Italic - inner monologue
bold - past
Chapter twenty-two - AGAIN
An hour later (April 5, 2009) - 11:55pm
"How does that feel?" Beyoncé was on the living room floor next to Justin kissing him on the chest. "Poor baby. You all scratched up. Looking like a leopard."
"Uhhh I think that would be a tiger. Leopards have dots." She broke out laughing. "Ahaha. At least last time I checked." She chuckled some more while rubbing her eyes. "Jesus, woman. You that tired? You look like you're feeling realllll good."
"Ha-ha. I am. Thanks to you." She reached over to grab a strawberry from off the tray from room service. "These are really sweet."
"They are. But not as sweet as you." She met his gaze, a smile forming upon her lips.
"You're so full of it."
"Ahaha. What? I'm being serious. You are sweet." She watched him in lean, pecking her on the lips. "Why do you think I can't get enough of you? Even when you make me angry. I still think about you."
"Hmm well don't think I'm stupid. I know what you're trying to do."
"Oh yeah? And what is that? I don't even know what I'm trying to do." He joked.
"You're trying to get back on my good side so I can move back in with you." He laughed pathetically.
"Really? You think that's what I'm doing? Why can't it be that I just miss you? Trust me, I'm not trying to get you to move back in. The NEXT time we move in together, things will be different."
"Like how?"
"You'll be married to me. You'll be Misses Timberlake." She blushed in response. "I'm doing it right the next time. Nothing's changed. I still wanna make you my wife someday. Then we'll have beautiful kids together. A boy and a girl. The boy will look like me. The girl will look like you." She laughed faintly; her eyes meeting his gaze. "She'll inherit your beautiful voice and those eyes of yours. I just melt looking into them." Her heart fluttered. He was always so good with his words. "She'll probably have that feisty attitude of yours."
"Well if we do have a boy, I hope he takes your looks. Everything about you is beautiful. Especially your eyes. I love the color of them. They change too, don't they?"
"Uhhh yeah. They do." He kept her gaze; a smile forming upon his lips. "You really think everything about me is beautiful?" She nodded yes.
"I do."
"Aww. That's so sweet." She chortled at his goofy behavior. "No girl has ever said that about me. That's the truth. Most of the time, they're saying that I'm annoying or immature."
"Well you can be. But that doesn't make you NOT beautiful in my eyes. That actually makes you special in your own way. I also believe that the way you treat me is what makes you beautiful too. Even though we have our moments, I know in the back of my mind that you love me. That you'll do anything for me."
"I'm glad you realize that. How much you mean to me." He leaned in, a few inches away from her face. "I really missed you." She bit the bottom of her lip teasingly; her eyes slowly gazing in on his lips.
"I missed you too. A lot." He leaned in closer, finally locking lips with hers. She slowly fell back on the carpet as he hovered on top of her. "Mmm." She moaned softly. "Justin..." Sounds of pleasure left her lips, echoing in his ear. "We need to get our act together soon." She spoke, kissing his earlobe and neck.
"Time. Time will reveal. That's all it takes." He pulled back to peer in her eyes. "Just be patient with me. That's all I ask. I promise it'll be worth your while."
"If you break this promise, I will NEVER forgive you."
"I know." He leaned back in to kiss her. "I won't."
Four months later (August 5, 2009) - Los Angeles, California
On and off again couple Beyoncé Knowles and Justin Timberlake were in the beginning of another childish argument of the many that they had. "So we're just gonna pretend like you never said that, right?" Beyoncé stood in the sound box in the studio with headphones on, arguing with Justin who was outside of the box and near the track board with Timbaland and his artist Kiley. "This is my song. I wrote it. How are you gonna tell me HOW to sing it?"
"I'm just giving you some constructive criticism. Why be a singer if you can't accept criticism?" He looked over at Timbaland then Kiley. "Kiley never fights with me when I give her my opinion."
"Kiley is YOUR artist. She's supposed to listen to you. Not me."
"So you don't think that my opinion matters? Your boyfriend. My feelings don't matter to you? Wow. I didn't know that's how it was between us. My bad." He stepped back, taking a seat on the sofa. "And then you wonder why people don't like working with you." He spat out.
"Excuse me?" Now the room was filled with silence. Even Justin didn't know what to say now because he knew he had crossed the line. "Can you maybe repeat yourself because I don't think I HEARD YOU!" She raised her voice and the microphone only enhanced it even more.
He shook his head pathetically while running his hand over his hair. "I'm not gonna fight with you. You're right. This is your song. Sing it however you want." She stood there eying him; heat wafting out of her ears. She was so pissed, she was actually lost of words. She knew if she didn't keep her mouth shut, the next thing she said would be impossible to take back.
