🎶: 'Small Bump' by Ed Sheeran
😭😭😭
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The car ride home was extremely awkward and tense. If you weren't feeling the aame way he was, you would have wanted to jump out of the car.
You glanced at him, he bit his lip to stop himself from tearing up, and looked out the window, with a knuckles-turn-white grip on the steering wheel. You really wanted to comfort him but you didn't know how to. You felt like crap yourself, how are you supposed to help anyone?
He parked the car in the garage then abruptly turned the car ignition off. You swallowed hard after he suddenly got put of the car, without saying a word, and slammed the door. You winced at the noise, your eyes glistening with tears.
You wiped your eyes as you entered the house, placing your bag on the counter then taking your shoes off. You watched him take out the one bottle of whisky you owned and poured himself a glass. You both don't drink alcohol usually, maybe a beer or two, but you had the strong stuff for those times when you wanted to get drunk and leave the world behind.
He gulped down the glass then refilled it. You watched his every moment, consumed with disbelief. The worst you could think of was a drunk husband completely out of his wits, especially not at a time like this.
"Misha... Stop that," You mumbled, your throat feeling hoarse from speaking after a while. He leaned on the counter, hands clenched into fists. "Give me a moment sweetheart, p-please," He said shakily. You would have been frightened by him, due to the way he was looking at you and standing but his tone was just... Of melancholy and disappointment.
You walked to the counter and grabbed the whisky bottle, putting it back in its place, then kissed Misha on the cheek. "Don't stay by yourself too long okay?" You said softly, caressing his cheek.
He looked up to you, eyes moistened, and it broke your heart. "O-Okay..." He said, almost inaudible.
You climbed upstairs, stripping down to your underwear and not bothering to put anything on. You didn't care, it was just you and Misha in the house.
You fell onto the bed and cried into your pillow after covering yourself with the quilt. You've never felt this heartbroken in your life. It's literally taking everything away from you.
Everything was going perfect, or at least fine... But then this happened and it all spiraled into complete sorrow.
December 7th. You found out you were pregnant with your first child and you were beyond happy and excited. It had been three years with you and Misha being a couple, and a child was something you both always wanted... And it was finally happening.
But to crush that dream into incomprehensible fragments, you had a miscarriage, and it was completely unexpected.
You reached the 4 and a half month mark last week, when you started to have severe pains and discomfort, which wasn't normal at all. You grew on to have a high fever and eventually you and Misha thought it was best to consult a doctor.
You went through and completed many tests and the result concluded that your baby was gone. You both didn't believe it at first but after seeing the test results, it left you speechless. You never thought it would happen to you.
And this is the tragic news you just got today before driving back home from the doctor.
*****
3 hours later...
You didn't realise it but you had fallen asleep, your face stiff from the dried up flow of tears. You rubbed your face then put on a cardigan, then walked down stairs slowly.
The house was dark, you-
The living room was a mess. Books thrown around, furniture moved, even glass and artifacts thrown onto the ground.
"Oh Mish...", You mumbled and sighed, wondering how you slept through it all. You started picking up all the things on the floor and put them in their correct-
"H-Hey wait don't... I'll do it, I'm sorry I-I didn't know wh-what came over me," Misha walked towards you, a beer in his hand.
His hair was a mess, eyes puffy and red. He was crying continuosly while you were asleep.
"Sit down sweetheart, don't-"
"No Misha, this is too much to clean up on your own. You need... Help," You looked at him with pity and his head fell as he sighed.
You both worked together to clean the room up, but you couldn't get rid of the tension between you two. You just felt awkward around each other and the glances from time to time weren't making the atmosphere better.
He came across some broken frames next to the dining table and picked them up, running a hand through his hair. "O-Oh n-no, I broke... I broke these," He said, hands shaking and voice trembling. They were from your wedding day, then one was from a party you had to announce that you were having a baby.
You were about to walk towards him but he set the frames on the table and stormed out the front door, onto the porch.
