I cling to Sawyers neck so I won't fall as he carries me, and I kiss him back with the same eagerness. My legs stay wrapped around him as he lies me gently down. He hovers over me staring at me before leaning in to softly kiss me. The moment his body comes into contact with mine my stomach flutters.
It's weird to think that this moment is happening and I'm happy it is. Moments like these are too good to be true. I know it won't last and once we wake up tomorrow Sawyer will continue to ignore my presence, as if I really don't exist. He fixes me beneath him and he chuckles at my awkwardness.
He continues to stare at me and part of my brain comes back to life and I feel myself getting nervous. My mind is now racing and I don't know how far Sawyer is going to take this. I don't want to do something I regret or something stupid.
Sawyer notices my grimacing face and how uncomfortable I'm feeling.
He tilts his head to the side like a confused puppy and raises an eyebrow, "Whats wrong?" He questions. He brings his hand up to move the small curls of hair out of my face, before his fingers softly trace over my eyes and they travel down under my chin. Immediately my eyes shut, taking in Sawyers gentle touch.
I shake my head unable to speak. I am not about to confess this is my first time.
"I'm scared..." I whisper.
Sawyer leans into the crook of my neck, "Why?" He whispers, his hot breath warming me, as he plants small kisses.
I don't answer his question, instead I press both my hands against his chest softly, this time he instinctively closes his eyes. My fingers are now tracing the arches of his chest and I trace each tattoo he has down to his stomach. I admire the abstract shapes all along side his ribs and his eyes flutter at my touch.
"You're so beautiful." Sawyer smiles, I feel my cheeks flush.
How can he look so calm? His face says calm but the way his chest is rapidly moving up and down tells me otherwise. I feel his heart beating under my palms.
Knowing that he's just as nervous brings this overwhelming feeling I can't control and I slowly bring my hand down and trace my fingers along the waistband of his boxers.
Sawyer shoots his eyes open and he seems nervous. I've never seen Sawyer nervous, he's always so composed and confident.
For a moment the nervousness remains but as I give him a quizzical look he smiles, mischievously. He slowly moves his hand behind my back and unhooks my bra.
He quickly unbuttons his pants and sensually lowers mine all while showering my stomach with small kisses. I try closing my eyes and relaxing but I'm just screaming first timer.
"You're overthinking." Sawyer says and I nod. I know I am. "It's okay." He smiles into our kiss. His words somehow make my fears disappear and all my thoughts that were trying to stop me from doing this with him are now gone.
I don't have time to think about anything when I feel Sawyer, really feel him. It's a foreign, and unpleasant feeling. It hurts.
"Is it okay?" Sawyer questions. I keep my eyes closed and move my hips a little as I try to reduce the pain and pressure.
I can't bring myself to say anything and just nod, my eyes remain closed.
"You sure?" He whispers.
"Mhm." I tell him and move again. He moans from my small movements and he apologizes giving me time to adjust to this new feeling. The more I move the less discomfort I feel. Sawyer wraps his arms around my back, he pulls me in close as he moves to meet my hips. The feeling is much better, him holding me as he slowly makes love to me.
I feel myself getting closer to the edge as my breathing quickens.
"Shit, I'm close." He groans and he moves his hands all along my back and I speed up my movements. I feel my stomach tightening Sawyer continues to whisper a few dirty things into my ear. And he finally encourages me to let go. Our moans become one as our bodies are intertwined. His fingers lace with mine and just being held like this is such a sweet intimate gesture that it makes me weak.
I grip onto his arm to keep myself from falling off the bed as I let myself go under his intense touch. Sawyer falls back, pulling me with him. I let myself fall into his chest. He wraps his arms around me as I try to catch my breath.
We lie there in silence, and stare up at the ceiling.
"What are you thinking?" Sawyer finally speaks and it holds me out of my thoughts.
"I can't believe I did this." I try not to sound too excited, but my inner voice is more negative.
'I can't believe you did this' my inner self says in such a dreadful and regretful tone.
"I can't believe I did this." I repeat again, this time with more enthusiasm.
'If your mom finds out, you're dead.' My inner voice tries to reason with me.
"My mom is going to kill me." I say out loud.
Sawyer stares at me as I have my inner self debate.
"What did I do? I am a horrible person." I turn to Sawyer and he chuckles. His smile fades as soon as he sees that I'm crying.
"I know you're a little at war with yourself..." he says and I turn to him,
"What?" I question, still in my negative thoughts.
"I know you have an overprotective mother. But let me soothe your conscience, this is all part of growing up." Sawyer shrugs. "You need rebellion, you need adventure. It's part of growing up. Live a little."
"You sure?" I question as I hiccup out a tear.
"You're growing. It's natural." He pulls me in and kisses me one last time. I sigh in relief as I try to see the positive in this. I just cried in front of Sawyer after sex, how embarrassing. Tears still spill out,
"What are you so afraid of?" His voice is soft, I can barely hear him.
"You're going to hurt me." I finally confess and he hovers over me and shakes his head. He cups my face with one hand and softly rubs his finger. He leans into me, his lips brush mine and in a whisper,
"I'm not going to hurt you, ever." He smiles, trying to reassure me. He lies down again. I close my eyes as I trace circles all along his chest.
Don't get me wrong it was amazing but there's this little part of me that's not letting me enjoy this experience.
I wake up with a stir and remember that I'm in Sawyers bed, naked. I slowly move out of Sawyers hold and try to find my clothes. The side table lamp is on and I'm able to find everything I need. Sawyer shutters slightly and I freeze, he turns without waking up. I slowly change into my clothes and accidentally bump into his dresser. A book falls to the floor and I freeze once more. When Sawyer doesn't seem like he's waking up anytime soon I carefully pick up the book.
