"I'm sorry, Yue, but you can't be taking a break now since your work schedule is lined up till end of September," explained Dudu, as she placed the teacup to her cherry red lips. Yue had taken the afternoon off to see her at home, and was feeling anxious the whole time.
Yue pursed her lips. "Okay, jie, will it be possible that I take the whole of October off?" she asked, thinking that she could wait another two more weeks. "There are a few important things that I really have to take care of. Please. I promise I will work extra hard."
"Are you going to look for Didi?" she asked as she eyed Yue and scanned her face. "I don't normally interfere with your personal matters but it seems to be getting out of hand."
Yue raised her eyebrow, questioningly. She realized recently Dudu had been putting on heavy make-up, always with smoky eyes and bright red lipstick. She had seldom smiled too. She wondered if Xiong and her had an argument.
"What do you mean, jie?"
Dudu motioned to Xiong who was standing nearby. He placed her mobile phone on the table, just beneath her eyes. Yue squinted her eyes and gasped.
"Someone took this photo and posted on Weibo. I'm confused. Are you with the doctor or Wang He Di?"
Yue stared at her own tear-stricken face leaning on Kuan's shoulder. It was a long shot, obviously taken by a fan or hater, who was watching them from a distance. She cursed herself for not wearing a mask that day. Thank God, Kuan's face was hidden.
"'Who is Shen Yue's mystery guy? Why is she upset? Did she get dumped?' were the few captions they put." She sighed and sat up.
"Yue, the reason I did not put a non-dating clause in your contract because I thought you are mature enough to separate your private life from publicity. But I was careless. Now, you just started your career, you do not want the press to hound you over private affairs but this—" she said pointing to the photo again, "is something that they would squeeze any juice out from it. And they won't stop till they get something back. So, Yue, I suggest you stay low-key with your boyfriend for awhile."
"He is not my boyfriend. Kuan is just a friend," she said biting her lip. "Will this affect the album sales?"
Dudu shook her head. "Bad publicity is still publicity. People are more intrigued with you now. They will look into your private life. What did you plan to do with your break? Remember, you are a professional singer, not a club singer."
"I need to go away from Suzhou. To Japan, maybe. To clear my mind."
"Is this because of Wang He Di? Honestly, I don't agree that you get into any relationships at this point of time. It will complicate your life."
Not living my life true to my heart will complicate my life.
"I know what I'm doing, jie. Please trust me. May I have your permission to take a break, please?"
She watched Dudu paused in deep thoughts. "Just one month, Yue. And you will get ready for your first concert. That is my deal."
Yue's eyes widened and she sat up. "I'm having my own concert?"
Dudu smiled. "A mini one. Christmas or New Year will be a good time, when people are in a cheerful mood."
"Thank you jie! I will work hard," Yue smiled as she hugged Dudu.
"Since you will be flying to Japan, I might be able to get you some work there. You know we have been talking about partnership."
"With whom?"
"Kandytown."
Yue gasped again, her hand over her mouth. Dudu smiled. "If it gets through, you must thank Didi. He has been helping to put in the word for you. He even wrote you a song."
Her heart swelled with emotions and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you. I don't know what to say."
"Just work hard."
Suddenly, she leaned over to Yue. "Are you really over Jackson? Justin told me that you are still looking for the person responsible for his accident. Have you found him yet?"
Taken aback by her question, Yue shrugged and casually said, "Nothing is firm yet. It's been so long. But Xi Ze is helping me."
She glanced down on her own teacup and realized she had not even drank a sip. She could not wait to get home to book her flight to Japan. She smiled, a tiny happy bubble rising to her chest, ready to burst out.
"Yue, if I were you, I would drop the case. The public don't even know you and Jackson dated. Why open a can of worms? And I don't think anyone cares about what happened now. You need to take care of your reputation."
Yue jerked her head up, and caught a flicker of darkness crossed Dudu's face. "Jia Er deserves justice", she said quietly, and finally brought the cup to her lips. "I owe him."
Dudu watched her silently, and raised her cup again. "Just be careful. To your future, Yue."
Reluctantly, Yue brought her cup up. A future without love, justice and truth did not sit well with her at all.
It was not until a few days later that Yue was able to plan her trip to Japan.
Yue quickly ate her dinner and went upstairs to her laptop. She carefully picked a date for her flight but then wondered if she should tell Didi.
No, she wanted it to be a surprise for him. She wanted to see the look on his face when he saw her.
Her phone rang.
"Shen Yue! Where are you? Did you forget that you were supposed to be at the club tonight?" Zi Wei screamed.
"Oh, shit! I totally forgot! So sorry, Wei! I will come tomorrow night."
"Woman, it's so hard to get you out nowadays and you dare ditch us."
