"You can leave my hand now" I gesture to our intertwined hands.
"What if I don't want to?"
"Life doesn't work as we want "
"But it works according to our need and you need me" He retaliates.
"I see. You're gonna rub it on my face, now?"
He leans to whisper in my ear, "In my defense, I believe you would prefer me rubbing this newfound knowledge on you rather than what I am envisioning right now"
My ears turn hot, "You're one cocky bastard" I hiss before yanking my hand from his loose grip and follow our friends to Ice skating.
"You love my cocky self" I can hear his smug look over my shoulder.
I flip him my magic finger and earn myself his wolf whistle.
Despite his annoying self, I find myself smiling at his silly behavior.
Everyone is at their spot with their jackets and skating gears when Kevin joins us.
"Are you sure about this?" I ask, Victoria, uncertainly because of how far I know, she sucks at ice skating and her tolerance to cold is almost nil.
"Yeah. Nich is helping me" She replies way too happy.
I eye the traitor and he tilts his chin in Xaiyla's direction. He is not the most sought out person for ice skating and Ed and Pastry would never help Victoria because my enemies are their enemies and I am not pushing Kevin towards Victoria, so Kevin is not even in the option, then there's Xaiyla, who may walk on ice with her heels on but add one pound of weight on her, and you will have some broken bones. Lastly, I, who has experience of ice skating worth one year, under professionals. The thing is, females are not my only issue. After the incident, I had fear of cold, bondage, blood, fire, and darkness. One by one, I overcame them all. Obviously, with help of my doctor. I learned ice skating to get over my first source of terror, let Dr. Phil tie my wrists for seconds, which later escalated to minutes then hours, made some small harmless cuts to bear the sight of blood, slept around burning candles to tolerate their heat and meditated in darkness to the point where it is my favorite hide now. The journey was not easy. It was my version of personal hell but I endured it because of several sleepless nights, countless panic attacks, and frequent visits to the hospital, I was the only one hurting. I didn't leave my family for the fun of it. I left them because I was ashamed of my weak self. I wanted to overcome my fears and the plan was to return once I succeed but I failed to attain my last fear because for that to happen I would need to experiment with women and there is no guarantee of me not hurting them or vice versa. I would never be able to live with myself if I ever hurt someone innocent. Consequently, I know what the right thing is to do in this situation
"I can help you" A part of my brain whispers that this is a bad idea, I should not let my overconfidence rule me but I am like the child who has achieved something unattainable and greedy for more. I didn't hurt Emy, I didn't hurt my sister, and I sure as hell won't hurt Victoria. I am certain of it.
"You are pushing it" Kevin mutters in a gravel voice but it's Xaiyla who gets my attention.
"That would be great" Her voice is chirpy and there is a little bounce on her posture. I look closely at her glittering eyes and conclude that I am not the only one who attained something.
I rub my gloved hands together and I don't feel my own hands. I can do this.
In beginning, Victoria loses her balance on many occasions and I help her stand upright but there is one time she falls on her ass when I was trying to distract myself from the reality where I am holding the hand of the Spawn of Satan, dragging me along.
"You fall like it's no one's business" I bite out while rubbing my aching behind.
"It seems like you're pro in skating and I'm in falling"She snickers and adds in low voice "At least were are together, like old times"
Together? I didn't see her when I cried for her help. I was alone.
"Get up"
I stand and offer my hand to pull her up but my breathe catches in my throat when I glance at another side, where Kevin is standing in all his glory. Freaking Shirtless. I rubbed my eyes to confirm if I'm seeing things. And just like that, I feel the world blurring around me. All my senses pivot to him. His tall, chiseled body glistening golden under the sun, his jeans hanging loose on his trim waist and his broad shoulders adorned by these muscular arms. He is all muscles and rough. I feel heat pooling in between my thighs and a dreamy sigh escapes my lips when his eyes, which are two pools of darkness under the sunrays, meet mine
He mouths something, probably shouting but I am too engrossed in lusting over his V line to focus what he is speaking of. He gestures me to look down and starts skating towards me but this time his panic expression catches my attention.
I follow his gaze, already expecting the worse, and meet my nightmare in the flesh.
Victoria is sliding on her front, trying to catch something to stop herself from slipping too far. She is shouting something, maybe my name but her amber eyes are searching for me.
These Same eyes, the same voice, the same cry of help, and the same fear of death.
A sense of deja vu washes over me and makes me incapable to hear any other sound than a shrill of white noise resonating from my brain to ears. It's too deafening to listen to anything else. I blink back the haziness clouding my eyes and I wish I had not.
************************************
Flashback
"Punishment us, Mistress" They bow down, making me sick in my stomach but even this is not possible as they have not fed me for three days.
The word 'punishment' ticks me all the time.
Last weak, they have stripped me naked and whipped my skin with a leather belt and flogger and after applying sea salt on my injuries, they strapped my legs and hands-on ice slab and left me to die of hypothermia but unfortunately, they came after few hours and untied me but I wasn't able to move my body even slightly. They paid for my medications and treatment and that's why they have not given me food as a form of punishment as they can't do any exterior harm. So, to my 14-year-old self, it sounds only fair that she punish them as well, to make them feel what she goes through every day.
"Strip and lie down on ice the slab" I am shivering too but I want to punish them more.
All three devils lie down but I don't like their smiling faces. I want them to cry for my help. I want them to suffer. I want them to feel helpless.