You rubbed your forehead and frowned, then followed him out. He was sitting on the swing, face buried in his hands, leaned over. You went to him slowly then sat beside him.
"What's wrong honey?" You asked but he didn't answer. All you heard was his nose sniffing. "Please don't block me out Mish-"
"Hey, [y/n]!" You heard a voice call out and you looked to the sidewalk. One of the neighbors, a close friend named Sadie was having her evening walk, and she waved at you.
"How are you feeling?" She asked and you bit your lip. "I'm f-fine, can I call you in the morning?" You requested and she showed you a thumbs up, then jogged off.
You turned back to your crying husband and put a hand in his shoulder. "Mish, come on-"
"Please, let me have some time alone PLEASE," He said stiffly and you took your hand away, "That's all I'm asking for, at least for today."
You didn't say anything, he got up and walked into the house. You stared at the wooden porch floor, lost and confused. You wanted to help but he kept pushing you off. He doesn't talk to you or tell you how he feels exactly and that's just frustrating.
You can't take it anymore.
You got up, irritation starting to boil within you. You stormed into the house and slammed the door shut slightly to make your presence heard. Misha was standing by the fireplace, setting the mantel.
"Okay seriously, what's your deal?!" You crossed your arms and looked at home ithout any expressions, "I'm trying to help and you're just way too stubborn to answer, stuck in that whole 'oh life is not worth living anymore' hysterical phase, while I'm hear trying to get back to our normal routine."
"Oh my Lord, you don't get that it's not normal!" Misha exclaimed and took a step closer to you, "We lost our child, you don't seem to understand how big that is! Aren't you broken about it? Aren't you devastated at the fact that we won't have a baby in the house, that we were supposed to have in September?!"
You chose not to say anything thing.
"It's as if I'm the rational one of the two of us. At least try to understand how I'm feeling," He said in a rush and you blew with fury. You couldn't comprehend his words.
"Did you really just say that?" You stepped closer to him and started shaking your head with disbelief, "'Understand how YOU feel'?! I LOST THE F!@#ING BABY MISHA! I know how you feel but you can NEVER know how I feel. For f!@#s sake, think before you speak!"
You were way too angry at him. You turned away and went into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water. "You know what's the worst part?!" You looked at him with tears in your eyes, "I had reached a point where I could feel the baby inside me, moving around and... Living! But now, all of a sudden there's nothing there, it's just empty, and I'd expect to hear crying in the house because I don't have the baby anymore but do I hear that?"
You walked towards him after putting the glass down, "No, I don't... So DON'T SAY THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL because I'm crushed and completely out of my mind but life goes on, and we try again like every other freaking couple, OKAY?"
You looked at him with no sort of sympathy anymore, now that you poured out how you felt.
"I'm constantly in this state of guilt, thinking that it was all because of me... That I killed the baby and th-that I'm not fit to be a mom," You continued to yell at him, tears stinging your eyes, and grabbed his shirt tightly, "So now tell me, that I have not the faintest clue of how you feel!"
Your grip loosened and you rested your head on his chest, as you cried out loud. He wrapped his arms around you, sobbing too, "I'm... I'm so sorry sweetheart, I acted so selfish and ignorant."
You returned the embrace and took a deep breath, "I-I need you Mish, I don't want you to push me away right now, p-please."
He held your sides of your face with his hands, "I promise that whatever we go through I will always be there for you, by your side." He kissed you on the lips and you pulled him closer.
You moved away to catch your breath. You both looked at each other for a few moments. "We better clean this up," You sighed when you saw the mess that was still to fix.
You moved towards the couches but Misha grabbed you by your waist and pulled you to him. "We can do it later, let go out and relax a bit. I mean, you definitely need a break from life," He said and you smiled softly, then nodded.
You grabbed your jacket and you both walked under the starry sky, towards town to have a lovely night out... Just the two of you, and maybe... Your baby, watching from Heaven above.