Now as we drove off, I looked through the rare view mirror, watching as the bright lights faded into the background. Quiet tears fell as I took one shaky breath, still unable to process what it was that I saw. Scared, even though I know it wasn't real. It can't be real if I don't remember it.
"Waverly." Chase places a hand on mine, "What was that?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the road, and I sigh.
"I...I still don't know." I tell him through my broken voice almost as if it was a squeak. His hand squeezed tighter as I let the tears fall.
I've had these before but every time, they are still so different. Wherever these memories bring me, it always felt real. Whether it was in a room or outside, I felt everything. The wind, the land, the touches; I felt them like it was yesterday. These things, if they keep happening then they will drive me insane. I've been trying my hardest to not think much of them but when it's affecting me like this, it gets a bit too much. Maybe it's time to ask my mother about it?
"What do you mean you don't know?" Chase questioned, a bit too harshly this time. I turn to him to see why but his eyes softened, realising what he sounded like.
"I'm sorry. It's just...that wasn't the first time and I let it slide then, not anymore. If you need help, baby, then you gotta tell me." He assured me, his tone softening, and he catches my eyes for a split second.
"Chase...I don't know what they are and I'm confused. These things...it's where I get hurt and they feel real and...and..." My voice breaks into a panic, "My mom...he hurt her. Her hurt me... I don't fucking know what it is! I don't remember." I finally let out, harshly and almost a cry for help. I was a mess and I'm now just watching my world crumble to dust.
It's like all I've ever known was just a figment of something. I don't know which is real anymore.
Chase drove faster, gripping the wheel tightly as his jaw clenched, anger building up in him as I tried to silence my sobs. He stays silent for a moment as we begin our approach to the dorms and when he parked, that's when he turned to me.
His eyes were ablaze with fury for something I have yet to know, and my breath gets caught.
"Waverly....who hurt you?" He said with a silent rage brewing in his tone as he gripped both my hands in his. I let out a shaky breath, looking around as if trying to find a way out. Saying it to him makes everything I've seen real. It will make whatever I felt real, and I hate that. I don't want it to be real.
"Hey, angel, look at me..." He said softly, tilting my chin to face him. "Please tell me..who hurt you." He asked me, his gaze never leaving mine.
Finally giving in, I mumble, "My dad."
His eyes widened for a moment before it was overtaken by rage and disbelief. I watched him for a moment as he faced forward, driving a hand up to his hair as he huffed. He seemed just as mad as I am or if anything, even more.
"He what?" He tried to comprehend, and I saw the rage only growing in him leading me to realise that whatever was going in his head wasn't good.
"Chase..." I warned as I desperately try to calm him down too. Deep down I knew that he was going to react a certain way, but I didn't know it would be this.
He stays silent, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as if he was deep in thought but I knew he listened. I wipe my tears and took a deep breath, eyeing the dorms and desperate for the fresh air outside. This is too much to dwell on.
"Where are you going?" Chase asked as I opened the door.
"I'm going to get my things, then maybe we can talk about this once we get back?"
I wanted to let it go for now because I know that once we get home, it would be different. There's something so bizarre about all of this and rightfully so. You don't just wake up one day remembering a life you didn't know you had. Things don't work like that.
I made my way to the building, hearing Chase's ragged footsteps closely follow me from behind.
"How did he hurt you?" He asked closely.
"Chase, not now please," I begged him as we entered going to the stares.
"Waverly, if he really did hurt you then...fuck...you need to tell someone, we can go to the po—"
"I don't know if he did ok? It some kind of nightmare or something I—" we stopped at my door, two frantic people in fancy clothes fighting over an abuse accusation. People will definitely not look.
"Look, I don't know what it is yet. Until I do, then I can't think of it like that, he's my dad." I argued with him even if I knew that everything he said made more sense than my denial.
He huffs in frustration, crossing his arms, and I breathe before opening my door to the dorm.
Looking at who was sat on my bed, I gasped taking a stumble back. My heart feels as if it just got ripped out of my chest as my breathing stopped.
"Grace..."
