-Jordan-
I watched the sun come up the next morning. The curtains were open as usual, so I could see it perfectly. I had never done that before. I had never been able to. The schedule had always forced me to get out of the bed and start with the endless cycle that was my life, robbing me of the opportunity to enjoy the simple things.
But not anymore.
When the sun became too bright for me to look at, I turned to take a good, long look at the man next to me. The covers were hiding only his lower half, leaving the rest of his body vulnerable to my greedy eyes. He was so incredibly handsome. Gorgeous. Hot... I was still relaxed after all the nice things he did to me last night... He did a lot of nice things to me... So nice, in fact, that even thinking about those nice things made me feel quite warm under the covers.
I placed my hand on his side, enjoying his smooth skin as I let my hand slide up and down on his body, hoping I wouldn't wake him up, wishing he would wake up... I hadn't felt so energetic in weeks, so staying still was getting a bit boring, but at least I had Blake to give me something to do. It didn't even matter that he was asleep.
Just being able to touch him was enough to keep me occupied for a long while. I studied his scars, the lines of his muscles, his strong hair and handsome features without getting enough of it. There once was a time when I was living my life completely alone, cut off from my family and the rest of the world, and now... sometimes it felt almost like my past never happened. So much had changed that it was odd to think back. How was I able to live like that? How did I not die of loneliness?
I slowly moved my hand from his neck to all the way down on his hip and snuggled as close as I could. I kissed his temple and moved my hand on his back, tracing my finger down on his spine. I couldn't help the memories from last night appearing in my mind... I leaned in to kiss his soft lips and wasn't surprised when he kissed me back.
"Morning..." he murmured, sending happy shivers through my body.
"Did I wake you up?" I asked innocently.
"You did that on purpose," he smiled.
I was suddenly wrapped in his arms. He rolled on his back, taking me with him. I laughed lightly when I ended up laying on top of him. Without a word, he kissed me again, brushing his hand through my hair, waking up parts of me that were dying to be woken up.
"I've missed this..." I breathed out when his lips moved onto my throat.
"Me too," he spoke against my skin, his breath sending a new wave of shivers through me.
I moved my legs on both sides of him while his hands found their way on my sides and his tongue in my mouth. It was clear that he, too, was getting turned on – I could feel it against my lower half. The frisky hands on my body moved downward, eventually settling on my ass. The longer we kissed the greedier he became while squeezing my buttocks and thighs, making me lose myself in his arms.
Soon, I wanted more. I needed more. I sat up on his lap, feeling his hard manhood right under me. He looked up at me with the same expression I knew I had on my face: desire. The few moments it took him to find the lube and use it were making me impatient, and I found it amusing. Never had I thought I could enjoy sex so much that I couldn't wait for a lousy minute while my partner was getting ready...
But it was so good... When I finally sat down slowly, enjoying every inch of his length, I let out a content breath. I leaned against his chest, watching his expression turn into something a man in heaven would have. His hands returned on my hips as I began riding him, loving every second of it.
I had truly missed having sex in the morning. I had missed seeing how crazy Blake would get. I had missed the nice sensations and shivers, and I had definitely missed that deep connection between us.
I loved the expression he made when he came. That pure pleasure in his eyes, the tension of his body, the way he held me like his life depended on it... I loved it. I loved it more than my own pleasure. And I loved my own pleasure a lot.
During the wonderful aftermath, he looked up at me with such a tender smile on his face that I nearly started crying on the spot. He placed his hand on my cheek, brushing my skin gently with his thumb without saying a word. He looked like he was admiring something breathtaking... I was just a regular guy with regular looks, but the way he looked at me made me believe that I was beautiful, not a skinny scarecrow I always thought I was.
"I love you," he whispered.
I did start crying. The happiness I felt was just too overwhelming. He pushed himself to sit up, pulling me into a tight, loving hug. I wrapped myself tightly around him, resting my head on his shoulder as he caressed my back soothingly...