"Can you just play the music again?" She spoke to Timbaland. "From the chorus." Justin sat back in his seat, reaching in his pocket for his cell phone. He was going to do whatever it took to get his mind off of this. Whether it was surfing the net, playing games or texting friends.
The music began to play and Beyoncé recorded her voice again. As she did this, she happened to be watching Justin as well. The way his expression changed while she was recording just ticked her off. She couldn't hold back anymore. "Stop the music." She instructed, quickly removing her headphones and stepping out of the sound box. "Will you guys excuse us? Please." He shut his eyes in frustration. Kiley, Timbaland and the few other people in the studio started leaving one by one. As soon as everyone left the room, she snatched his cell phone from him, reading whatever was on the screen.
"What are you doing?" She scanned the text message from a J.B.
"Who is this?" She quickly met his gaze. "Who's J.B?"
"Can I have my phone back?" He asked politely with his hand out.
"No. Not until you tell me who is J.B." She spoke with attitude. He kept her gaze; his temper slowly rising. The one thing he didn't tolerate was a woman going through his phone. It was his pet peeve and him and Britney used to go at it all the time for that reason alone.
"I said give me my phone back. Now." The tone in his voice ticked her off even more.
"I don't know what's your problem but if you think you can talk..." He stood up, reaching out to take the phone from her. The look in his eyes. It made her heart skip a beat. He had never looked at her this way. It was as if he despised her. As if he hated her. And believe it or not but it hurt her. She was more heart broken than anything which made her careless at whatever came next. "Why J.B? Why not the full name? Is it because it's another woman?" He laughed pathetically.
"Yeah. It's another woman. A friend." She looked away, her eyes forming with tears. "Now you wanna control who I hang out with? Who I text? That's what it's become now?"
"I don't know who you think you're talking to but I'm not gonna let you treat me however you please. First you try and tell me how to sing my own song. You try to embarrass me in front of your friends. Now you disrespect me. Text another fucking woman in front of me? You really think I'm gonna allow that?"
"I don't. Beyoncé, I know you. I know what kind of woman you are. So WHY would I do something so stu..." She swung her hand, slapping him hard across the face. He shut his eyes, feeling a stingy and burning sensation on his cheek immediately.
"That's the sad part. You think you have to prove yourself. Prove what a man you are. You did this because you didn't like the way I spoke to you. You think this is supposed to prove your masculinity? Well you're gonna wish you never did that." He watched her grab her things, heading towards the door.
"Bee..." She yanked the door open, barging out of the room. "Oh my god. Fucking..." He sighed heavily. "Just fucking great." He muttered.
Two hours after she left the studio, Justin was texting up a storm. He left probably a hundred texts within that time frame but she never replied to any of them. "You fucked up." Kiley spoke to him on her way out of the building. "I say you go and buy her some flowers and candy. Then beg your ass off."
"All I ask is that she listens to me every once in a while. I only mean well. I'm not trying to sabotage her career. She gets so competitive when I even say the wrong thing. Like earlier when I suggested she added the ad libbing part right after the second chorus. I thought it sounded better that way."
"One thing you gotta realize is that you have to just let her have her way. You will never win when it comes to a woman. Now this is coming FROM a woman. Stop with all of the back and forth unnecessary debating. You're never gonna win. And if you wanna keep her happy, just suck it up and agree with what she says. Even if she's wrong. Trust me."
"But how is that fair?" She shook her head at him.
"That's my point. It's not fair. But being the bigger person you are, you gotta let her think that she's right. You have to suck it up. Put the big ego you have aside and let her feel like she has the power. That she's important."
"Ha. You fucking women. I swear..." He sighed in frustration on his way to his car. "Any way, goodnight."
"Think about what I said. You'll see how fast she forgives you." He sat in his car, conveying it to life. "Night."
After Beyoncé had left, she went back home. She tried hitting the sack early so she could get up the next morning without any issues. But for some reason, it was difficult. She laid there with her eyes closed forcing herself to fall asleep. She was really never the one to sleep in so early but she wanted this night to pass. She wanted to stop thinking about her ass of a boyfriend who didn't know whether to be nice or mean to her.
