"Some days its okay to just breathe, No pressure"
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This chapter is for the amazing beautifulimperfect1 chop kizez
Liz
I was angry. Even though I knew deep down that I had no rights to be, yet I was livid.
I hated the way he was smiling at me, like a cat. Like he knew me or had me in a corner. He was too comfortable around me and he had to be on his toes. I kept people around their toes with me not the other way round.
I sat behind my brown Mahogany desk. My office space was neat and well organised.
A tiny plant was on the table beside my laptop with a white sand glass flipped upside down that I usually turned around during my counselling sessions. My office was mostly bare except for comfortable chairs
He looked around first taking in my space,
"Not interested in counselling you. If this is about last night well I was drunk and I can't remember the details of it" rolling my eyes at him, I got up also to busy myself with the files on my desk, this gave me a chore to do and prevented me from looking at his eyes.
I could feel his gaze though, it felt like they were boring holes into my body and it made me feel strangely warm.
"Is that all you have to say to me?" He asked instead.
A long silence ensued. Was it four seconds after, Or four minutes? I have no idea. Sometimes you stare at someone and you get lost.
"Like what you see?" He asked again. He actually liked making me uncomfortable, I could see it in his eyes he was enjoying my discomfort.
This time around I smiled, one thing about being a therapist was I knew how most people thoughts processes worked.
The kiss bothered him.
"We have history, I can't counsel you its against board rules I could loose my license for that" whispering lowly so no one could hear.
"I thought you said you couldn't remember" smirking evilly.
Its official! Cute eyes or not, I disliked him.
"Sitting and talking at a bar for a while then refusing to have sex with you, after which you kissed me and ran away isn't history," rolling his blue orbs at me.
Arrogant idiot.
"You shouldn't even be talking to your supposed therapist like that. Does this give you joy? Are you enjoying making me uncomfortable? "
He smiled again, the type that was mocking me and almost immediately his usual expressive eyes were blank.
How the hell, did he just go blank.
Soldiers must be thought to protect their thought patterns I guess. His instant recoil made me know my last question was answered, instead I asked "How did you end up here, where I work at?"
"Actually I searched for you online and hacked some databases to find you." Sinking deeper into the couch and covering his eyes with his arms.
He looked tired though almost like he didn't sleep a wink last night, if I wasn't so busy hating him I would have noticed that earlier. Instinctively I drew the shades, knowing the light hurt his eyes or worsened a tension headache cause he looked so pale and winced with pain intermittently.
"If your head hurts you should see a doctor. You don't think, searching me out and admitting to cyber stalking me is weird?" This time around I parked my bum at the edge of the table staring at him.
"Why are you here Tolulope?" I asked again.
"For a counselling session. I like the way you call my name; your British accent and all" shrugging his shoulder like the answer was obvious.
"You are in the army right? They should have their own in-house counsel for security reasons. Even if want to help you which I don't, I can't."
He folded his hands on his chest and studied me, something he seems to enjoy doing. I reached out to tuck a piece of curl behind my ear something I did whenever I felt nervous. A part of me felt alive, felt intrigued.
Like what you see?
"Why did you run away last night?"
"Because I was drunk and I did something foolish which I regretted immediately." Moving farther away from him,"Also I am sorry, it was wrong of me to touch you without your permission and it has to be taken seriously for both sexes."
"Hmn" a deep grutal sound was his reply. Gathering his coat in his arm he walked to the door.
"Wait! Is that all you're going to say?" I shouted as he turned the door knob.
He was just going to leave after giving me an hmmmn answer?
"What else is there to say Elizabeth? You should have appointments from 9:am."
"How do you know that? You really hacked me? Are you insane?" I shouted in anger.
My patients record and scheduling was private, he could have my license revoked for this.
"Well I've been trying to tell you since morning that I'm not sane. Do you know that when you get angry a fire lit up in your eyes, like you can take on anything in your path"
"I can have you arrested right now. Is this a joke to you? Do you know what privacy means, the fact that even if you can access it due to your skills doesn't mean you should. I am sorry for kissing you but checking me out to know my routines and details is creepy" I shouted.
"I am sorry." bowing his head slightly.
I breathed in to calm myself down knowing I just let my trigger off on him. I'll write you a reference letter to see someone really good"
"I want you." Three simple words with puppy eyes, which was supposed to have a different one than the ones my mind was conjuring. He was standing with his back to the door.
He wants you!
Jeez shut up. It isn't even that kind of want.
You should tell him to go, you should tell him to go! Tell him to go.
All my mind chants couldn't stop me from saying "Fine, sit let's talk." Who could say no to those blue and grey puppy eyes anyway.
He smiled so brightly, suddenly I was forgetting all the reasons this was a bad idea. The first rule they drummed into us in college was never get emotionally attached to your patients.
Clearing my throat loudly "I will be setting ground rules"
"I love to break rules," tugging his lower lips into his teeth.
"You will see a psychologist of my choice, this cannot be official. You will have a full body workup all of it from; physical to mental. Lastly, events of that night at the bar will never be mentioned in our fake sessions. The main rule of therapy is to not get emotionally attached hence we will meet during lunch hours every 3days. No calls or texts, no stalking or hacking, no lies. Agreed?"