"I love you too," I whispered back.
How did I get so lucky to have him?
*****
Later that day, while I was washing my hands in the bathroom, I took a look at myself in the mirror. I wasn't a big fan of the clear fact that I'd lost some weight again after getting rid of the clocks, but I tried not to focus on that. I turned sideways and grimaced at the thin figure staring back at me, but then turned my attention to my hair. I had collected it all in a ponytail, the tips reaching down to my lower back. It was still a bit odd to see it so short, but the length had stopped causing me distress a while ago, which was great. And my god, it was so easy to wash these days...
Excluding the weight-loss, I looked better. Healthier. Maybe that was what Blake had been admiring in the morning? I mean, I wasn't so pale anymore, and the dark circles around my eyes were nearly gone. I felt stronger too. And calmer. Composed. Confident even.
I was thinking less about the clocks and time and the schedule by each passing day, and there were even times when I completely forgot all about them. Well, for a moment, at least, but that was huge for me. Those small moments when I didn't have the need to know what time it was felt so unbelievably great. I once thought I could never even get out of the bed if I missed my schedule, but now... There I stood with no idea what time it was, taking a bathroom break while watching a movie with Blake...
Getting out of my room had been occupying my thoughts the most during the last couple of days. I still couldn't believe I had been on the second floor already! I had been in my mother's study room, and I had managed to stay pretty calm! I just... It was so unbelievable that I could do that.
And I wanted to do it again. I wanted to go further this time. I wanted to go all the way down to the first floor...! I wanted to explore every inch of the house. I wanted to see how much it had changed over the years. Even the thought of it scared me, but not enough to bring me down. I had Blake with me, so even if I passed out, he'd take care of me.
A smile emerged on my lips when I turned my back on the mirror and walked to the door. The idea of blacking out and not having any control over myself had always scared me to the point it had become a huge obstacle in my life. I wasn't even sure what I was more afraid of, doing something that could cause me to have a panic attack, or the panic attack itself.
I mean, if I was alone and had a panic attack, no one would probably even notice it and knowing that had always terrified me. Having panic attacks, black-outs and aggressive phases still worried me, and I was still a bit scared of them, but at the same time, I now knew those were not the end of the world. I wasn't alone anymore. I had Blake to take care of me. He would soothe me down or call for help if he couldn't do it on his own, and that thought gave me confidence and peace of mind. It was so much easier to face my problems now that I knew he was there to catch me if I fell.
No... He was there to make sure I didn't fall.
I stepped out of the bathroom and spotted him by the balcony, looking out the window. I stopped to stare at him, my smile fading. It always hurt to see him stand there... He gave up so much to be with me...
"You remind me of a trapped eagle," I said quietly, clearly spooking him since he jumped a little.
"What?" he chuckled, turning around to look at me.
"A majestic creature in a cage – that's how I see you. Trapped here with me..."
"Well, the door is wide open," he said, nodding his head towards the said door. "I'm just waiting for my mate to spread his wings." When I didn't say a word, he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'm waiting so I can fly with you," he murmured in my ear.
"You've had to wait for a long time now," I muttered back, but he put his finger under my chin to make me look up at him.
"You do remember that I've been in an actual cage before, right?" he chuckled. "Hi, I'm Blake. I used to steal things. This house is a five-star hotel compared to being in jail."
I couldn't stop the laugh from escaping my lips. He had such a boyish grin on his face that I couldn't dwell in the negative emotions any longer. "I remember now," I said with a smile, hugging him back.
I could feel his lips on my temple when he squeezed me tightly. "A majestic creature, huh?"
"Yes," I said, snuggling my head against his neck, taking in his scent. "I just hope you don't have any regrets..."
"Not a single one," he said softly. "One, I love you. Two, I love you. Three, I like your family and home. I'm so happy to share my life with you guys, and I don't miss my old life one bit."