"I will make it up to you, okay! Zi Wei..."
"What? Why do you sound so suspicious?"
Yue could not help smiling. "I'm going to Japan."
"When? Why? You should have told me. I want to go too!"
"No, Wei. I need to do this alone. I'm going to find Wang He Di," she said softly.
There was a two seconds pause on the other line. "Finally, Yue. Jia Qi and I have been so worried. I'm happy for you!"
When her life seemed really down, she was grateful that she had friends who supported her and got her back. These friends made her find courage in herself to do things that were beyond her comfort zone.
"It's a surprise. Zi Wei!" She suddenly exclaimed, sensing strange knots in her stomach. "What if Didi does not want me?"
"If that is the conversation you have in your head, I suggest you get a brain transplant. That guy is crazy about you! Go get him! Before some crazy Japanese woman grabs him."
Yue laughed. Suddenly, she saw she had an incoming call. Her eyes blinked. "Wei, I gotta go. He is calling me."
"Talk about the devil. I see you tomorrow."
Yue cleared her throat and pressed the video call button. She placed her phone on the table, leaning on the stand and waited for Didi to appear.
"Didi hi! What a surprise!" When she saw his face, she felt cold. Didi looked like he had eye bags and his smile...it had lost its spark. Is he very sick? She felt nauseous in her stomach, thinking about it.
"Yue, sorry I'm calling now. I know I have not been returning your messages." He said apologetically, running his fingers through his hair. His hair had grown longer since the last time they had a video call. She restrained the urge to run her fingers through it.
She smiled. "It's okay. What's up?" It was hard not to smile when she thought about how soon she would meet him again.
"Yue—" his tone was low. "Is it true? Are you and Kuan together? I saw the photo. Someone sent it to me."
She blinked, surprised. "Didi, how can you believe what's in the photo?"
"How can I not, Yue? You were crying on his shoulder. Any guy would have thought something was going on."
"Wang He Di, you idiot. Kuan is a friend. always a friend."
"Then, why were you upset? What is it that you tell him which you are not telling me?" he asked, raising his voice slightly. "I know I'm not physically there for you but you can talk to me, Yue. I want to be the first to know."
Yue could not place her feelings now. She felt a sudden rise of emotions in her. She lashed out "Then, why didn't you tell me that you are sick? You are not open and honest with me either, Wang He Di."
"I didn't want you to worry, okay? You can't do anything even if I told you."
"Yes, same here! If I were sick or upset, will it help if I told you? Will you take the next flight back immediately and let me cry on your shoulders? Will you do that, Didi?"
"Don't be unreasonable, Yue. I can't just leave things behind. Okaasan has not recovered fully."
"Then, stop being unreasonable with me. Don't you trust me?"
"I trust you. I don't trust—"
"Kuan? Is that right?"
"Yes. No. I mean I get so jealous when I see you with him. It's not the first time, Yue. I have seen how close you were together. Sometimes, you ignore me. Maybe Kuan is hitting on you and you are not aware."
Yue laughed bitterly. "So, this is the real Wang He Di. You ask me to be honest but you are not opening up with me."
"That's not true, Yue. I have been nothing but truthful with you. Since the beginning. But ever since I left, and I don't see you, I just have these crazy feelings. I didn't mean to hide from telling you about my health. I can handle it."
"Then, you don't need me! You can just spend the rest of your life taking care of yourself."
"Shen Yue, what you said doesn't make sense! You still haven't told me why you were upset. Am I so unreliable that you can't come to me? What does Kuan have that I don't? I m 100% more man than he is."
That was it for her. "Baka! You egoistic jerk! Don't call me again!"
She hung up, feeling so angry that she threw her phone on her bed. Within seconds, she started to shiver. Tears flowed down her face. She had lost count how many times she had cried herself to sleep after he left. How could he? Damn him. He was just like Jia Er.
Jealous. Controlling. Possessive.
"No, Didi is not!" Her mind screamed. He was just emotional. Confused. They had not spoken for awhile. It was all a miscommunication. Yue buried her face in her pillow, till no tears came out and she started to dry sob.
What am I to do now? What to do? Will someone please tell me?
She felt better after crying. Her phone buzzed. Didi! She quickly took the call.
"Didi, I'm sorry."
"Yue, I'm here. Come outside."
"Are you back from Kyoto?"
"Come outside, please."
It was so late, after their call. Did he really book a flight back immediately just to see her? Her heart soared. She opened the door eagerly.
Didi stood in front of her with his hands wide open. "Do you miss me?" He grinned. As she was running into his arms, she felt the familiar feeling of burying her face in his chest, with his arms wrapping her tightly.
Too tightly. He was digging into her skin.
"Didi, that hurts."
