🎶: 'Everything But Me' by Daughtry
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Every single day spent in your dorm room, every single moment you go to your classes, every second of being in this new place... it only reminds you more of him, making you think if doing this was a good idea or not.
You left his side three months ago. You talked to him every day but that was before... now, you don't as much. He's busy and well, you're busy too, studying your chosen course.
He got occupied with hunting down monsters and saving the world... though he couldn't save himself from losing his whole world. You slipped through his fingers.
Sam Winchester: Hunter, boyfriend, best friend, role model and an inspiration for you. He had everything you could ever want in a guy but times got tough and you had to go away.
"Sam I don't think living like this is a good option alright?!" You argued loudly and he rolled his eyes. "What do you mean? We've been doing this for years and it's not caused any problems!" He retaliated and you rubbed your forehead, "Hunting doesn't pay the bills but it helps one's conscience. Dean and I can't stop doing it."
"Then I guess I need to make a change-"
"Wait what?! What do you mean?" Sam yelled and you took a sharp breath. "I'm sorry Sam but I need to think about a future we could have... a future you keep telling me about with us being together, with a child," You replied, "We can't live off credit card scams and fraudulent identities forever! How do you think our future child, if we have one, would react to that?!"
You crossed your arms and sighed, "I have to go and work this out Sam-"
"No no no, we'll work it out here I promise. I'll get another job working at a café or something, you can do the same," He said a little panicky, "You don't have to go anywhere please."
You smiled sadly, "You and Dean worked before I was ever in your life and it was fine. I've been thinking about this for a while, I thought I'd go study at a community college and I'll come over when I have a holiday."
He shook his eyes, tears glistening while you bit your lip to stop your tears flowing out of your eyes.
"Sam I've never... I've never gone to college," You told him then cried out, "After mom and dad were killed I gave up on everything. I never went passed tenth grade."
Unexpectedly, he hugged you cozily and you cried into his chest.
But then he pulled away abruptly, something snapped in his mind.
Sam looked at you with rage boiling within him. "Sam?" You questioned but he pushed you back slightly.
"Go, if you want to so bad then just get out of here!" He yelled and you watched him with disbelief. What the hell happened to him?!
"You help us out so much [y/n]! We're doing fine with expenses, why do you have to ruin it all?!" He shouted and you clenched your jaw and fists with anger.
"Wow I thought you understood but I guess you're blind to the reality that you brothers need to get a grip on the way you're living!" You exclaimed, "YOU CAN'T SURVIVE ON FALSE IDENTITIES FOREVER!"
Sam shrugged the thought off. Thinking about you was getting to his head. The more time that went by, the more he remembered you, though you think he'd get used to you being away.
He got up from his seat in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand while he looked through all the rooms as he walked to the library. He sighed when he came to your bedroom. You had always slept with him but you kept your initial room (when you first came to stay) the same way, in case you needed some alone time to think or just chill out away from another person.
He looked inside, from one corner to the other, a few memories popping into his mind.
The recent conversation he had with you suddenly hit his thought process.
He nodded his head slowly, then walked into your room and took in a sharp breath. What a way to spend the afternoon doing something productive?
He began clearing the things he could see out in the open; frames with pictures, some artifacts from pawn shops that were kind of useless for you to take with you to college.
He put them all in a cardboard box he took out from the Bunker's garage. Dean had put old car parts in it but he wouldn't mind Sam using it right?
He looked through the wardrobe, nothing but old and over-worn shirts hung inside, along with a pair of pajamas and some dirty shoes. Sam put it all in the box, He knows you enough to know that you left those things behind for a reason.
Sam moved on to the dresser, looking through all the drawers to find them empty. You had taken everything with you.
He went to your bed side table and found a box with stuff from previous hunts. Souvenirs to remind you about what you've lived through and survived from. A nightmare to be reminded of but it keeps telling you about how strong you are.
Sam smiled slightly, looking through the receipts, wood chips, bullet shells, pictures and more.
"I can't get rid of this," He mumbled to himself and shut the box, deciding that he'll keep it in his bedroom.
Sniff! Sniff!
"Dusty," He furrowed his eyebrows and got up, sighing. Sam decided that he'd sweep your room, it hasn't been cleaned since you left and there's dust everywhere.
He moved the furniture around, to get the dust out from everywhere. To his surprise there was quite a lot of it in the room.
He seemed behind the bed and the dresser and-
Wait a minute.
Sam tilted his head slightly in confusion then bent down to have a closer look at what he spotted.
In a room with nothing messed up or on the ground, there was a folded up sheet of paper sitting under the dresser.
He picked it up and opened it after sitting on your bed. His heart started thumping rapidly in anticipation to what was written on it.
Part of him felt that it was something for him... at least it may be wishful thinking.
Dear Sam,
The young Winchester definitely had the right feeling. It was a letter for him written by... you? Sam could make out by the hand writing.
Dear Sam,
You're probably reading this a few days after I'm gone. I assume that you'd come into my room and stand there thinking about me, or at least glance inside. From knowing you in and out, I think I'm right. Hey, I can see that tiny smirk on your face right now.
Or maybe you're reading this a while later? The stuff in my room does tend to get misplaced. I will place this letter on my dresser.
Anyways that's not the point. Let me cut to the chase.
You inspire me, you intrigue me but most of all you believe in me, and that is something I admire about you. In times of pure calamity you never give up. You're the light that guides us through the dark cave of strife, something me and Dean have made our home.
You know I had to go away, you know that I needed some time to myself to think about our future and how we're going to spend it. You will never leave hunting and I don't want you to. You save lives, you're a hero... You're my knight in shining armour! But let's face the fact, the job doesn't pay the bills or pay anything. You don't get a cent and I think that this has given me the opportunity to spread my wings and go out and explore on my own.
I would love for you to come with me but remember what happened when Dean had gone to Purgatory? A shot at a normal life for you two at least doesn't work out.
Long distance relationships are hard and I know we'll grow distant, but promise me Samsquatch that you won't give up on me. Whether if I show it or not like how I do when being near you, know that I will always love you and only you. We're soulmates, I'd like to think of us like that. We should ask Cas about it...
This letter is going too long, you have work to do and I need to finish packing. Remember me in your heart and your soul and we will never be away from each other.
Honestly if I could give anything to not have this, I would do it but I feel that this is a good thing. I may come back a different person, a person that you would adore more. Maybe I'll end up being as inspiring and as intriguing as you are. Maybe you'll believe in me as much as I do in you.
I love you and I will never stop, Sammy.
Say hi to Deano and Cassie for me!
And always keep fighting, never let life put you down.
Love,
[y/n/n]
Sam looked away from the paper, taking a deep breath to digest what he just read. He couldn't believe this letter was hiding for months, collecting dust.
He ran a hand through his hair, while he skimmed through the letter once again, hearing you read it inside his head as if you were right next to him. He could visualize the expressions on your face when you were writing it, the small smile curling on your lips and the slight frown towards the end.
He chuckled suddenly, at a thought. Even though you weren't in the room, Sam couldn't help but say, "But you are inspiring and intriguing, you're the person I learnt it from."