It's late, Avery is probably talking Lauren's ear off. I can't face them right now, I ran straight to my room as soon as I saw them in the living room.
I'm lying down just aimlessly staring at my ceiling. I hear Avery come in and a thump. I watch as she tosses a book on the floor and takes out a pair of new pajamas from her shopping bag.
She turns to me with a smile, "So, how did the date go? Any juicy details?"
"It didn't..." I sigh to her.
"What do you mean?" She questions and sits on the edge of my bed.
"I screwed it up. It was me. All me."
We both stay silent and I'm not sure if I should tell her everything. I can only imagine the shock and horror that will come to her face when I tell her I might like Sawyer. I would lose the respect I just earned.
I wish I could talk to someone. My mom would know what to do.
"Were you crying?" She looks at my face. "You were."
"No, it's nothing."
"Joseph pulled something didn't he? He's holding your hand and the next minute it's not your hand he's holding..." Her eyes are fiery, blazing. "Guys are ...they can be such..."
"It's not like that." I stop her before she starts ranting about guys.
"Look, if he pulls that crap, you know you can tell me. I've had a few of those kinds of incidents with guys." She rolls her eyes.
"Jospeh was fine."
"You sure?" She eyes me.
"The only thing he did was kiss me. I just froze." I sigh out, embarrassed.
"Ohhh. First kiss?" She asks and settles into my bed.
"No..." I roll my eyes with a huff. "Yes."
"So? It's just your first kiss. Not a big deal." She shrugs. "I'm guessing since you froze up he thought you weren't into him. It happens. He should have expected that from you." She says and I glare at her.
"All you have to do is tell him you were surprised and nervous. And ask him out. Try again."
I don't think I want to try again...
I grab a blanket and my sweats and big t-shirt.
"I just need to be alone. You're getting the room all to yourself." I tell her.
"What?" She sits up, slightly confused.
"I'm just gonna sleep in the next room. Since Daniel is gone. I'm not good company right now." I can see the hurt in her eyes. I've been doing that lately.
When I'm at the door I turn to her, "Thank you for listening. For backing me up, I appreciate it." She slightly smiles, nods and I walk out of the room.
I regret not staying with Avery. I'm all alone curled up in bed and silently crying about how horrible my life is. And then I hate myself for being sad and pitying.
All I have is a hurt Jospeh, a pissed of Sawyer and a rebuffed Avery.
I wish I can go home. If I had the guts I would be packing my bags right now and leave before I make things worse. I hate myself for being so weak and all I can do is cry about it. The only good thing that comes from crying is the exhaustion and sleep that follows.
A tap on the door wakes me up. I squint trying to find the lamp on the side table, but remember I changed rooms.
"Opal? It's me." There's a pause and he adds, "Sawyer." There's no way I can mistake his deep rumble for anyone else. Just like I can't mistake the little part of me that is perking up like an eager puppy. To rush to the door to see what he wants.
How could I have been so blind? It's so obvious. It's sad and pathetic.
I close my eyes and pull the covers over my head, ignoring him.
"Opal." I hear the floor boards creak. "I need to talk to you."
I don't answer.
Another creak but this time it's the squeak of the door opening. I shoot up in bed as he slips into the room.
"Hey!" I say, "Get out. You can't just barge in here."
"Sorry." He mumbles. He moves into the moonlight on purpose. He wants me to see his eyes burning with fever. His skin pink, his hair drenched in sweat. He wants me to run to him and ask if he's okay. To leap out of bed and help him. Just like the last time.
I look at him and lie back down.
He steps forward, "Opal..."
"What?"
"It's happening, again."
What exactly is happening again? He won't tell me.
"I see that." I sit up and swing my legs out of bed and stand. I hear Sawyer breath a sigh of relief and I walk to the window.
"While Jospeh and I were walking, I saw a path and I know there should be a clearing there. So if you need to be alone, there should be good."
Panic ignites his eyes. After how he treated me today I should tell him get out, leave. But I don't, can't and it takes everything in me to climb back into bed.
"Opal..."
"What?"
He scratches the back of his neck and his arms. He glances at me and the look in his eyes tells me he's miserable. I clench my jaw shut, stopping myself from telling him I'll go.
"What?" I quickly say.
"I..." He swallows, licking his lips and he tries again. "I..." He stops again. Even him trying to ask me is too much. He never really had to.
"I...need." He swallows again. "I want...For fucks sake, will you come with me?"
I glare at him. "How can you ask me that?" You curse me out, make me feel like everything is my fault."
....sometimes it is, but still.
His eyes widen from my sudden burst. "That was not my intention." He pushes his sweaty hair up. "If I hurt..."
"How can you not hurt me? This morning after the mall. I thought you'd be there to help. But all you did was make me feel worse than I already did. And again tonight with Jospeh. You acted like it was my fault. You could clearly see how upset I was, how bad I felt." I take a deep breath. "I thought you showing me glimpses of your past...I thought we were friends."
"We are."