"Mom?" I almost shouted out. Fear and anger both fighting over my voice.
She stood there gloriously with her hands on her hips, her long blond hair expertly straightened that flowed loosely on her back. Her face is perfectly made up to match what she wore: a button-up blue shirt paired with skinny jeans and heels.
Despite being one of the sweetest souls I know, once my mother gets mad, it's the end.
She carried herself well, strong and confident especially after her divorce. She would cry for days but she wouldn't show that. People are scared of her sometimes by how much control she held for herself, how high her expectations are. Despite being nice, sweet and caring, like my grandmother, she is dynamite.
A frown bordering shock overwhelmed her features as her eyes landed behind me and my stomach churns.
Oh my god, this cannot be happening right now.
My head spins at the sight. My mother laid her eyes in us, Chase closely behind me wearing a tux and I was wearing a fancy dress. Lord knows what my mother is thinking right now. Her eyes landed on mine like an angry hawk and I tremble.
"Grace Parker...what is this?" She questioned in such a calm manner that her look terrified me. Her nagging voice sounds just as I remember and I don't know what to feel about it.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying hard to avoid the topic as I hear Chase take a step behind me. The air in the room thickened.
"Grace, you answer my question this instant." She pointed a finger, and it was evident that her anger is there. The more I dodge it the worse it gets and I wouldn't want to see that. The last time I saw her so mad was when my father left and this...this is as close as it gets.
"Mom, calm down."
"No." She pressed and I flinch. "Grace Waverly Parker, I've been trying to call you for the past weeks, trying to tell you I was coming for a visit and I thought something had happened to you. Instead, I find you coming home late at night from god knows where—with that." She gestured towards Chase and I instantly felt my blood boil.
She never strikes me as someone who would judge a boy like that. I know he has piercings and tattoos everywhere and she isn't used to that but she doesn't have to great him like an animal.
"Mom!" I scolded, to my surprise as much as it was to hers.
"You take your voice down, young lady, " she took a long stride towards me and I felt Chase grab my shoulder. "Is that what you learn here? Going out late at night with some...some punk and raise your voice to your own mother? Is that what you learnt?" She fumed, taking notice of Chase's very tatted hand and she huffs.
"Get your hands off of my daughter young man." My mother warned through gritted teeth but I didn't even feel Chase flinch.
"I'm sorry ma'am but you're shouting at her like a maniac." Chase hits back and my eyes widened in shock at his defence. My mother looked at him, taking offence and she nudges me to the side, coming face to face with him.
I hold my breath as I watch the two in a standoff, Chase not scared whatsoever by the deadly stare he was getting. He crossed his arms as my mother practically killed him with her look.
"You stay out of this. You will leave me and my daughter alone do you hear me?" She dug a finger to his chest, and I chewed on my cheek as I watched in fear that Chase would swing at her. His anger only heightened through his glare but he looks at me as if asking for permission.
Being alone with my mom like this when she's mad instead of happy to see me didn't seem like the best choice but the one I had to make. She wouldn't let him go even if I beg and it would only end up in more fire than we already have.
I nod to him and he takes a second guess looking back and forth between my mother and me before turning around and walking out the door, slamming it closed.
The air immediately shifts between my us as we now stood face to face with her raging eyes and my fearful gaze. She crosses her arms dominantly, taking her stance.
"So? You want to explain what the hell that was right?"
I stare at her, feeling as though I might faint.
"Mom...I—what are you doing here?"
"Grace come on." She shook her head in disappointment, "tell me what this is that I'm seeing. Don't try to turn the tables."
Her disappointment brings me back in time. I dwindle with my fingers like the weak little kid that I used to be, avoiding her painful gaze.
"Mom, I—he—he's—"
"Your boyfriend?" She scoffed, and I nodded. I've always felt awkward saying that out loud since we never really planned to do that in the first place.
"Where's your father? Does he know about this?" She crossed her arms, excessively tapping her foot in anxiousness and I nod, knowing full well that my father did know about this.
She stared at me in disbelief letting out a shaky breath from anger.