I cough and tie them but mistakingly, one of the women's wrists was being tied too tightly that stopped her blood circulation but at the time, I don't pay much heed to her because my sole attention was on my aunt and their suffering.
I sat silent, sometimes coughing, enjoying their shrill voice of agony.
I keep looking in my aunt's eye without blinking. Every emotion that passes through her eyes is naked to me. Her pain, her fear, her suffering, I witness everything and it will always be fresh in my mind.
My snicker is followed by blood.
I hear two of them using their safe word but one woman lays still.
I stand shakily to untie them but with each step, I take to help them, my coughing increases. I untied the hands of my aunt with difficulty., then she unties her ankles. So I move to the next woman but at this point, I am unable to see or listen to anything. My senses are blocked. I try untieing her wrists but my fingers are shivering frantically.
I think, I am calling my aunt for help to untie the woman but I don't hear my voice. Someone pushes me aside but I feet nothing because my whole body has gotten numb at this point.
************************************
Someone pushes me from their way. I follow the hand to see the person but my vision is too blurry to identify them. I look ahead to see Kevin carrying Victoria in his arms and then I realize I am paralyzed and have stopped breathing. I grasp a lungful of air and something thick fluid drips from my nostril.
"Alexia" Someone is calling my name and shaking me but just like in the cold room my body is numb. I watch Kevin's back, walking away and try to sync our hearts together but this time, he has someone else to take care of.
"She is not moving", The same person says and lifts me in their arm to carry me somewhere.
I don't know for how long everything was blocked but the next thing I know is looking into someone's electric blue eyes.
"Come back to me" A masculine voice whispers but I keep looking into his blue eyes, the most beautiful pair I have ever seen.
"Baby, please" He pleads while holding my hands and I feel the warmth seeping into my bones.
I look around I am in a hospital room with others sitting around my bed and my jacket, gloves, shoes, and cap is removed
"Look at me, Big Skate"
I look back at him. Still shirtless but his eyes are colored in dark shades of horror that I don't find in myself to look anywhere but them. I lift my arm to ameliorate his disheveled hair.
"Hey" My mouth feels like dry cotton.
"Jesus!" His head leans in my touch with relief and kisses each finger in quick succession.
"Call the doctor" Xaiyla doesn't remove her eyes from me, looking like she had a battle with death herself.
Kevin gives me water and I sip it slowly before asking.
"Victoria?"
"She is fine. Everything is fine."
The doctor came with a nurse. They follow the scripted procedure of checking eyes, mouth, pulse rate, and vitals.
"You are out of danger now" He states after the checkup.
I was in danger?
My question must have been evident on my face because he answered, "We were about to give you CPR"
Kevin's hand crushes my fingers in a death grip.
"I am fine" But I feel tired too. I drift back to sleep but heard Xaiyla and Kevin arguing about if they should tell my parents or not.
Later in the evening, Xaiyla stays with Victoria and Kevin drives me to my place.
I am feeling quite energetic after those medicines and glucose, so I keep checking him out shamelessly and picture him back, shirtless on ice. My breath hitches at the memory and nipples poking my bra. I shift on my seat for friction and decide it's too much torture.
I want him. Now.
He is deep in thoughts but not deep enough to not feel my hand touching his thighs.
"Alexia"
"What?"
"Wanna talk about it?"
Of course. This is Kevin. He is not going to give me what I want unless I promise to give what he wants.
"Tomorrow" I know we don't have a future together, so I want something from him before I scare him off.
"I can respect that" He smiles.
We reach my place and he offers to order us dinner, so I go to my room to freshen up real quick and come out wearing a see-through singlet and shorts just long enough to my ass.
I stand directly behind him and then he turns around after plating food. It doesn't take long before his pupils dilate in unadulterated lust.
Like every red-blooded man, all he sees is a set of tits and long legs but Kevin seems to gather his wits after a moment.
"Xia" He breathes my name in his hoarse voice and tries his best to not look anywhere below my face.
"Kevin?" I smile and look him through my lashes. Trying my best to look sexy.
"Dinner is ready"
"Yeah. It's ready"
He looks at me leisurely one more time before striding to the very end of the table, away from me. I sit on the edge of the table, closer to him and scoop ice cream, which is for dessert, and moan just to get to him.
"I know what you are doing", He remarks, still not looking anywhere else but me, before sipping water.
I trace his shin with my toe and his head falls forward, his harsh breathing fanning my bare arms.
"I don't know what you're talking about"
He pulls his feet back and continues eating as if my ass is not planted in front of his face. I drop some melted ice cream on my thighs and his palm covers it quickly. His pointer finger is too close to the hem of my shorts. I shiver in excitement.
"I'm not gonna take advantage of your vulnerability and I can only hold for so long," He looks me up with hooded eyes, that gulping down his saliva. I sigh and try to explain him.
"I'm not vulnerable, Kevin. I'm trying to help myself. To know my past you'll have to do this or you'll be a confusing mess in the end. I want someone to understand my pain. I want someone who'll listen to me. I want to bare my body to someone before my soul and I want that someone to be you"
Because I know after this he'll be able to solve half of the mystery without telling anything more.
He keeps searching for something in my eyes and after a long deliberating pause he finally stands and offers his hand to meme.
"Let's make love, baby"
"We are not gonna make love. You'll be fucking me" I provoke him further.
"OK then. So where would you prefer yourself to be fucked? Right here on the table or in your bedroom?" He steps closer, crushing my boobs on his chest, my nipples harden painfully and an electric shiver zaps through my core.
"Anywhere and everywhere" I reply just above a whisper.