I notice it isn't a book but an album of pictures. Polaroid pictures.
I see a few of him and his family but I stop at a recent one of a him and a girl. On the bottom of the picture it says "Italy 2005" and I know that it's Sawyers handwriting probably from his vacation. My eyes widen with how many pictures he has with this girl. Her long black hair and her beautiful hazel eyes, they're both looking at the camera mischievously.
She looks like they're the same age. Could be one of his students? Or professor friends? Her bright smile and radiant beauty make my heart clench.
I painfully turn to Sawyer sleeping a few feet away, who is she to you?
Why did I have to drop this? I shouldn't have looked though this, now my mind is racing with millions of questions and answers I'm afraid to know. No man keeps a picture of a woman if she didn't mean anything to him.
I can feel the ghost of his contact of his lips and hands on my skin as if I were still in his arms and my fingers tingle.
Why get me to sleep with him, if he's in love with someone else? Sawyer is a private person, and I'm surprised he told me about the time traveling watch, but that was by accident.
When I'm done getting dressed I quietly exit his room.
On my way out I bump into Jethro and I squeak out loud. I quickly shut my mouth with my hand.
He stands there and evilly smiles catching me walking out of Sawyers room.
"Naught naughty girl. Have you been fooling around with Sawyer?" He states more than questions.
My heart starts to pick up as I try not to panic.
"I needed sleeping pills, so I wanted to ask Sawyer but he's asleep." I quickly lie. He narrows his eyes at me and continues to smile, and I know he doesn't believe me.
He likes messing with those who are vulnerable and here I am, vulnerable.
"You seem tense. I'll know what you're up to eventually." He tilts his head to the side, just like Sawyer but with a more piercing stare.
"Well, goodnight." I try to maneuver around him but he stops me.
"A piece of advice. Sawyer will never love another. I don't know why he has you here and why you're sticking along. Maybe you want his money, but I'll get down to what this is all about." Jethro angrily says and my eyes widen.
"What about you? They seemed surprised when you just randomly showed up." I counter.
He leans away from me and immediately snaps back. "Curiosity is a nasty flaw. Go to bed before you dig yourself a deeper hole."
"So you do have an ulterior motive? Money is always a motive." I turn the argument and pin it on him.
"I don't have to answer to those who fool around with my cousin." He bites and he saunters away, leaving me alone in the hallway.
I don't know what that was about, but now he sees me as a threat.
The next morning I wake up overly tired and overly slept in. I take a quick shower and remember all that took place last night.
My cheeks flush red from the thought. I rush downstairs and I notice everyone is downstairs putting things away and cleaning. All played are empty except mine. I don't bother to greet anyone since they're all busy. Jospeh is the only one who catches me finally sitting down to eat. Cold eggs and hash brown.
Jethro who is sitting a few chairs away from me give me a mocking and enigmatic smiles. I quickly look down trying to avoid his gaze.
Another person I'm trying to avoid is Sawyer. But it's hard when your eyes like to wander, especially to someone who can look effortlessly handsome so early in the morning. He's leaning against the kitchen counter sipping his coffee without a glance in my direction. His curls perfectly swept to the side, he's shirtless and his joggers are handing dangerously low. It's almost as if he were teasing.
It seems like he's trying to put all his effort into not looking at me and it seems way more suspicious than if he just randomly glances my way.
"You look beautiful this morning." Jospeh compliments and I smile.
"Thank you." My stomach can't help but flutter.
"No problem." Jospeh grabs my hand, bows down and kisses it. I laugh at his crazy gesture. My cheeks flush pink when he winks at me.
I finish my not so warm food and wander around the house. It's so large I haven't finished exploring it.
"How are you feeling?" I hear Sawyer behind me and I quickly turn around to him, startled. We're in a long narrow hallway, sunlight beaming through the glass walls.
"I'm not angry anymore." I smile as I play with the skin on my fingers.
"How did you sleep?" I ask to fill in the silence. He shrugs as he puts his hands into his pocket.
"You left." He sounds almost disappointed.
"Sorry?" I say and he laughs.
"Let me tell you something," He says and I nod not knowing where he's going with this. "Jospeh, he's never stingy with compliments, don't take them too serious."
I nod not knowing what to do with that situation.
"I know it may be hard for you, but we need to try keeping focus on finding you a cure." He says sternly. How charming, so focused he decides to sleep with me. I hold back the urge to roll my eyes.
He suddenly reaches for my face, the back of his knuckle softly caressing my cheek. He then moves to the bulge of my lips with his thumbs. The pit of my stomach sinks at his touch. It's almost like he's jealous?
Two can play at this game.
"The walls look bare. Is it okay if I hang pictures up?" I question. He steps back to look and admire the white wall.
"I don't know if I trust you to make holes in my wall." I teases.
"Please? I can start with the..." I hold my tongue I really want to say the album in his room but something stops me.
"With what?" He questions.
"Nothing." I shake my head and he studies me and I feel like he somehow knows what I was going to say.
"Neutral colors only. Soft orange or soft tan or brown." He says referring to the color of the picture frames.
At least shopping can get my mind off all the emotions and confusion I'm feeling.
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Hey everyone!
I'm so scared for this chapter🙃
I wrote a little intimate scene it's not graphic or detailed I'm sorry. But I tried my best and I hope you like it. It's also my first ever time writing something like this so go easy on me 😂
Ps. I'm so sorry if it's cringe
Love you guys! 🧡🤎🧡🤎