"Nope." I meet his gaze. "Clearly we aren't."
The look on his face, miserableness, anger, and confusion. It makes me feel awful, but only makes me angrier. He has no right coming in here expecting help then making me feel guilty for refusing.
"Opal.... fuck...please." His breathing is shallow, he rubs his hands over his throat. I can see his veins popping out. And the sweat beads dripping from bis forehead. "It's getting worse." He says.
"Then you should go. I don't want to catch a fever." I tell him with a shrug.
"Opal..." He swallows hard and looks at me. The fever making the edges of his eyes red and he closes them before he looks back at me, "Please."
It's not the 'please' that does it but the absolute panic in his eyes. He's terrified, and I am to. I don't know what is happening to him.
Ugh. I can't send him like that, alone and vulnerable. I quickly put my shoes on and grab a flashlight and my jacket.
"Thank y..." he begins to say but he doesn't finish because I push pass him so hard that he stumbles back.
"Whatever."
We hide in the shadows just in case someone catches us from their window. Once we reach the path Sawyer walks beside me and I feel him glancing at me, with a dejected look. Why do I feel so guilty?
I want us to go back to the way things were. But when Sawyer looks at me all I'm reminded of is that look he gave me when I told him Jospeh thought I liked him. The look of horror that crossed Sawyers face shuts down my impulse to make up with Sawyer.
"You want to talk about what happened at the mall?"
I don't answer him.
"We should talk." He says and I shake my head. We make our way through the trees and long branches. I try staying behind to let Sawyer lead the way but he stays right by my side.
"Look, about the whole chewing you out thing..."
"It's fine." I cut him off.
"Maybe you can do things on your own, and I need to learn to trust you."
I turn to him, "Just stop, don't do this Sawyer."
"Do what?"
"You feel obligated to be nice to me just because I'm coming with you."
He scratches really hard on his arm, "That's not."
"Yes it is." I sigh out. "Now hurry so you don't vomit everywhere."
He continues to scratch until he makes himself bleed.
"I just want to..."
I catch his hand. "You're making yourself bleed." He stares down at my hand, struggling to focus.
"Oh."
"Come on." I let go and turn away from the path and into the opening I remember seeing.
"I heard what Lauren said to you this morning...about me."
"I figured you did. She was talking loud." I say softer and try to find the anger again.
"She has a point. I'm..."
"You're fine." I cut him off again. "Girls are idiots." I snap. Great, my anger is uncontrollable. "She's wrong. We all know that. Just drop it."
"When I blew up at you about the mall. I didn't mean to. I'm just so fucking frustrated."
"Please." I cut him off again. "Just stop, okay?"
He stops only for about five paces. "I'm frustrated with the situation. Being stuck here. This fucking fever I keep getting which makes it worse."
I glance up at him. He watches me, studying every inch of my face. I'm not going to cut him any slack for these excuses. If I do he'll just vent on me whenever he wants.
"Opal?"
I stop at the edge of the small clearing and wave my flash light around. "Is this okay?"
He says nothing and when I turn to look at him he's frozen. He starring into the forrest.
"Did you hear that?" He questions.
"What?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing I guess...My ears are ringing."
He steps beside me and looks around, "Good enough." He shrugs. "It's bloody hot." He complains and strips off his shirt and throws it on the ground. While he's burning up I'm freezing. He glances at me, "You can sit there."
I nod and sit.
"Remember the first time you found me screaming in the forrest. And we accidentally went to a different time zone. You didn't freak out like I thought you would. It was a fun little adventure. We should do that again."
I sigh. "You aren't going to quit, are you? You think if you just say the right thing, it will all just be okay?"
His lips twitch into a smile, "I can hope, can't I?"
"Sure. And if it works? What does that make me? Your punching bag? You get to treat me any way you want and as soon as you decide to play nice all is forgiven?"
"I am sorry, Opal."
"For now." I turn away from him. "Forget it okay? Let's just..."
He catches my elbow, his skin burns even through my jacket. "I mean it. I'm really sorry. When I get angry like that it..." he stops his breathing labored.
I can hear low moans coming from his chest and he crouches forward wincing in pain.
"Sawyer?" I reach forward, my hand about to touch his back but he snaps his head to me.
"Don't touch me, remember."
And I fling my hand back. He moves further away from me and I hear him vomit and then a thud. I flash my light and see him breathing hard on the floor.
I sit there quietly as Sawyer lies in pain.
I slowly get up and walk over to him.
"Sawyer?" I whisper and bend lower. "Sawyer."
"I know you're not afraid of me. But I think I want you to be. I'm trying to scare you off."
"Oh Jesus." I jump. I wasn't expecting him to continue the conversation or talk at all.
Sawyer goes into fetal position and he yells in pain. He gets on all fours and throws up.
I look away, I can't stand when people are in pain. I feel hopeless.
He falls hard to the ground, coughing and then he's quiet.
I lift Sawyer up and help him move to a tree so he can lean against it and I sit beside him. Sawyer gives a deep moan that makes me move closer to him.