Staring at him while he deliberated, I knew I was playing with fire, but I wanted to see him again also.
We kissed last night. How can I still delude myself that this will be official?
"All except the no calls or texts rule. You are not my therapist seeing that I will be having an official one, You are my friend and I also cannot tell you all details due to the nature of my work and I don't live here I'm only visiting meaning whatever we say has to be virtual." Jason walked back in and sat on the chair opposite me.
Even better if I don't see him face to face chances of my brain shutting down will never happen again.
"Deal" stretching out my hands to shake his.
On contact I dropped my hands quickly as I felt the zap again, just like that night at the bar a strong uncoiling feeling at the pit of my belly bloomed when we made contact. We stared at each other, stuck in that world for a while until a sharp knock rapped on the door breaking us apart.
Professional touch indeed.
"Bye Elizabeth" walking out the same way he came.
God! I was playing with fire, I hope this doesn't burn me. Mentally praying while inviting the person on the other side in.
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No POV
Elizabeth was a creature of habit, almost to the point that she sometimes thought she had, Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) everything had to be in order always. She liked cleanliness and like to organise her life to the very last detail.
Coffee 110 degrees pure black no addition. Alarm rang at 5am every morning. Each routine was more like a ritual day in day out. Until this very morning when her phone ringed at 12:00am and the daily disruption in her life started.
Hissing out a strangulated "hello" while pulling her blinds off and switching on the bedside lamp, this was the beginning of their therapy sessions.
"Sleeping beauty" he croaked lying on his back staring at the open skies in front of him. His flight landed an hour ago and he just got home.
Jason knew stopping to see her at the clinic today was opening a can of worms. They went for Brad's burial in San Francisco, which was why he was in his ceremonial uniform.
He woke the morning after and he found himself wishing for the brunette that made him laugh without meaning to whose kiss set him on fire. Suddenly he was booking an evening flight and refusing to leave with the gang.
"You again!" She exclaimed. He could imagine her rolling her eyes at him and her forehead taking a pucker shaped frown.
"Do you even know the time?" Asking again. The ruffle of sheets could be heard in the background and soft feet steps could be heard in the silence that followed.
"I'm sorry for waking you up. Want to switch to video call?" He asked hoping to see the glimpse of the fury she could barely contain in her speech.
"Really? What makes you think I want to show you my night wear and cleavage?" hissing loudly.
Jason laughed loudly and wondered how she made him laugh without meaning to. "I'm sorry for calling you so late at night, but I wanted the kind of solace your presence gives me
"The girl you barely know that threw her self at you at a bar last night and have met twice is already your solace. Ain't that amazing?" Liz drawled the last statement making sure the sarcasm was evident. She honestly felt like slapping him, couldn't he wait till in the morning to call.
"Do you know you are going to be my wife?" A smile tugged at his lips as he spoke on a lighter note.
"Dude we just met!" Liz screamed and tugged at the strands of her hair irritated "Is this why you called me?"
"Shortsighted much?"
"Deluded much?" Liz responded. A smile stretched her lips, he had a weird sense of humor she liked.
"You need to get your head checked bro" she added.
"I am not your bro in Jesus name. Plus, that's why I need you in my life to check my head and sanity."
Throwing back her head now she laughed loudly "Dramatic much? We are all brothers and sister in the lord." Deliberately ignoring the last statement.
"I like your laugh," Jason said. A serious expression replacing the carefree one he had moments ago.
"Is this why you called?"
"No. I wanted to say, thank you. We got cut short earlier in the day and I couldn't. Also I got deployed out and I wanted to ask if we could do our sessions online via chats for a while"
"I don't think this is a good idea." Liz replied. Already he was disrupting her already planned schedule.
"Please." He begged even making a whiny voice that sounded ridiculous.
"Alright fine, goodnight." Liz ended the call immediately, before he said something else.
Her phone pinged with a text after the call ended l.
You should laugh more often.
Do you think we ever fully heal? Sometimes I think our grief only transcends, become more fully rooted and plays with our sanity at times it deems fit.
Liz stared at the message for a while wondering why he asked something so deep and how he could be so carefree at the same time.
Taking a leap of faith she dialed his number wanting to hear his voice again and starting their counselling sessions.
"Tell me why do you think so?" She asked immediately he picked.
"Someday, I will."
"I think time is a paradox that should never be taken out of healing. All seasons end both good and bad. In time our pain gets stronger or get lost. Healing can take conscious efforts sometimes if only you are ready to."
"Are you ready to heal?" He asked slowly.
The beep tone that signalled the end of the call was his answer.
The question had felt so direct and personal. The thump of Liz's heart behind her ribcage was sharper than usual as she ruminated his question.
Was she ready to heal?
Two meetings and he was stripping her bare of layers already. Was she the therapist in their sessions or he was.
Liz wasn't so sure anymore.
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Okrrrrrrrrhhh pipu!! Let's talk
Healing is a conscious effort! It won't matter the potency of the drugs if you wont take it.
All seasons end whether good or bad. I know at first it feels like you will drown especially with abuse but everything mental and psychological is a journey.
Please help me spread this book out there na please
Love
Orex