He was so good at taking away the doubts I had... Before him, my mind was in such a tight knot that I didn't even know where to start opening it, but little by little, he had managed to untie that mess. And he knew how to keep that mess untangled.
I hugged him even tighter when the sudden happy emotions were trying to cause havoc inside me. I liked this kind of emotional turmoil. I loved having these strong feelings. And hope... And faith... And confidence... They made me feel so alive.
He held me for a while, caressing my back slowly, tenderly. I was so calm that I started feeling sleepy, and the warmth of his body was making it worse. Soon, opening my eyes became quite a task, but I succeeded. I pulled back just a little to see him smile at me.
And again, he looked at me like I was something amazing, but he was the amazing one.
"Do I have something on my face?" he chuckled.
"My lips," I murmured before kissing him.
He was clearly pleased with the attention I gave him, so I wasn't in a hurry to break it off. He deserved it. He had been so patient with me while I was fighting with myself, so now that I was finally able to function almost normally, I wanted to give him as much affection as I could.
Especially now that he was feeling insecure... He wasn't his normal, goofy self. There was worry in his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking. I knew he was scared to hear the results of the DNA test and afraid he was going to get sent to jail. I feared it, too, but I didn't want to think about it.
When I pulled back, I took his hand in mine and led him to the couch. I gently pushed him to sit down before I climbed on his lap and kissed him again. He chuckled lightly against my lips while his hands landed on my butt.
We stayed in that little, happy bubble of ours for a long time. At one point, I found myself lying on the couch with Blake hovering over me. His lips were still on mine, and his hand was slowly pushing my shirt up to caress my chest. I was pretty sure we'd end up making love again if this continued, but I didn't mind. On the contrary. He was free to take whatever he wanted, and I did my best to encourage him. He loved attention. He lived for it.
And I really had missed this kind of intimacy.
But sadly, he didn't take advantage of it. He was slowly calming down, the heated kissed were becoming tender pecks, and his touch was turning less greedy under my clothes.
"Do you want to finish the movie?" he asked with red cheeks.
"What movie?" I smiled, placing my hand on the back of his neck to play with his hair.
He laughed lightly and leaned in to peck my lips one more time. "Is there something else you'd like to do?"
I thought about it for a moment, but I already knew what I wanted to do. I peered at the door, and he noticed it.
"I guess I know already," he smirked, sitting up on the couch, pulling me with him.
"The house is empty, right?" I asked, and he nodded. "Good... I... I think I want to go try it again. I... want to see more of the house."
"Sure thing, babe," he smiled and took my hand in his. "Do you want to do it now? I think Julia comes back in a few hours..."
I nodded, feeling the familiar nervousness rising inside me, but again, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.
This time it was pretty easy to step out of the door, right into Blake's arms, although I had to wait for a bit for the emotions to calm down before I dared to look up. Blake gave me a soothing smile after I lifted my head up from his shoulder, and I felt much stronger right away.
"You're taking such big steps nowadays that it scares me a little," he said, placing his hand on my cheek.
"Same," I told him truthfully. "But I know I'm safe with you. Maybe that is why this is getting easier."
"Who knows," he breathed out. "I am so proud of you..."
I had no words to say, so I kissed him, almost forgetting that I wasn't in my room anymore. After we broke the kiss, I turned to look at the staircase that was behind him. Seeing it tickled my fears a bit, but the doubts vanished when I looked at Blake again.
"Should we?" I asked, and he nodded, taking my hand in his before turning to face the stairs.
Walking down the stairs was much harder for me than stepping out of the door, but I wasn't surprised. I had done it only once before, after all. Blake did a remarkable job at keeping me calm and my thoughts occupied so I didn't get overwhelmed, but I still wanted to take one step at a time. One very small step at a time. At least I only had to sit down twice.
Once we reached the second floor, I wasn't sure if going to the first floor was a good idea after all. I was already excited enough to see my mom's study again, but being on the second floor was taking its toll on me, so I didn't want to stress myself too much. I waited for a while, squeezing Blake's hand in mine, but since everything seemed fine, I stepped closer to my mom's study.
