friends and those around yourself but most especially for you.
Begin to treat your future solidly. As you plan ahead, watch for the pitfalls. Hold your head high, fix your crown!
Fix your crown, heal your soul and rise again.
Love always
Orex