-Jordan-
When I ended the call with my mom, I was shivering all over from the storm of emotions I was having inside. Not a day had passed without me missing my family terribly, but I had always been too afraid to ask them to come to see me. I wasn't worried about how I would react when I saw them or how bad it would feel. No, I feared to see the pain in their eyes when I freaked out – and I would freak out. I didn't want my family to see me like that.
But now...
"Oh, baby – come here," Blake spoke tenderly when he saw the tears in my eyes.
I stood up and without hesitation, I hugged him. My whole body was weak, but Blake held me tightly, keeping me up on my feet.
"It's all right, baby – everything is all right," he muttered soothingly into my ear.
"What if I... What if I freak out?" I gasped. "What if she doesn't want to see me like this? I don't want to hurt her like that. What if she thinks that I don't love her or trust her?"
"She's a strong woman," he said. "She knows you love her, and that you can't help it. Your mom will always love you, no matter what."
I sniffed and nodded against his shoulder. It wasn't easy to calm down this time. What I was going through at that moment had nothing to do with my phobias, so I didn't know how to deal with myself. I had wanted to see my mom for so long, and now that it was actually going to happen, I was a mental wreck, and I didn't know what to do.
I hugged Blake tighter. I was scared, and the only thing that seemed to help was being held by him. It really did help, and soon, I felt braver.
"I can do this," I sniffed after a while. "I want to see her."
"I know, honey," he said and kissed my temple softly. "You are stronger than you think."
"I'm going to see her," I hiccupped. "I'm really going to see her," I repeated and laughed nervously against his chest.
"Yes, you are," hesaid and pulled away just enough to see my face. "You have come so far, and I'm so proud of you."
"It's all thanks to you," I spoke from the bottom of my heart. "I would still be miserable and alone without you."
"I robbed the right place then," Blake smirked. "I really did hit the jackpot by choosing this house."
I blushed a little and smiled shyly before I looked down. "You think you're so smooth..." I said, but the truth was that he made me feel much better with his flirty joke.
"I mean it – you are the best thing that has happened to me," Blake said and pulled me closer.
I looked up at his face and saw a great smile on his lips. His eyes were staring at me so lovingly that it sent happy shivers running down my spine.
"Damn, you're good," I muttered and blushed harder.
"Why are you being so shy?" Blake asked quietly.
"I'm not being shy..." I said. "The clock is ticking..."
Blake looked like he wanted to let out a sigh, but he didn't. Instead, he carefully leaned closer, like asking for my permission. I moved my head back in anticipation, giving him the permission he wanted, and he pressed his lips slowly on mine.
I had already grown to like kissing. It felt so amazing and exhilarating to have his lips on mine; to feel his breath on my face and feel his warmth all over me. I had been so scared of being touched, that I had never even imagined that I could enjoy it so much.
"Do you want me to stay here?" Blake asked when he parted our lips.
"Yeah," I breathed faintly, with a smile on my face. "I'd like that."
"Then I'll stay," he promised.
-Blake-
I could tell that Jordan was anxious about meeting his mother face-to-face for the first time in... how many years? It hurt me to even try to guess how long it had been. Jordan kept looking at the clock more often than usual, and as the hours passed, he started to get really nervous.
"Baby – stop that," I said for the thousandth time when I caught him gnawing on his nails.
"I'm too nervous," he sighed and pushed away the book he was trying to read.
"There's nothing to be worried about," I said calmly.
"But there is!" he said almost angrily. "What if I snap and scare her away?"
"You know your mother – she can't be scared that easily," I said soothingly. "I know this is scary to you, but you know I'm right."
"Maybe I'm not ready after all..."
"You still have time to decide. If you feel like it's too soon, your mom will understand," I said and stood up from the couch I was sitting on and walked over to him. "You don't have to do it if you have any doubts."
"But I really want to see her," he said quietly. "And she's going to be so disappointed if I don't let her come."
"You have to do what's best for you," I said and placed my hand gently on his shoulder. "Your mom agrees with me. I think you're just nervous, that's all."
Jordan was quiet for a moment before he nodded lightly. "I guess you're right."
"Have you talked with her on Skype?"
"I have," he nodded. "At least once a week."
"And it's going well?"
"Yeah – It's better with her than my shrink, and I see him every day," Jordan told me.
"That's good," I smiled at him. "I believe that it will go great, but if you need more time to get used to the idea–"
"No," Jordan said sternly. "I'm ready. I want to see her. At least a short glimpse."