Nothing had changed in the room, of course, which was why I wanted to see it instead of checking out the other rooms. My mind was easier to keep under control since it was already familiar to me, but I wanted to make at least a little bit of progress as well.
"I want to take a closer look," I told Blake, who nodded. I stepped into the study and waited for a few moments before walking closer to the massive desk that was in front of us. I touched the polished surface as I looked around, but what beckoned my attention was a picture of my family. It was an old picture, taken before my accident.
"We're so young..." I whispered when I picked it up carefully.
It had to be the last picture of me when I was still a normal child.
"I remember seeing that picture when I broke in," Blake spoke quietly. "I stood right here, and the first thing I noticed was your purple eyes."
"They're blue," I chuckled, tilting my head. "Well, they kind of look purple."
"The most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," he said, touching my cheek with a fond expression on his face. Then, he turned to look at the walls. "I immediately fell in love with your paintings. I had to force myself to look away from them... They all were so gorgeous... I still feel bad for suggesting selling them."
The paintings had left clear spots on the walls where they used to be. Someone had tried to erase the lines but in vain. Now, those empty spots looked like shadows from the past. Mom had told me several times how much she missed them... I felt bad for her, but at the same time, I was happy that I could finally help with the bills.
"After that, I went to see your father's study, and it was so odd that there was nothing of yours. No paintings, no figurines, nothing..."
"Mom hoarded them all," I chuckled, looking down at the picture. My parents were smiling so brightly...
"I knew it," he laughed as well and then fell silent for a moment. He stared at the staircase for a while, before he turned to look at me again. "And then, I climbed up to the third floor. I was so goddamn intrigued to see what was in there. I couldn't get a clear view of it during the time I was watching your home, and I was dying to find out what you guys were hiding in there."
"It was me. I was hiding in there," I whispered.
"But I found you," he said just as quietly, giving me the warmest smile. "Destiny, fate, God... call it whatever you want, but I know someone led me to you. Some higher power pointed me to this house and made sure I'd find you."
I had tears already in my eyes when he stepped right in front of me.
"When I laid my eyes on you... The first thing I thought was that you had to be the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I immediately knew your name because of the color of your eyes."
"And then I screamed at your face," I chuckled, and sniffed.
"And fainted," he laughed lightly. "You scared the shit out of me. I couldn't just leave you there, lying on the cold floor. I had to take you to bed and make sure you were all right."
I looked up at him, feeling so ridiculously happy to have him there, right next to me. "And then you ran away."
"But I came back. I couldn't just leave," he breathed out. "I tried so many times, but I couldn't leave. I had to see you again and again. I threw all the cautiousness away to climb up on your balcony just to see you every night."
"Stalker," I smirked through my tears.
"I couldn't get my eyes off you," he said. "For the record, I was painfully aware of how wrong it was to stalk you."
"Well, that's something," I chuckled, wiping my cheeks dry. "I'm sad that I can't remember the moment when we first met. But I remember the next day. It was... bad..."
"I'm so sorry," he muttered, touching my arm gently.
"Don't be," I said, placing my hand on his cheek. "You turned my life around that night."
His eyes were watering up too when he pulled me into a tight hug. "You turned my life around that night," he murmured.
"Destiny," I whispered, trying not to start crying again as I hugged him tightly. "That's what it was."
We held each other for a long time. I forgot everything else. All I could think of was him... my memories of him... and the future with him. When I opened my eyes, I saw a clock on the wall. I hadn't even noticed it before. For a moment, I just stared at it – at my oldest enemy. It was twelve minutes past two... I was supposed to be studying right now.
But I wasn't.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on Blake's shoulder. There was nothing I was supposed to do. The clock didn't have a hold on me anymore. Time couldn't tell me what to do anymore.
I didn't belong to it anymore.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too," he replied.
I belonged to Blake.