Today is Monday and I don't have enough courage to face Kevin yet, so I'm calling in sick. I know Ed will go berserk over me and most probably he will be here, after college.
I sit down on the couch in the living room with chicken steak and Camembert Cheese.
When did I start eating cheese and that too Camembert? I'm so messed up. I am angry at him but I want to see him again. Last weekend kept playing on repeat in my head. I just couldn't get over his touch. The way we touched each other like two thirsty souls. I can still feel the presence of his lips on mine. My breathing speeds up and I quickly switch on the TV and for an hour, I keep flipping through channels without even paying attention to it. Finally, I settle on Discovery Channel.
After trying for a long to concentrate on whatever shit going on the screen, I groan in frustration. The moment I rested my head back on the couch and closed my eyes, I drift back to my memories. My memories are like drugs, when nothing works, they work. They keep in a leash of my reality. I don't deserve her.
Flashback
"Wear this" The person whom I called my AUNT for 14 years orders me to wear a black skimpy outfit.
It barely covers my body, my back is just held by a mere crisscross thread and my nipples are jutting out and my vagina is covered with a piece of net.
She braids my hair and it reminds me of good times when this same person used to oil my hair with Mom oiling hers.
She calls her other two friends.
I stand numb at my spot and soon they all strip in front of me. I close my eyes at reflex because I can't see a naked body, it's just my habit.
First I was perplexed, why am I wearing this skimpy outfit and they are naked? And what else is going to happen? And what these pieces of equipment are for?
My unasked questions were answered when they made me watch the Dominant and Submissive relationships but in the video, the Dominant was a man and the submissive was a woman or vice versa. Then they showed me a woman-woman relationship. I knew they are called lesbians but I'm not interested in girls.
"I'm not gay. I can't do this, please. I'm of no use because I'm not interested in girls or women" I tried to explain them but they only laughed like evils.
"This is called BDSM and you're our pet so we want you to play the role of Dominatrix and we will be your submissive. You'll call us all humiliating names like bitch, slut, whore, etc., and just do as we say" she explained but I was still clueless.
I stand there in fear of what's coming next and am now used to it.
*****************************
I open my eyes with a long breath and my damp eyes met the dark blue one.
"What- when-?"
"Calm down" I flinch back before he could touch me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Kevin says sincerely and this Kevin is similar to the Kevin before our mistake, with the same intense expression and lots of questions.
"For how long you've been sitting here?" I ask somewhat afraid if he might have witnessed something.
"23 minutes 16 seconds" He replies, searching for my eyes. I looked on his left cheek to avoid eye contact.
"And that's not creepy at all," I remark, still hurt over his last words from that night.
"Why did you miss your classes today?" He ignores my snide remark and I notice he just loves asking me questions.
"Why do you care?"
"You have missed 4 months of your attendance. You don't YB now, do you?"He goads me further.
"My attendance should not concern you" I bite back harshly.
"I cannot help but observe that you look angry but you don't have any reason to, right?" He smirks, leaning back with his palms supporting him.
I stare at his splayed palms and bulging muscles before clearing my throat.
"How ignorant you can be?"
Is he serious? He is asking me why? Shouldn't he know what's going on in my mind or does it matter to him at all?
"You don't know why?" I blurt out, hurt by his question.
"How would I know? Last I saw you, you told me how good I feel" He feigns innocence "Oops! I meant, how good I look"
So, this is what it is. My words are coming back to bite my ass.
"You're right, nothing happened." I nod.
"Then I take you are coming tomorrow?" He is acting all friendly as if what happened was just my imagination and he is not at all affected. Did he go back to Victoria?
"Why do you want me to come tomorrow?"
"Just because" He shrugs carefree. And that's what he is, a carefree soul. I can't drag him to my darkness. That cage is only for me. Not for him.Not for this happy soul. My past has made me weak but if one thing I am strong at is, taking as much hurt is thrown my way.
"I will"
"Good" He nods and notices the cheese in my hand "Are we good?" He asks hesitantly.
"Why, yes" I smile, relieved that we can be back to being friends but I still want to know if he went back to Victoria.
