Chapter 10: Him

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Chapter 10: Him

I had never heard the story about the day Kingston died until today. That day was the scariest day of my life. I thought the worse. I thought my wife had been raped or worse. Shay had told the officers all she knew but she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I left well enough alone. I wish I had pushed it more though.

“If you came to the office that day for me to make you feel better than why didn’t you tell me the story?” I asked her while we stood beside my truck.

“Repeating the story makes it hurt more,” she informed me.

“You’re a great profiler. People make mistakes. So what you missed one detail that doesn’t make you bad at what you do.”

This woman in front of me had talk about joining the FBI for as long as I’ve known her. Now she was the best in the field. This is what she was born to do. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to quiet.

“After we lost Renee I had been screwing up all the profile. I wasn’t me anymore. I watched Kingston died in front of me and I don’t want to keep putting myself in that position.”

She never mentioned Renee or our son. She acted like what happened to them didn’t happen.

“So what do you want to do?” I asked her.

“Let me show you.” I gave her a hard look. “Let me drive.”

I tossed her the car keys without thinking then got in the passenger side. We drove in silence. The radio played and she would sing here and then but other than that it was an awkward drive to Baltimore. I didn’t even know that’s where we were heading until I saw the signs on the beltway.

She pulled up to a vacant lot in front of an old warehouse.

She led me inside the warehouse that looked like it was going under renovations. We walked down the steps to the inside. She gave me a tour of the place. It wasn’t that big but it was big enough for a party of 200. There was a second floor balcony and a bar in the center.

“What is this?” I asked.

“I want to open a bar.”

It wasn’t the craziest thing I heard but it was still a little crazy for her. A bar, what would she do with a bar? Why a bar?

“You think I’m crazy…”

“Well…what are you going to do with a bar?”

“I know it’s crazy but I have a vision to open a bar.” I gave her a worried look. “Marie is manly in charge but I’m decorating the place. We sort of have a day but we’re not sure. Mary is planning the events. It started out as something to make me feel better but then we all started to get serious about it. It did take my mind off things too.”

If this is what she really wanted to do than I was fine with it. If it made her feel better I was more fine with it.

“I am going back to the BAU though I’m just cutting my hours in half. I’m not working that much.”

“Whatever you want to do go for it. I’m here for you.”

It might have been a crazy idea but my wife is a very determined person. When she wanted something she went for. I love that about her.

She showed me the layout of what they had planned for the bar. All they needed was a name and she was hitting around Queen BEE.

After about an hour and a half we headed back to our home. I’m not even sure if it’s ours anymore. I would still like it to be. We were making progress. In one day, we had said more words to each other than the last 6 or so months. I didn’t want the conversation to stop but Shay wanted to get home.

As soon as we walked through the door she went straight to what use to be and still could be our bedroom. I went to the living room and started a fire. I opened a book and sat in front of the fire. I had read 6 pages when Shay pulled up a pillow next to me. She laid on her stomach with her feet up dancing in the air. She opened a book that looked very familiar.

Shay and I use to read in front of the fire all the time when we were happy. We both enjoy reading.

“You’ve read that book a million times,” I informed her.

It was the book I wrote three years ago called Guilty. It’s not a law book. It’s about my life and how I went for what I wanted. Shay was actually the one to tell me go for it. She encouraged me to write the book. Its on New York’s best sellers list and I made a lot of money for it. I saved it all for our child’s future. I wonder what I should do with the money now. Shay, with the help of her fellow coworkers have written a few text books about profiling.

“It never gets old,” Shay said. I was going to go back to my book when Shay added, “I know you think I’m crazy and I should go back to profiling but what if I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked her.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. If profiling was not making her happy then maybe she needed a change of career. I always told her she would be good as lawyer.

“Not a lawyer,” she laughed reading my mind. “I want to help people.” I raised my eyebrow. I was confused because she became a profiler to help people. Helping others was always in her blood.

“You want to be a therapist,” I joked.

“No more like a juvenile probation officer.” I was a little skeptical and I knew she sensed it. “I haven’t really figured all out yet,” she informed me.

“Mrs. Howard whatever you put your mind to you can do it,” before I realized what I said the words were already out of my mouth. Mrs. Howard was probably the wrong words to say. It was always a joke I use to say because she was with me she could never fail. “Sorry,” I added. She offered me a smile and then went back to my book.

“Do you still think we can work?” I asked. I felt like I had to give it one more try.

Shay closed the book and sat up Indian style. She stared me down for a while. “Today we actually talked and it kind of felt like normal but I just don’t know anymore.” She informed me.

She was just as lost as I was.

“Before you decide on divorce do 5 more sessions with me and then decide.”

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