"So you lied to me? Or did you forget that I existed just because you're here now?
"No, of...of course not. I was gonna tell you—"
"When? When were you going to tell me? When he's finally had his way with you? Hell, he probably already have!"
My eyes widened at her yelling as I felt my blood boil.
"Excuse me? You—why would you think that?" I questioned looking at her, disgusted by her words.
Chase did not have his way with me. Sure we've..done things but he would never do something so disgusting like that.
"Grace I did not raise you to hook up with every other boy you see. I raised you all by myself to teach you that you're all you're ever gonna need. What? Does he give you what you need or does he just makes you feel all grown up in bed? Hm? "
"Mom! Enough! Chase isn't like that, in fact, he's probably done better things than you!"
I gasped at my own words and she only grew angrier.
"You don't know what you're talking about. He has clearly got through your head."
"No, he hasn't! I thought you, out of all people wouldn't act like this. I know you would've been mad either way but God mom, I'm an adult and you don't make choices for me anymore!" I yelled feeling the tears brimming my eyes.
She looked at me, appalled with eyes blazing with anger. It was then that I realized; I didn't know her the way I thought I did. Like those flashbacks and nightmares, I've seen...it all feels fake.
"You lied to me!" She gritted her teeth, taunting me and I laugh.
"Oh, did I? Or am I just as much of a liar as you are?"
Her eyes widened, fading into fear of my words and my heart drops. The assumption I made wasn't supposed to be real. She wasn't supposed to act like that.
"What do you mean?" She asked and my mind went hazy at the realization.
"Oh, my god....so it's...it's true isn't it?" I trembled feeling goosebumps on my body. She takes a step towards me, her anger still so powerful that I avoided her.
"I...I don't know what you're talking about." She deflected, crossing her arms again as fear grimaced her face, avoiding eye contact.
"No, no, no...you know exactly what I meant." I pointed a finger at her as warm tears spilt over.
Please, no, let it be not real. It can't be real.
"Mom, " I stepped towards her, fear taking over my body as the room spun. "Did...did dad hurt me?"
She snapped towards me, her lips are agape as tears now glistened over her eyes and I knew the answer.
My hand flies to my mouth, silencing the screams that threatened to come as I lean against a wall, desperate to keep myself upright. She still says nothing but the look beneath her anger tells me millions of words.
"Mom, answer me!" I yell not caring that I woke up other tenants or if we get called out. I didn't care if I looked like a mess or Chase waiting outside the door hearing my painful shouts. I did not care. I just want to know.
"You..." My mother choked, "you weren't supposed to remember." I trembled at her words as she tried to approach me but I raise my hands.
"Why, why and what was I not supposed to remember?" I said as anger boiled over.
"I can't tell you Grace, not when you are like this." She gestured up and down my body like I'm some pathetic girl, but I wasn't far.
"No, you tell me now! I deserve to know my life..." I hissed. "...is that why I didn't feel like myself? Why I was diagnosed with all those disorders? Why I was sick because I didn't know who I am...literally?" I seethed, and she turns to me, anger still dominating her.
"Fine, you wanna know who you are?" She threatened, pointing a finger, "Then you better leave that boy. Either you do that or risk knowing the truth. You said you make your own choices now right? Well, you better make this one." She seethed before picking up the keys that lie on my desk and walking away.
She took one last turn to look at me with both disgust and frustration raging in her eyes. "Like your father, he will hurt you. You can find me back home once you made your decision." She pointed to the door before hastily making her way out.
My eyes widened as I chased after her.
"Mom, wait!" I stumbled, hitting the door frame on my way out and I fell to the floor, weak as I watched my own mother walk away with pieces of my life.
Chase sees me from across the hall and ran to me, his eyes looking frenzied as he kneeled down beside me, holding me up. The sounds of my cries filled the silent halls as my mother disappeared. I feel as though she had just taken something away from me, something I didn't even know I had.
"Baby, come on, let's go." He said, picking me up to my feet where I could barely stand on.
I looked at him and sobbed at the sight knowing I had to make a choice with him in the line.
And by the looks of it, he knew it too.