I'm dating Kevin.
He is mine.
I'm happy.
Period.
"Don't tell me you're cooking or rather on your way to burning my place down" I feel him before I hear him.
I'm in his kitchen trying to cook us some breakfast. I am no way a chef or good like in cooking but for him, I want to try. I want to show him that I can take care of him as well. Now that we are dating, I don't want him to get sick of my burdens and leave me.
Funny. That's what I wanted a night ago but do I honestly wanted that?
"Don't be mean, Kevin" I peck him on the lips, because why not, I can do it whenever I want to, so kiss his smiling lips one more time before turning back to make us an egg sandwich.
"You're happy," An observation.
"I am"
"I wonder why?"
Should I tell him? Would he think I am desperate?
"We got one week off the college"
It's true, so technically speaking I'm not lying.
He stands beside the egg batter I am working on, facing me.
"I know you and one week off is not making you this happy. I believe you are not visiting your family"
I look up at his morning face which is equally as beautiful as the last night and keep the eggs on the island when they don't break as easily as it was shown in the video.
"You got me. But I still have somewhere to go"
I try once again to break it and everything gets mixed up in one go.
It's a complete mess. How am I supposed to separate the shell from the yolk?
"Where?"
"To meet my doctor in Italy. I haven't visited for months"
"Doctor? Oh! Yeah, I saw you taking pills in the morning"
"That was the morning after pill, Kevin, because you tend to forget using protection"
He smiles sheepishly.
"About that? You took me by surprise both the time. I know it's irresponsible of me but when I am with you everything else just blurs "
I stand on my tiptoes to kiss his adorable nose.
"That makes the two of us. Now show me how to break this mother-fuckin' egg"
I grind my teeth exasperated when I fail again.
"How about you sit and let me handle this? What are you making by the way?"
I step back to give him the room for cooking.
"Egg sandwich"
"I can make it"
"Ok, I'll instruct you and you'll follow. How's that?" I want to do this together.
"We can work as a team and in that way, it will be more fun"
He looks me over his shoulder and breaks the egg in one try. The yolk in a bowl and shell in another. Perfection.
"We are a team"
His smile flatters a little.
"We can be a team"
I sit on the countertop, in this way I can watch him from close and instruct him as well.
"So you're going to Italy in the break?" He asks while breaking the egg like a pro.
"Wow! You're amazing in this. Can you break one more? It's oddly satisfying and yes to your question"
"How many?"
"3 more but in 2 separate bowls. 2 eggs in each"
"Why? We can do it with one bowl"
"But the chef in the video used 2 bowls. So we are using 2 bowls"
I'm not changing one single step.
"You watched a cooking video?"
His chuckle makes this morning beautiful than before. I take the hem of his t-shirt and twist it between my fingers.
"I wanted to take care of you" I answer honestly.
He leans his forehead on mine and boops my nose with his.
"You take care of me the way I can't" Pulling back, he frowns playfully, "I kind of like you unburnt"
I swat his back and laugh because I know he is right. I'll probably harm myself or burn his kitchen.
"I'd like myself unburnt too"
"See, we are finally agreeing on something. We will make a perfect team"
I don't know why he is using can and will when we are a team.
"Where are you going in this break? Because you just met your family last week"
I try to divert myself from something which is simple and I am trying to complicate it.
"Nowhere. What next?"
"Spread the batter on the pan and dip two slices of bread. So you'll be here? Alone?"
"Yeah but it's fine with me. I don't want to travel anywhere without you"
I hop down from the countertop and hug him from behind. God! His body. Hard and muscular but warm, so warm that all I want to do is keep hugging him.
"Well in that case, why don't you come with me to Italy?"
Dr. Phil has been asking to meet Kevin, the guy who has worked his 'magic' on him.
"Are you sure?"
"Damn sure! Now flip it and spread some grated cheese on top"
He does so.
"I won't be hindering your meeting with the doctor?" He asks holding my hand that is on his stomach.
"Rubbish! She specifically asked me to bring you with him. I told her about the first time we sleep together and I didn't have any nightmares also since we have started sleeping together"
I speak but my eyes train on cheese that is slightly melting now.
"Fold from four sides"
"She?" He asks sounding way too surprised.
"Yeah, Dr. Savija Phil"
His entire body freezes for a second before relaxing.
"She is a woman and you're okay with her?"
I pull back my arms slightly hurt but not from his words. I just happened to remember my reality of how messed up I am.