"It's going to be okay." I rub his back. He shudders with my touch and he lifts his head and turns to look at me.
"Thank you." He whispers, still in pain.
The next day I wake up in Whits back yard. I look around for Sawyer but I don't see him.
Sawyer has to stop sending me to random time zones.
It's getting dark and I hear the back door opening and then I see me running into the woods. I hide behind the closest tree and watch me run.
I remember this day, it's the day we ran.
A few minuets later I see Daniel and Avery arguing and rushing into the forrest. While I'm being nosy and spying on their tree house.
I rush inside and hide in my closet. I know I'll be running back to pack my things to follow Avery and Daniel.
I leave a crack open so I can watch everything play out and I hear thumps coming back upstairs. I see myself packing and then I catch movement by the window and see Sawyer stealthy climbing in.
I see myself arguing with Sawyer and I cringe at how I sound. Sawyer looks worried and slightly annoyed from this angle but I can care less as I pack away.
I then hear my uncle calling from downstairs and Sawyer climbing back out my window. I give him a mischievous look as I swing my bedroom door open and run to my uncle. A stupid move. I should have listened to Sawyer.
Sawyer curses and jumps back in. He races down the stairs and I leave the closet and slowly climb down the stairs. I have perfect view of the living room front the top of the stairs, out of view. I see myself running out and Sawyer is down the last step.
"Sawyer. You're making a huge mistake." Whit tells him and Sawyer looks like he's ready to fight.
"You ruined my life. Fuck you." Sawyer spits.
Whit angrily lunges at Sawyer and I see a syringe needle. It punctures through Sawyers arm and Whit presses the needle down, injecting him with something.
Sawyers eyes widen.
"What the hell did you do?"
"You won't live. You'll die in the forrest." Whit says and Sawyer staggers for a bit but eventually gains his footing. "You'll be in so much pain, and I'm the only one who can cure you."
"No! What did you do?" I yell but Sawyer is out the door and Whit turns to look at me confused but black engulfs me and I'm back in the clearing.
Sawyer watches me and I look up at him.
"No. Take me back. What was that? What did Whit do?" I ask. I take Sawyers arm and see a small bruise covered in dry blood.
"I feel it in me. Every second of every day." Sawyer whispers.
"What. Was. That." I say through gritted teeth, trying not to cry.
"He injected me with an unknown disease."
"No. It's Whit. He wouldn't do that." I croak.
"I'm sick, Opal." He says and I fall to my knees.
I cry. I can't believe my uncle would do something like this. Inject Sawyer with something lethal and not care that he might die.
"No. No. You're not sick. He said you wouldn't live past the forrest. Look at you. You're alive." I say. I need that small light of hope that he'll be okay.
Sawyer is already shaking his head.
"Look at me!" Sawyer yells. And I flinch at how angry he sounds. "I'm dying!" He continues. "And there's nothing anyone can do." He mutters the last part.
"Is it contagious?" I question and he shrugs. He doesn't know and he's putting everyone at risk, including me.
"I'm leaving, Opal." He says after a few moments of silence. "And I'm not coming back. I just wanted to make sure you guys got away safe."
I stand there and watch as he puts his shirt back on and then my blood boils.
"You're a selfish bastard you know that?" I point at him, "You don't care about anything or what anybody thinks."
"Is that what you think?" Sawyer snaps.
"Yes it is." I angrily spit.
"Well this selfish bastard is leaving."
"Come on, you're not serious?" I ask.
"I am serious."
We glare at each other for a long time and I step away from him.
"No one is better off if you leave." I whisper.
"Yeah." He mumbles, unconvinced.
"Jospeh needs you."
He nods and stares into the forrest.
I need you. Of course I don't tell him that. I mean how could I? There's no possible way without it sounding weird. But I feel it. My heart hammers against my ribs. It's not some romantic I can't live with out you nonsense. It's something deeper, more desperate.
I imagine Sawyer leaving. The ground seems to slide under my feet. I need something to hold onto, something solid and real, especially when everything around me is changing so fast.
I did think that everything would be easier if Sawyer wasn't here, but him being here every step of the way, helping me strive to do better instead of hiding like the scared girl I am.
When he turns away, I know he catches my expression. No matter how fast I try to cover it, I know he saw it. He looks at me, the way he looks at me...
Panic. I feel panic. I want to be anywhere but here. Far far away.
I tare my gaze away from him and open my mouth to say something, but Sawyer beats me.
"I'm not going anywhere, Opal." He rubs the back of his neck, scowling. He's having an internal debate.
"Who knows?" I question, referring to his...sickness.
"Just you." He says before scowling. "And it's going to stay that way." He threatens and I back away.
"I don't think..." I begin but he cuts me off.
"It stays that way." He says, his eyes cold. I just nod.
———————————————————————
Hii :p
Today was my first day of school 😭 no more freedom!
I hope you enjoy this chapter ❤️
Have you guys started school yet???