He takes the cheese from my grasp with a cheeky wink carelessly thrown my way and my heartbreak a little more. The more I am around him and the more he behaves his free self, the more I am sure he is not safe with me.
"I'll be leaving now. I have dinner night with Victoria" He says and I guess, that answers my question. He went back to her.
"Enjoy your date" Pathetic, still looking for any assurance.
He gives me tight-lipped smile and forms a fist as if refraining from saying and doing something.
"You don't like her" He states and I look at him like he is speaking some bullshit.
"Don't like her?" I snort "I hate her. I hate her with a burning passion" I hiss angrily and he looks taken aback. And why not? I am speaking about his little girlfriend.
I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I fucking hate her.
"Why?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I spit through clenched teeth, hardly controlling myself.
Kevin looks at me as if I have lost it and he might be right.
"Alexia! Your sister is on phone" Rohn's voice saves me from answering him any further.
"I'll see you tomorrow" Saying this I move in the direction of Rohn's voice to escape from his scrutinizing eyes.
"Hello" Xaiyla greets me from another side.
"I miss you" I miss her but I know action speaks louder than words and my actions are nothing to be spoken on.
"You don't" She claims with not an iota of doubt and it hurts the most.
"I am sorry" I can only apologize.
"I'm coming this weekend" She can't.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why? I miss you, you miss me and that's enough reason to meet and I'm coming. We are gonna enjoy this weekend. We will go shopping, spa, movie, club and many more places" She rants in one breathe and I realize this was not a monthly check-up call. She has come prepared.
"Sure thing. How's modeling treating you?"
"As usual on top", She replies nonchalantly. I can tell she is shrugging now.
"OK, Miss Supermodel, any boyfriend?"
"Noooooooooo. Xander and Alex shoo all the boys away. You know how it is" she whines and I know how our brothers are.
"But Alex sleeps with every walking Vagina" He is a playboy and I'm not at all proud of him whereas Xander is a workaholic, both are bachelors.
We talked for some more before I hang on her to call my therapist.
"Good Evening, Alexia"
"Evening, Dr. Phil"
"Tell me what happened?" She sounds worried. For all the right reasons. I call her only to request a session.
"I'm fine but my sister is coming this weekend and I don't know how to handle her. You know I can't let any girl near me or let them touch me or let on live with me alone in a room. I will hurt her" I tell her the truth because she is the only one who can help me. The only person who knows every dirty detail of my past and I told her because she is legally bounded to keep my information confidential.
"Tell her the truth" She always sings one tune.
"You know I can't" Me too.
"I'll parcel you a new batch of medicines" She knows better than to argue with me on this and this is the only reason I don't leave her.
"How many days will it take?"
"4 working days" My shoulders drop in relief.
"Thanks"
"Always, Alexia" Guilt is evident in her voice.
7 years. It's been 7 years since I haven't touched any girl and neither allowed them to touch me. Not even my mom or sister. I always find ways to avoid such situations and wear covered clothes but this time, she is coming here. It means she'll meet my friends and they will notice my behavior. Ed, Nich, and Pastry are suspicious but now Kevin would also notice my change when I won't touch even my sister. This is so sick.
I can't touch my twin sister without a panic attack. Can I get more messed up?
And tomorrow I have to face Victoria from close because of Kevin.
Lucky me.
KEVIN EMERSON
Since morning something was missing but when I saw her sitting on the couch, eyes closed, I knew what was missing. It was her. I was missing her.
The moment we had at weekend was the best one of my life but I don't want her to distance herself from me, so I decided to act as if nothing happened. I am not losing her as my friend. I need her to be close to having her where I want her to be. It's just a small setback in the bigger picture of my plan.
.Nonetheless, I'm angry right now. How dare she smile when I mentioned Victoria? She was supposed to seeth in anger but she calmed down pretty fast. Every time I try to figure her out, she creates havoc inside me. Here, I still cannot help myself but think of her lips, her kisses, her seductive voice, her feel in my hand. God! The way her body arched in ecstasy, pushing her tits in my face when she came undone on my crotch. I want to kiss her again, now, more than just kiss her. I groan lowly in my chest.
