The rest of the weekend passed by fairly quickly. I had spent both days submitting resumes to studios and finishing up the music project. Chase never came back, leaving me to work on the song by myself. He proved to me just how uncommitted he is to anything. I'm upset and relieved. Sure I was grateful that I didn't have to deal with him and his disgusting antics but it upset me he had left me working on something all alone, something he had picked me to work with.
But then I guess he just wanted someone to do the work for him.
It's Monday morning now and I'm sitting here in the middle of music class, thankfully Chase isn't in. I wonder if he comes to his classes.
I fiddled with a flash drive in hand, ready to submit it after class as I disappointedly chewed on my lip.
Not only was it disrespectful that he didn't come and work the song, but it was weird.
The events of the party were hazy, but I could vaguely remember him offering me to stay in a room, just being nice. I vaguely remember him being a decent human for once, and here I thought he would go through with it. I'm guessing that was just one of his manipulative ways.
The realization dawned on me halfway of working on the song. He was probably just being nice to me so he could gain my trust and make me do things as he does with other people. Just like a piece to his game. Well, too bad, I will not be one. I honestly don't know how anyone would find him attractive or even decent. He's complicated and too much work.
My thoughts seemed to have pulled my focus away too far that I had only returned when the loud ringing of the bell rang through the hall.
On my way out I gave my song to the professor, and he says something that angers me
"Thank you, miss, Parker. I apologise for you working alone. Mr Michaels just submitted his own work to me this morning through email and told me you weren't working with him?"
I looked up at him, my eyes wide and my head spinning. He did what?
"Uh, Sir, he offered to work with me. I did, but he never came, " I defended, too loudly for my liking, and the professor raised his brows.
"Well, if that's the case then I apologise, I will try to talk to Michaels." He apologized sincerely, and I nodded before walking away to my next class.
My blood boiled at the realization of what he's done that I was sure I looked stupid stomping to my next class, but I didn't care. I was mad, not angry, mad. Mad that he decides to not work with me then send his own song in claiming I didn't work with him was just overly outrageous, that I can't even seem to comprehend it in my mind.
All I know is, I better not see him or I will burst into flames. I don't care if he hits me or humiliates me again. I am done with his games and his stupid manipulation. I am done feeling weak, and I sure am done being the bigger person. Someone needs to put him in his place.
The rest of the day dragged on with my added anger. The entire day, all I could really think about was how horrible this guy is. I must've radiated enough anger that that left me to sit alone at the back of the hall when I was in my psych class. Everyone avoided eye contact, but then again we were learning about body language, I guess my distress was obvious.
I needed to talk about this with someone before I lash out on innocent people.
Desperate to talk, I pulled out my phone and called Dani as I walked back to my dorm.
"Hey, girl! What's up?" his cheery voice boomed, and it comforted me.
"Hey, I just needed someone to talk to, " I sounded more worked up than I intended.
"Oh no, what's up?"
"It's just–" I thought of how I could approach this.
"How can someone be so arrogant and outrageous and manipulative? Like, I've hated no one in my entire life more than Chase Michaels, " I finally burst.
"Girl, let it out. What's he done now?"
Walking back to my dorm, I tell Dani everything and he would remind of how bad of a person Chase really was. He would sympathise with me every time I would choke on my words when anger threatened to come out as tears.
As I spoke more, I saw just how much he's affected me.
I met him two weeks ago and my life seemed to have flipped ever so slightly. I've never felt so much rage for someone than I did with Chase Michaels. I hated everything about him from the moment I first laid eyes on him. His tattooed arms, his stupid smile, his blue eyes and the damned smug face. I hate him.
Never have I thought one guy can make me feel so enraged yet so small as soon as he lays his eyes on mine. I felt weak every time he would say something or every time he would change emotions like a light switch.
If my mom finds out that a guy could do this to me, to put me down and just have power over me, she wouldn't be proud.
My mom raised me to let no man control me, make me feel weak or patronize me, especially when she went through her divorce. She promised to teach me that no woman deserved to get bossed around and dragged out. She's taught me to fight for myself and I have. I honoured that because I saw how small my mom felt when she divorced my dad. She so depended on him that when it happened, he left us with almost nothing. She had to pick herself up.
The guilt strikes me. If I can't do it for myself, then at least I should try to do it for my mom.
As I arrive in my dorm, I had no more energy to do anything. All this raging and guilt-tripping is draining. Instead of going to my desk and potentially working on something, I just laid across my bed thanking the heavens that Julia isn't here or I would just have to explain myself all over again.
I sighed as I lazily spread my arms onto the bed as half of my body dangles off the bed. I feel pathetic, probably look like it too.
"Why am I so invested in this son of a bitch?" I asked myself with a groan.
I honestly don't know either. I hate being mad; it makes me feel bad, but when I'm mad at Chase, it's different. Different as in I feel burning in me whenever he ignites my anger and I hate it. I hate knowing that with Chase I am basically a stick of walking dynamite. I hated knowing that he could also use my anger against me. I sat up from my lazy position.
I can't just sit here and dwell on these negative emotions. Without further thoughts, I jumped off of my bed and went for a run.
Maybe familiarizing myself with LA besides the campus will be good for me. The only times I've really been out of the campus is when I went to that stupid party. Having it only be just after lunch. The sun was shining brightly and looked like a delightful time for a run. Maybe I can get lunch after too.
Walking out of the building, the loud chatter of college kids bombards me. This was the usual scene around here, so I didn't really take notice.
I put on my headphones and let the music flush away everything I was feeling.
As I ran outside the campus, the atmosphere shifted. The loud hustle of the city replaced the loud hustle and bustle of college. The breeze is fresh here too. It's much warmer and hazy. The trees around were barely helping with the scene. It definitely looked like fall.
People seemed to be warm and welcoming. Now and then as I ran on the pavement, owners with their dogs would smile politely to me and I would do the same. It was definitely a well-deserved break from all the hurtful things Chase had put me through.
Though the air reeked of smoke and pollutants, the pleasant weather and surroundings paid off. The sky was a beautiful blue with occasional clouds and the sun peaking through. Now and then I would feel the crunch of dead leaves beneath my feet, and every step was a relief.
Running has been a calming method, my therapist suggested to me back home. He's always said that doing something calm yet tiring seems to be just what someone needs to clear their thoughts. It was a way for the mind to focus on other things. I obliged, even though as a teenager, exercise was the last of my worries. The more I did it the more I found the benefits and now when things like this happen. I run.
It wasn't until sweat dripped intensely from my forehead and I was breathing heavily that I had noticed time. It was already three in the afternoon.
I've been running for nearly an hour, stopping here and there to walk. I'm tired yet energized all the same — and hungry.
Heading back to the campus, I had noticed a fast food place just around the corner I didn't notice before. Deciding I had enough cash on my phone to buy myself something, I ate a big lunch.
A girl can't always eat too little.