"That's the spirit," I said and patted his shoulder.
Jordan returned my smile and placed his own hand over mine. "Thank you," he breathed out.
"Anything for you, baby," I replied and kissed his cheek. "I'm always here for you."
"Thank you," he repeated, and blushed lightly, before he added, "babe."
I wanted to hug him really tight for calling me that. It was the first time he used a cute nickname with me. I didn't hug him of course, because I was worried he was already trying too hard, and even the slightest change could knock him off balance. He was really anxious about meeting his mother, so I had to be careful not to push him in any way.
"I should continue with this," Jordan said and turned to look at his book.
"What is that?" I asked and glanced over his notebooks, paper-piles and the thickest and biggest book I had ever seen.
"This? It's uh... a bit of light reading," he smirked and turned to look at me.
"Light?" I asked and turned the book to read the cover. "P-phil-hilopsh..."
"Philosophy, and it was a joke," he chuckled.
"What was a joke?" I asked in confusion.
"Light reading!" he said. "Honestly – don't you read?"
"I do, yes, but I gave you the only book I had," I reminded him. "And I never owned a library card."
"Well then. I'll give you something to read," he said and stood up. "Do you like magic?"
"Magic?" I repeated and watched Jordan as he walked to his bookshelf.
"Fantasy," he explained and grabbed one of the books. "I bet you'll love this – it's brilliant," he continued and brought the book to me.
"Oh, okay. I should give it a try then?"
"Definitely! I have the entire series!" Jordan said brightly. "You need something to do if you're going to hang out here in my place."
"True," I said and turned the book around to see the description. "Wizards?"
"Magic," Jordan said and tapped the cover. "This book is pure magic."
"And something about stones?" I continued after reading the title. "That sounds boring."
"Trust me – it's not," Jordan smirked. "And maybe, since you'll be staying here now, and my schedule at seven is now free, we could start watching this really great TV show every evening?"
"So I'm staying here now?" I cooed. "I do love the sound of that."
"Can we?" Jordan pleaded. "I haven't had any time to watch TV."
I could tell that he was really excited about it, so I nodded. "Anything you want, love. Anything you want."
"Yay!" Jordan cheered with a cute, tiny voice and hugged me.
This was the part of Jordan I had never seen before. I loved it. I really, truly loved to see him so cheerful and enthusiastic. I believed that without his phobias, OCD and self-hate, this was the person who he was supposed to be. He was being young, playful and relaxed, and I was falling in love with him all over again.
"I should get back to studying," he said and let go of me.
"And I'll start reading about stones," I said.
"You'll love it – if you won't, I don't know if this thing between us can work out," Jordan smirked.
"Damn," I laughed. "I better love it then."
"I'm just joking, obviously," Jordan said tenderly and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'm so glad I met you – I really am. I hope you know that," he added shyly.
"I know," I said quietly, and gave him a reassuring smile. "I know."
-Julia-
I tried to go on with my day like nothing was going on, but soon I had to give up. I was too excited and too nervous to concentrate on anything, while I waited for the time to go see my son. I had a big smile on my face the entire time, and I couldn't stop talking about it.
I was going to see Jordan. My baby boy. The child I thought I lost.
I smoked quite a lot of cigarettes as well. Later in the afternoon, I was all alone, so I went out once again, and went to get my smokes. As I lit one up, I looked back at that horrible, horrible day all those years ago... I had been home with my daughters. John was with Jordan in Europe, and I thought everything was going well, until...
I still shivered when I thought about that phone call with my husband... The fear I felt when he told me he lost Jordan in the middle of a riot... It would never stop haunting me. Three days, I waited for any news. Three horrible days I lived in fear that I would never be able to see my only son ever again. My parents came to take care of my daughters because I wasn't able to take care of even myself during that time.
I shook my head and breathed in the smoke. My Jordan. My beautiful baby boy... He came back broken, and nothing we did could even begin fixing him.
Today I had to ask him to not rush into anything with his new boyfriend...
I smiled.
Today I would finally see him again.
When I still had an hour to spare, I found myself in my room with Jamie and Joyce. I was trying out different outfits like I was going out on a fancy date. I was getting a bit too obsessed about what to wear.
"So, it's really happening?" Joy asked after a moment of silence, and I could hear the disbelief in her voice.
"It really is," I spoke tenderly.
"When can we meet him?" Jamie asked curiously.
I turned to look at them. They were sitting on my bed, and I saw Joy rolling her eyes. She was... not in a good mood.