Justin made it to Beyoncé's apartment by midnight. Just when she had successfully fallen asleep, she was awoken by a pair of lips grazing hers. She quickly opened her eyes, gazing directly into the pair of blue eyes. This startled her because she wasn't expecting to see him like this. He had completely caught her off guard. "I'm sorry." He held up a teddy bear holding a heart that read LOVE. "Mister Teddy Bear wants to say sorry too." She looked away, trying so hard not to laugh at his behavior. "Tell her Mister Teddy Bear. Tell her how SORRY I am." He spoke to the stuffed animal. "Mister Teddy Bear and I were talking on our way here. He agreed to be here for you and stick around till the end...of time. So whenever you look at him, you'll be reminded by me. How much I love you. So I'm gonna apologize ahead of time for all the STUPID things I'm gonna do because I know this isn't the end." She finally looked back to meet his gaze. "I know we're gonna have more fights and TONS of make up sex. Are you up for that?" A part of her was still angry. She couldn't stop thinking about what happened at the studio.
"I didn't appreciate that. It was like you were saying I was incompetent. And in front of your friends. Do you know how shitty that made me feel? You questioning me like that around the ONE woman you slept with when we were apart."
"I know. I know it was wrong." This took a lot for him. To agree with her even though he still felt like what he did wasn't wrong. He was taking a woman's advice for once. "I just want you to be happy. I can be a real jerk sometimes."
"All the time. You're an asshole all the time."
"Fine. I'm an asshole ALL the time. The point is, I don't want us to be angry with each other over this. It's not worth it."
"Well I want you to know if you do that again..."
"I know. I'll try to be a good boy from now on. It's gonna be a challenge, but I'm willing to try." She sat up, resting her back against the headboard. "I want you to sleep with Mister Teddy Bear. He'll keep you safe."
Three weeks later (August 26, 2009)
It was official to say that Beyoncé wasn't cheating on Justin. After the fight three weeks ago at the studio, Justin decided to plant a tiny camera in the teddy bear he gave her. He had paranoia and believed that she was still talking with Jay-Z because of rumors. But he had no right to make such an action considering he was friends and talking with J.B. better known as Jessica Biel.
"So where are we going tonight?" Beyoncé stood in the bathroom putting on her earrings. Justin sat on the bed in her room quickly trying to remove the camera from the teddy bear before she noticed.
"Uhhh that restaurant. The one we went to a few weeks ago."
"That one? That was a nice restaurant. So what's the special occasion?" She asked, peering out of the bathroom. At the time he was fiddling with her teddy bear. "What are you doing?" He quickly looked up to stare at her.
"Uhhh nothing. Just..." He flashed her a smile, trying not to look nervous. "I wanted to see where this thing was made." She returned an odd look.
"Why does it matter? It's beautiful." He laughed faintly.
"You're right. It doesn't matter. I was just...curious." He sat the bear down in front of her pillows. "Any way, you ready?"
"Um, yeah. I'll meet you in the car." He ambled towards the bedroom door, departing the room. Her eyes gazed in on the teddy bear sitting on the bed. She couldn't help but wonder why he was messing with it. It looked as if he was searching for something in it.
Five minutes later, Beyoncé exited the apartment, approaching the awaited car in the drive way. Justin sat there listening to the music on the radio as he waited for her appearance. She finally sat in the car and shut the door. He looked over at her; his eyes checking out her figure and wardrobe.
"You look beautiful." She smiled slightly, but never looking in his direction.
"Thanks." He put the car in reverse, backing out of the drive way.
On their way down the dark road there was no word spoken between them. Just music. And it was freezing in the car. She reached over to adjust the temperature. "Cold?"
"Yep." It took them another five minutes to get to the main highway. "So where are we going?"
"I told you. The restaurant we went to a few weeks ago. I thought it would be nice if we had dinner together."
"But wouldn't that blow our cover? People will see us and start to think things."
"Already got it covered. The owner is closing the restaurant for two hours so we could eat alone. I personally know him and he owed me a favor so..." Of course, she thought.
"You're always thinking ahead of time. I guess that's why you're so good at hiding other women." He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly because her voice sounded a bit muffled towards the end of that sentence.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." He reached out to turn the volume to the radio all the way down. "Did you say something?" She gritted her teeth angrily. Words couldn't express how heated she was. After he left the room, she decided to take a closer look at the teddy bear and that was when she found the tiny device. The device he used to spy on her for weeks.
"Forget it. I was talking to myself." He knew she was lying. She did say something and he really wanted to know what it was.
As soon as they made it to the restaurant, she stepped out of the car and approached the back entrance of the building. "Bee?" He quickly stepped out of the car, watching her go on without him. He followed behind her, using the remote to his car to lock the doors on his way inside. Beyoncé was already sitting at one of the dining tables talking with the owner.
"I have something special for you tonight. I'm going to bring out the appetizer first and..."
"Hey." