Chapter 2: HER
Chris and I have known each other 12 years; dated 4 of those years, was engaged for 2 of those years, and married 6 of those years. I remember the day he proposed to me. It was my birthday and he and my close friends gave me a surprise birthday party. I turned 23 and everyone was there; his family, my family, close friends, and old friends.
I almost didn’t marry him because I was so scared of losing him once we were married. Like I said before marriage is/was something to fear in my family. Marriage is like death to the Johnson’s. Plus Chris and I had been through so much already. I didn’t know how much more we could take. To top it off I was pregnant at the time. The day of my birthday I found out I was pregnant. To say I was shocked is a bit of an understatement.
Chris called me right after I had talked to the doctor.
“Baby can you come get me from my brothers house. My car acting up again.”
Christopher was staying with his older brother Vincent and his family for a while. Chris didn’t have any family besides his brothers Vincent and Kevin because he was in and out of foster homes. He had/has some abandonment issues.
I didn’t know a party would be waiting for me at his brother house. His brother’s wife opened the door and next thing I know, 30 people are screaming surprise at me. It was the best gift he could have ever given me. I forgot about being pregnant for a while. I had no idea what I was going to do with a baby. Chris was just starting law school and had three years there in head of him. He didn’t have a real job either. I was in and out of jobs while debating if I want to attend grad school. Eventually I did end up at law school but back then I was done with school, it takes a lot out of a person. How were we going to raise a baby at that age and with other commitments? I always knew Chris would be there for me though. He made sure I knew that. It still was scary and surreal.
I had opened all of my gifts and Chris comes up to me and says, “You have one more gift.”
He smiled that beautiful smile at me, it could melt my heart. Everyone already knew what was going down, so they circled around us. I was eating cake and had no clue what was going on. At the same time Chris got on one knee while my best friend Marie removed the plate from my hand.
“Christopher what are you doing?”
In the back of my mind I knew what was about to happen. I remembered telling my self, 'just say yes'.
“Shanay Anya Johnson you are my better half. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me.”
I looked at him for what had to be five minutes. It was less than that but it felt like forever. I was so afraid to say yes. My body and heart were screaming yes but my mind just wouldn’t allow it. My head was thinking everything through.
When the first tear drop I excused myself and went to the kitchen. Chris followed me to the kitchen and he was so angry. His brows went in and his fists were clutched. He would never hit me but he wore his mood on his sleeves.
“What the hell was that,” he said softly. He didn’t get loud even though I knew he was angry. All I could do was cry. “Shay?” His voice told me everything. “You still love him don’t you?”
“What?”
The only person I was in love with was him. I couldn’t live without him but marriage scared the hell out of. I looked at marriage as a loss of one’s self. Losing who I am is like death. Marriage was death to me. I had commitment issues.
“Your ex boyfriend.” his voice got louder. “He told me you would do this.” I step towards him but he steps back. “Shay I gave you everything and I told you to be honest with me. I can’t believe I loved you.”
I didn’t get a word out. He stormed out of the kitchen and out of the house. I couldn’t go back out and face all those people, so I slipped out the back door.
I wouldn’t change that day for the life of me because it brought us closer. We ended up married. It may have taken some time for me to say yes to his proposal but we made it happen. Even with the way things turned out I would not take back the events that lead us here. The happiest I’ve ever been is with Chris. I’m not sure he’s that happy with me anymore. That’s completely understandable though.