"She is my psychologist and I know her for long enough. She helps me, at least she tries to"
He flips and folds the omelet in the sandwich before turning off the stove and pulling me to him.
"I didn't mean to offend you. I just wanted to know about the only woman you're comfortable with. I want you as you're and you're perfect, my Big Skate"
Perfect? More like a perfect disaster.
"You don't believe me?" He asks when he sees my expression.
"Kevin, are you trying to avoid the reality?" I ask him back.
"I can't avoid it even if I try to and I don't want to forget it because that's what made you what you're today, a beautiful, smart, brave, and strong girl. Despite all they did to you, you smile and you didn't let yourself shatter and float in oblivion. You stayed strong. We all have faults but that's what makes us different from others and I'm proud of you, Xia"
Can I love him anymore?
I kiss him.
"I like you, a lot"
"You think. Let me book tickets for us"
What does that even? and No I like you too?
"Sure but finish the second one"
"Yes, Ma'am"
"If you don't mind me asking, does she know everything about your past?"
"She is my doctor but no, not everything. She only knows that I was kidnapped, they did some horrible things and I get nightmares because of that. I used to seek help from her only cause of the nightmares but now I don't have to. I have someone to USE" I tease in the last.
"So I'm the only one who knows?"
"Yeah"
"Apart from those women?" He asks facing me.
"Yeah. But you are the one I chose to tell on my will. It's different"
"Why don't you let the law punish them? They deserve worse"
"Easier said than done. I have my reasons and please don't ask because I won't answer or I'll lie. It's up to you and besides that, one of them is already dead"
"How?"
"Plane Crash" I shrug.
"But they are still after you"
"What? No. What gave you the idea?"
"The Parcel. Why would they send you something like that?"
"Oh! That parcel. She sends me every year on the same date to remind me of my promise"
"Promise?"
"Yeah, I promised them that I won't blow their cover"
"7 parcels? Where are they?"
"7 parcels?" I try to sound clueless.
"You said she sends you a parcel every year. This means they sent you 7 parcels till now. I want to see them"
"Yes, but no, I'm not showing you"
"I want to know. I want to see what more they did to you"
He fixes me with his unyielding look.
"I told you everything."
"I want to see"
"Why are you so stubborn?"
"I'm not. I do want to see them"
"You won't ask me questions anymore after that, deal?"
"You got yourself a deal" He smiles and his shoulders visibly relax.
I notice he was on edge during our conversation.
"Let's have breakfast first then we will go to my place for those stupid parcels" I turn to leave.
"And Xia?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't you ever think to burn my precious kitchen again"
I laugh and leave him with his stupid joke to set table.
KEVIN EMERSON
"Oh! That parcel. She sends me every year on the same date to remind me of my promise"
SHE? Not THEY and I know she didn't say that by mistake because I repeated for her, emphasizing the SHE and Xia agreed again.
So it's one woman who sends her those parcels and she promised only one, not to the other two. This means she is hiding only that particular woman and to save her, she is hiding other women as well.
Rebecca is dead, so now that leaves me with Jessica and Ms-Unknown.
We are at her place and she is packing for Italy.
"Let's go"
"Parcels first"
"Yeah, I remember" She rolls her beautiful eyes.
"Come with me"
We turn to the left and I remember when she prohibited anyone to enter the left-wing on the day of the party.
The first time we kissed.
We pass a dimly lit hallway and open a door, I don't know where we are going because it's too dark.
She takes a stair and I follow her path. She turns right and turns the knob on a door.
"You are free to leave if you change your mind after this," She says without facing me.
Leave as in, leave this room or her?
"Open it"
She finally opens the door.
The room is empty except for a table and sketch of 3 pairs of eyes.
Amber, Blue, and Grey.
But Xia intentionally ignores those sketches and move to the table before passing me 7 boxes.
"Don't ask me about those sketches. I can't stand here for another minute. Just come to my room when you're done" She leaves hurriedly as if her body is on fire.
I don't regret what I'm doing. I want her safe and I'll go to any extent for her safety and happiness.
I'll break and then make her all over. More strong and happy. She deserves all the happiness and I'll make sure of it.
Boxes are placed number-wise. I open the first one.
There is a half-burnt candle and a photo.
