My dad is there, standing with both hands on his hips, nostrils flared and a blazing gaze on the boy behind me. On the other side of the room was Julia with a horrified look on her face.
Why is he here? The last thing I want is him finding out about Chase and me—it whatever this is. I know he told me to stay away but I don't think that's what he's here for, not only for that at least. I can tell he's been waiting.
"Dad?" I furrowed my brows at him, not knowing why he's here.
"So this is what you do now? Hanging out with boys like...that?" He menacingly pointed out Chase and I frown at him. What the hell?
"First of all, you're the one who came here unannounced and second, Chase and I were..." I trailed off, trying to find the strength in me to argue with him. I feel Chase tense up behind me, and I knew he didn't like the way my dad spoke about him.
"...breakfast. How was the breakfast guys?" Julia cuts in, a clearly promising lie and I held a breath.
"Yeah, " I say to my father, but I knew I made it sound like the lie it is.
"You and you, " he angrily pointed a finger at Julia and Chase, "Out!" He yelled and I flinch. It's been a while since I've seen him this mad.
"No, " Chase argued sounding like he couldn't really care less and I turn to him as if asking what he was doing but he only shrugs.
"Mr Michaels, get out!" My dad yelled one more time, and I watched as Chase tried to take a step forward, but I stop him. I can see that he was getting just as angry as my dad, and I don't think it would end well like that. This is all happening too fast for me. Just minutes ago I was with Chase laughing and smiling and now we're here in what seems like a battlefield.
I looked at Chase, who was questioning me and my actions, but I shook my head. "Just go, " I pleaded, but he only frowns.
"With this asshole screaming at you?" He snarled, and I flinched at his words.
"Excuse me? I'm your professor." My dad remarked, and I feel my heartbeat out of my chest as I try to keep these two guys calm. This cannot be happening.
"Probably why your daughter hates you so much, " Chase spat and my eyes widened. I know he's trying to help, but he's just digging a bigger hole for him and me.
"Chase, please. I'll be fine, " I pleaded one more time, this time harsher to get my point across. He clenched his fists until they were pale, but only glared at my dad one last time before walking out to where Julia was already waiting.
Soon as the door clicked shut, I knew I was in it. My heart went a million miles and my hands trembled behind me as I kept them out of sight. It's been a while since I've seen my father this angry, and I've forgotten how monstrous he gets.
He looks at me with disappointment and anger as he paced around, trying to calm himself down—I hope.
"So I get you to college, and you go hook up with some guy?" He barked disgustedly and my breathing stopped.
"What? No! What the hell?" I let out and he looked at me like I was being stupid.
"Well, if that's not the case, then how do you plan on explaining those bruises on your neck?"
My head spun as I gasped, instinctively bringing my hand to cover my neck. Oh, my God.
"How dare you take this opportunity for granted, Grace?" He said and I find myself speechless. I can't believe this is happening. I'm not thinking straight, I haven't been thinking straight, but that doesn't make him the right one, not completely at least.
"Well, you're the one who's treating me like a sick puppy," I let out rather loudly recalling the facts I've heard from his family. The memories filled my already troubled train and my blood boils.
He lets out a frustrated laugh, "That's because you were! No one goes to the doctors if they aren't sick, Grace." He yelled, but I didn't flinch this time. His words hit me like a bullet to the chest. They were blunt and insensitive that I couldn't believe I'm talking to a professor. He admits it, he admits in thinking I'm just some damaged patient who needs doctors to not be sick.
"You never changed, " I hissed, feeling tears prick my eyes, blurring my views of him.
"And you're not any better young lady. What? Did he take you to bed? Was he the medicine you needed, huh? Has he finally—"
"Enough!" I yell, putting my hand up at him to stop. My lip quivered as his eyes bulged out in anger, his lips on a thin line. I can't believe this is all coming out of his mouth. My father.
"I've been here for hours, and I find a guy's hoodie here? And a freezing bed. What was I supposed to think? Heaven knows I thought someone took you."
My breathing is going faster and faster and my heart was beating at an unusual rate with my hands shaking. I know where this is going but I just gotta hold on, just enough for him to leave.
"Don't pretend you care when you had no conscience when it came to leaving me and mom with no home, money or even a job. You ruined her life! Our life! Did you know the pain she had to go through? She was shamed and thrown to the ground, but she tried. God knows she tried to raise me better, without you, with no man. You left me fatherless, alone and cold. I did not have a father ever since you drank that first bottle. You were never my father and now you're acting like one, you are a sick, SICK monster. I'm not the sick one." By the time I finished, I was out of breath and tears spilling out of my eyes but I find no sympathy in my father's deathly gaze.
"Your mother, " he laughed evilly, "Oh, let's see what she thinks when she finds out." I grit my teeth as I trembled in anger, but I know he was right.
He took one big stride towards me, pointing a taunting finger, "If you don't leave him by tomorrow, I guess you'll find out what your dear mother thinks." He threatened, and I had the urge to slap him before it hit him but I held back.
"As if she would believe you, " I seethed.
"We'll find out, " he said, giving me one last look as though I was some slut and it sickened him before finding his way to the door behind me.
"I'm disappointed in you, Julia." I hear my father remarked, his footsteps fading along as I stood there dazed and head-spinning as sobs left me. After all this time, it's sickening to see that he hasn't changed one bit.
"Are you ok?" Julia's concern flooded the room and I sob louder as she wraps her arm around me trying to calm me down.
I look over to Chase who was leaning on the door frame with his hands crossed and an ominous look on his face. I looked at him expecting for him to say something, maybe even comfort me, but I know better. He watches me too as I try not to cry, even more, he clenched his jaw with an emotion I couldn't read in his eyes.