"Now, you know how much you hurt me. When you are with Kuan." She looked up and saw him smiling, but his eyes looked glazed.
"Shen Yue, since you chose Kuan, I want to tell you that I have someone else too." Out from the shadow, a girl stepped out. It was her. The girl she saw at the basketball court years ago. There was a sneer on her lips.
"Meet my fiancée. We are getting married. I came to say goodbye."
"No, Didi! Listen to me. Kuan and I are just friends. I love you!"
"It's too late, Yue. I gave you a chance. You broke my heart." His arms went around that girl's shoulder and smiled, "Sayonara, Yue."
Yue tried to grab his arm this time to stop him "No, we can make things right. Don't go."
When Didi turned, it was Jackson's face. She took a stepped back. Her knees started to shake, threatening to unbuckle under her.
"Jia Er! Where is Didi? What is happening?" She shivered, sensing something sinister with the way he looked at her.
"Yue, you are in my dream."
"But you are dead."
"Am I? I live in you, Yue. You never forget me just like I never forget you."
"Jia Er. I'm sorry. It was an accident."
"You killed me, Yue. And now you have killed Didi."
Suddenly, she saw Didi lying on the ground, full of blood. Jia Er took him by the arm and dragged him. "I'm taking Didi away from you. You do not deserve him. You belong to me!"
"NOOOO! JIA ER! DON'T DO THIS! DON'T HURT HIM PLEASE!"
A car alarm went off loud outside her window, forcing her to open her eyes. She sat up, cold sweat breaking out from her temples. Her heart was thumping profusely. Tears streaming down her face, she pulled her knees to her chest, rocking herself.
The same nightmare. Over and over again. This time he had a girl. It was a sign. She should not go to Japan.
Then, there was Jackson. For years, she hoped he would appear in her dreams. To tell her it was not her fault. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Jia Er," she whispered.
Her phone buzzed. She jumped. No, is this a dream in a dream? What if it's Didi again?
"Hello," she croaked, without looking at the phone.
"Yue? Are you sleeping?"
"Kuan. It's you." She sighed in relief, thanking God that she had woken up.
"What's wrong?"
"I...I had a nightmare. Jia Er killed Didi. Didi has a fiancée. Kuan! I don't want to go Japan anymore!" She sobbed again.
"Do you want me to come over? I can give you a sleeping pill."
"No, Kuan. I don't want to depend on medication. I want to brave this as it is," she said firmly.
"Why are you so stubborn, Yue? When you didn't show up tonight, I was worried. What happened?"
"We argued. I hate him. I don't want to see him again," her lips pursed tightly to prevent her tears from falling down again.
"You don't mean it. You just cried over him in your dream when he died."
"I hate myself."
"Yue, listen to me. Get a glass of warm milk and go back to bed. Use your essential oil. We can talk tomorrow," he said gently.
"Kuan...Jia Er said I killed him."
"It's your subconscious and that is not true. Do you want me to come and accompany you?" he repeated.
If Yue could see him, she would know how worried he was. He had called her multiple times when she did not show up at the club. When she left him at the hospital that day, he thought she had finally worked things through. And now this.
"Are you trying to seduce me, Kuan? We are a scandal on Weibo. Didi is very jealous of you."
Kuan chuckled. "It's about time that boy feels something. Someone needs to provoke his feelings so he can show his true self."
"I was scared of him. He sounded like Jia Er when he is angry."
She heard a sigh from Kuan. "Didi only behaves that way with the person he loves. No, he is not like Jackson at all. I promise you when you wake up tomorrow you will feel much better. After that, please have a chat with him again."
"I told him not to call me anymore," she gasped. "I was so angry, Kuan."
"Couples do funny things to each other."
"We are not a couple yet!"
"To me, you two are destined for each other. So, stop running away. Face your destiny. Run towards your fears."
Yue closed her eyes and breathed. That sounded like the scariest thing she had ever heard.
"Can you talk to him for me please, Kuan?"
"No, Yue. This is the one thing that I cannot help you with. I can still come over now if you want but we are not going to sleep together."
Yue laughed. "Shut up, Kuan."
"I sleep better when I hear you laugh, Yue. Please don't make play doctor with you again."
She nodded and smiled. "I won't." Her tears had all dried up. The only better day she would have was tomorrow. And tomorrow always come.
Author's notes:
I'm sorry if the nightmares disturbed you. Yue was unwell after Jackson died. Have you ever had one of those dreams that made you cry in your sleep and when you wake up, it is so real that you still sob? I had. The worst are the dreams inside a dream. You think you have waken up but you're actually still inside it!
The light will come soon! Please don't give up on her/ them yet!
Meanwhile, I like Kuan and Yue's friendship. What about you?
💜💛 Hsien
23.4.2020
Final edit 25.4.2020