"I'm sure that you get to see him soon too," I said with a warm tone, and Jamie looked happy. Joy, on the other hand, didn't look happy with my answer. "What's wrong, Joy?"
"Our family, that's what's wrong," she snorted.
"Don't say that!" I said in shock.
"It's true!" Joy said almost angrily. "I have a big brother living right upstairs, but I've never met him!"
"Yes, you have," I said quietly.
"Yeah!" Joy let out a humorless laugh. "When I was three!"
"Joy, please," I tried to calm her down, but it never worked – she got often upset when Jordan was mentioned.
"Dad was right, you know? When he said that Jordy belongs in the psych ward," Joy hissed before she stood up and stormed out of the room.
I looked after her, but I didn't have the courage to follow her. Joy used to get bullied because of Jordan, and it had left scars that could probably never be healed, so I didn't have the heart to scold her for her words.
"Mom?" Jamie spoke quietly. "You know that she didn't mean it, right? She's just upset."
"I wish that you're right," I whispered.
"She wants to meet Jordan too," Jamie continued. "We all love him, no matter what."
"Thank you, Jamie," I sniffed. "I promise – things will get better soon."
"I know. He's meeting you today," Jamie said and started to smile. "Did you tell Jasmine already?"
I smiled. I had called my oldest daughter right after ending the call with Jordan.
"I did. She was so excited," I said with a smile.
"She's the only one who remembers playing with him," Jamie said, and she had a hint of jealousy in her voice. "I don't remember anything about him. Neither does Joy."
"I know honey," I said in sadness. "But thanks to Blake, Jordan is getting much better."
Jamie nodded, but then she hesitated for a moment. "I don't remember Blake either. You never told us that he was coming to stay with us," she said.
"It was a really hasty decision – he needed a place to stay so I let him in. And then he turned out to be really good with Jordan, so I couldn't let him leave," I explained.
"How did that even happen? You never told us how they met," Jamie asked.
"I didn't?" I frowned. "Blake didn't know that Jordan's room was off-limits, so he walked right in and saw him. Jordan fainted, and couldn't even remember that it happened," I spoke, just like I had rehearsed.
"You told us that, but you never told us what happened after that," Jamie said.
I felt really bad about lying to my family about how Blake really ended up in our home. I didn't want to scare the girls, and I knew John would never allow Blake to stay if he knew that he was actually a criminal.
"Well, they met again, and Jordan didn't faint that time," I spoke.
"How did they meet again?" Jamie asked innocently.
"Blake didn't know about Jordan's condition, so he went there to apologize the next morning," I said, hoping Jamie would stop with her questions – I wasn't good at lying and if she started asking more specific questions...
"Oh, okay," she said cheerily, and I nearly sighed in relief. "What are you going to wear? Something nice?"
"Something nice indeed – gosh, I'm so nervous... I wasn't this nervous when I had my first date with your father," I said and turned to look at my not-so-impressive wardrobe.
"I don't think he cares about what you are wearing. He's going to see his mom, not a stylist," Jamie said reassuringly.
"Thank you, honey," I smiled at her.
"I can't imagine how lonely he must've been. Growing up without his family, even though we are right here..." Jamie spoke quietly. "He must've been scared."
"He's getting better now," I said with a smile. "One day he will come down and be with us."
"I can't wait," Jamie said. "I want to take him to the barn, to see Riddick. Do you think he'll like horses?"
Riddick was a pony that belonged to one of Jamie's friends. Jamie couldn't go an hour without talking about that pony. I felt really bad for not being able to buy her a pony of her own. She truly deserved one – she had good grades, and she worked hard to save money so she could one day buy a horse of her own.
Everything would be so much easier if we could just sell the house. But that wasn't an option as long as Jordan couldn't come out of his room.
"He told me he'd love to meet Riddick," I told Jamie.
"I know," she smiled. "You should wear that purple blouse," she added and pointed at my best shirt. It wasn't anything fancy, it just happened to be the newest piece of cloth I had.
"I think you're right," I said with a smile and took the blouse from the shelf.
"This is so exciting," Jamie smiled. "I really want to meet him soon!"
I gave her a smile, hiding the fact that I almost couldn't stand it when my daughters spoke about meeting Jordan. It broke my heart every time they asked when they could meet their brother. It was like they had never met him. And in a way, they never had – Jasmine, who was eight at the time when Jordan's accident happened, was the only one who had at least a few memories of him.
"You will, sweetheart," I said, and hid my sad smile from her, "You will."