"Are you gonna listen to what he said?" He questioned, his voice the same dark one I hated, and I frown at him. I know what he meant.
"Are you seriously asking her that? Couldn't you respect her even once?" Julia defended. But I pull away from her, sniffling.
"I wasn't talking to you," Chase grumbled as he looked back to me. I take one long, shaky breath. I don't even know what to do or how to answer him. As much as it pains me if my mother finds out that I'm hanging out with a boy like Chase, she would be angry and disappointed and I don't want that.
"Answer me, Waverly, " he raised, and I trembled. Can't anyone speak lightly these days?
I look at him with my vision blurred by my tears and I feel Julia squeeze my hand in comfort but the more I look into Chase's eyes the smaller I feel, the more fearful I am. There's something about his gaze that threatens me.
"I...I don't know, " I tell him as my voice quivered. He scoffs and ran his hand through his hair.
"What the fuck do you mean you don't know?"
I gape at him, "Chase, it's my mother we're talking about here." I tell him, almost pleading him to just leave it alone. I know what he's mad about, and it should relief me he hates the thought of me staying away, but right now, I don't know how to feel. It's all going down way too fast.
He glares at me, "Well, I guess that was the last time we are ever gonna hang out."
My face drops and I feel the colour from my face drain. Julia takes a sharp breath and I feel her gaze on me. Hang out?
"What? After what happened, that's all you think it was?" I breathed, feeling my feet weakening. His face drops for a moment, but I caught it, the scowl returning.
He chuckled, "You can't possibly think it was a date?"
Each word coming out of his mouth is shattering the last bit of energy I have and I stepped back, far from him, but he only watched, emotionless. I wouldn't think it was a date but, it was something more. It has to have been. He said all those words last night.
I trembled, "No, no, no, you told me....you said all those things last night, you said, " each word was as hard to say as the other, he's saying all these things now, after what he had told me, what he showed me.
He scoffed, "And you honestly believed that? You were only fun for the hell of it, anyway."
"Chase! What the fuck!?" Julia yelled and I feel my heart shatter. This cannot be happening right now.
I'm looking into Chase's eyes, hoping to see some bit of hope, sympathy or regret. Maybe he just said all those things out of anger, he didn't mean it. He can't. But his eyes showed nothing, they were blank and emotionless. He looked away from me and I feel farther from him. It was all a trick?
I close my eyes, trying to comprehend everything, trying to make sense of it all as the sobs rip through me, each one painful as the other.
"Hope you learned your lesson, " he spat and with that, he slams the door shut, leaving me appalled and frozen. I want to run after him, yell at him, hit him, but I can't. I feel small and weak and used, but I let him do that. Letting him get his way was a sin I was aware of, but I let it happen, why? Because I'm stupid and desperate and naïve.
"Oh my god, Grace..." Julia says as she wrapped me around her arms once again, this time tighter and I feel myself shatter right there. I start to hyperventilate through my sobs and Julia tried her best to rub my back to calm me down. She leads me to my bed and there, I cry aloud, everything finally falling into reality. It's like I've woken from something beautifully hypnotic.
I was looking through rose-coloured glasses; I wasn't thinking straight and if I ever was, then I did a bad job of listening to me.
My dad, he had his life together and made a better man and I wanted to accept that. I believe he was better and would finally be the father I wanted better yet the one I deserved but no; he sees his own daughter as some disabled little girl who needs treatment for something he had caused. He was insensitive and a liar. He's the same man my mother lived with, only this time he has cars, suits and a sizeable house. A better life than he could've ever given me and my mom.
Chase, he warned me. He told me to stay away, but I was the blind one to see. I warned myself about him and so have many others. Everyone told me to stay away, but I didn't because I just drink him up every time. He started acting the way he knew I would gravitate towards him and he used it like perfect ammunition, straight to the heart. Just as he had snapped his fingers he wrapped me in, I broke and I let him. I could've stopped, but I didn't because I was just that naïve.
I feel so stupid and disappointed with how I let it all go so far.
"You poor thing, you didn't deserve any of that." Julia comforted as I feel my breathing slow down but through my sobs were yet to be silenced. I looked at her as she held my hand.
"I was so fucking stupid, " I let out and I see her gaze fall. I know she thinks I'm right. Anyone would've known.
"Do you wanna tell me anything?"
I nod and told her everything. Everything. Vaguely from the kisses and other intimate things to my father telling my sisters I'm sick. I knew that if I kept it all for myself, I would've gone insane. This was worth reliving every memory of the rough weeks I've had.
When I started ranting about how Chase has been acting all nice and how I met his sister, I sobbed again. She would tell me comforting things each time I did, and I would give her a thankful smile. It's nice knowing that at this moment, right here, I had someone who would listen. Who knows what I would've done if I was all alone?
"Wow, " she said, "I knew something was going on, but I didn't think it was all that serious, " she continued looking at me sympathetically.
"I know. How did I let it all happen?" I asked myself.
"Because he blinded you with light. He took advantage of your innocence because he is sick."
"But I can't blame him. I let him use me." I mumbled, feeling another lump forming in my throat.
"Grace, you can't blame everything on you. It will only make the pain worse. Maybe, for now, it would help if you think of it as the wake-up call you needed. You can finally stay away from him with a perfect reason." Julia tells me and I know she's right. Sure, I am partly to blame, but I shouldn't keep beating myself over it unless I wanna go down that dark path again. For now, I'm just gonna have to keep my chin up and pretend nothing ever happened, as Chase did.
Broken is an understatement for describing how I feel right now. It's almost sad that I saw Chase as someone who can help me, someone I needed. In fact, it is very sad. I'm weak and damaged.
But was I ever fixed in the first place?