"-----------Alexia and we were best friends" This catches my attention. I shift discreetly to adjust my boner.
She fucking makes me hard in public. Pure evil and poor table manners when you are sitting with another woman in a restaurant.
"What?" I ask before clearing my throat.
Best friends? Victoria and Xia were best friends?
"I hate her. I hate her with a burning passion" Xia's voice rings in my ear like a recorder. Her voice, her anger, her pain, and her hatred. Undiluted hatred.
"More than best friends. We were like sisters" Victoria says smiling as if reminiscing her old times with Xia.
"But she hates you" I supply her this piece of information, in case she forgot it.
"Hate? Hate is not even close to what she feels for me. She'll burn me alive if she gets any chance" She laughs humourlessly, eyes watering.
"Her parents, Uncle Xavier and Aunt Kathy are friends with my parents. I'm younger than Alexia by one year. She always treated me like her little sister. She protected me from everything, since my birth. We used to share everything, chocolates, candies, dolls, problems, happiness, and sorrows. 'Attached by hip', Aunt Kathy used to say every time she found us together doing some mischief" She smiles earnestly and leans close as if about to share a secret, I lean, interested "She is beautiful, she has always been this beautiful girl everyone adored. She attracts everyone with her beauty and innocence but I never felt jealous of her, she was my sister. There was this incident when we were in 6th standard, she gave me her homework and endure punishment for me and like a coward, I let her. I have failed her many times but our dynamic was still strong. However, everything changed when she was kidnapped-"
"Wait! Back up. Did you just say she was kidnapped?" I ask just to make sure my brain is not playing games with me.
"Yes. When we were 14, we went to Miami for the holidays. Her parents tried their best but failed every time. After 3 months we found her body in front of her parent's door. Dressed in white clothes, drenched in blood" Victoria wipes her tears, "She was almost dead, Kevin. Her body was covered with wounds, bruise marks, and many injuries but the vital injuries were internal. Her internal injury led her to the path of death but miraculously she was saved by the best doctors in the world. When she gained consciousness her parents and cops tried to ask her questions, who kidnapped her? Where was she? What happened? And many more questions but unfortunately she has lost her memories of that particular period. The doctor said it's normal for small children to forget the certain periods of memories that gave them immense pain. She lost 3 months of her memory and that changed her completely. Everything changed. After months of silence on her part, she asked to get admission to a new school, out of state. She left us. She wanted to live alone and the doctor also suggested the same. So her parents allowed for her happiness. During that time, she didn't speak to me and when she returned after 4 years, she started bullying me, I had lost my friend. I never understood why was she behaving like that but one thing was clear, she was changed and I was no more her sister. During college, I intentionally took admission in Kings Valley to stay close to Alexia but that didn't help my case, at all. She continued with her strange behavior and after her second year of college, she ignored me like a plague. She freaking hates me but I want my friend back. I want our bond back. I want to know what changed her" I tuned her out, running my hands over my hair and grip it tight to relieve some tension. I feel my body vibrating with anger. To destroy whoever hurt her to the point but the pull to stand at her side and protect is much stronger.
I paid the bill and look at Victoria. I don't like her, just tolerated her enough to release sexual tension but that tolerance broke when she interrupted my almost first kiss with her drama. She messaged me to talk about Xia and I agreed. I needed answers and now that I have them, I don't know what to do with them.
Since the beginning I knew something has been haunting her and today when she was thinking deeply, my suspicions were confirmed when she opened her eyes which were damp with unshed tears. My heart shrinks every time I remember her those teary eyes. She tries to act strong and smiles all the time but she can't fool me.
I see her.
I doubt her memory loss story, and I don't believe a doctor will suggest leaving a patient alone after she suffered from a terrible incident.
Who did that to her? To a 14 year child? Who hit her like a wild animal? Who tried to kill her?
I will turn every stone to know the truth but before that, I have to see her right now. Even from afar but I have to make sure that girl is fine.