In the photo, Xia is 14 and she's naked. She's so young and small, so fragile. Her hands and legs are tied to every corner of the bed. Numerous candles are lit and her body is burnt. Even her lips are burnt and she seems dead. Wax burn is all over her body and blood is oozing out of her wrists and ankles. She must have fought real hard to pull off the strain.
I quickly put it back in the box and open few buttons of my shirt because I suddenly can't breathe enough. I take deep breaths and assure myself that Xia is fine now. She is here. But the thought of avenging them is the only factor that calms me.
I open another box with wobbly fingers.
This has a small but sharp-pointed needle. I check the sharpness of the needle lightly but it pierces my finger. I hiss and suck my finger.
In this, Xia is wearing a red corset but her bottom is naked. Needles are pierced on different parts of her body. Her face, her neck, her hands, her thighs, and her abdomen. Blood and blood.
I look back to my finger and imagined those needles on my body.
I rub my chest to ease the pain. When she told me 'all the torture I can think and beyond' I didn't expect this but also had a fair idea after seeing the photograph.
I open the next box.
A crystal cube.
In this photograph, Xia is laying on an ice slab all naked and I remember how she froze when she saw Victoria falling on ice.
My eyes turn to the sketch of amber eyes.
"Fucking Rebecca"
I remove my shirt. My veins feel like it is about to burst and I know this is all in my mind but I can't help it.
I open the next box.
A stun gun.
A choking sound leaves my throat and my eyes turn blurry. Did they use a stun gun on her?
In this photograph, Xia's body is turned black and purple, and some white foam is dripping from her mouth.
I open the next box.
A small spike.
In this picture, Xia is on the floor and a slab of spikes is hanging on the ceiling but I know what had happened next.
I am going to kill them.
I open the next box.
A recorder and no photograph.
I played the recorder.
"No, please! Please don't......Ahhhhhhh. no. I-I'm sorry-Nooooooooooooo! "
"Will you behave from now?" This voice is of a woman.
I grip the recorder tightly.
"Yes. Ple-please st-top"
"You don't get to demand girl" This is another woman.
"I'm so-sorry.....b-but I'm hu-hungry"
"Let's play our game first" This voice is of the first woman.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah. N-oo. P-Please"
I fall back on my hunches with tears running down my face. This is not the pain I felt my mother died. I feel like murdering each of the women. But murder is not enough. I want to torture them
A choking sob leaves my lungs. I bite my knuckles to muffle my cries and the horrid sounds coming from my chest. It's death ripping.
I don't know for how long I cried but the entire time my eyes were on the sketches.
Amber. Blue. Grey.
I stand and walk closer to the sketch and notice a door behind them but I'm in no mood to snoop.
I'm drained physically and emotionally.
I wipe my face clean and wear my shirt back. I wait for few minutes because I don't want Xia to see me in this situation.
I go back to Xia's room and find her sitting on the bed, lost deep in her thoughts but her tears answer all my questions.
I sit beside her and lay my head in her lap.
Her eyes snap to mine and a tear drops right in my eye and trails down.
Her eyes widen and she wipes them off.
I take her hand and place it on my head.
"How are you still alive?" I ask the only question I could.
"I guess they didn't try their worst" She jokes to lighten the mood.
"Can you please show me your body?"
"You sound horrible, Kevin. What happened to your voice?" She asks but stands to remove her clothes.
I don't reply just kept looking at her.
Her eyes, so sad but alive, not dead as they were in the photographs. Her facial features, where they pierced needles. Her lips, where they burnt her with wax. I move my eyes to her neck and remember blood oozing from the needles. I watch her breasts where they had burnt her and then her stomach and move to wrists and ankles.
I ask her to turn and she did.
I don't see her scar-free and beautiful body.
I see blood, needles, burns, welts, bruises, and strains on her body.
I strip naked and pull her on the bed with me and kiss every single inch of her body without exchanging a single word. I replace the invisible scars with my marks.
I'll cherish her, worship her, love her and keep her safe. She's my world and my life. She's more important to me than to my heartbeat.
As cheesy as it sounds, I can't leave without her, and bringing her happiness back is not only my responsibility but a necessity.
I shed silent tears once she is asleep, marked with my bites, bruised by my hard grip, lips are swollen from my kisses, and my smell on her. But what has me breathing is her serene expression. She is a gem, my gem, they tried to kill. It's only fair that I return the favor.
"I am sorry, baby"
Lawful justice doesn't sound acceptable now.
I don't question the devil inside me anymore.
I embrace my monster willfully.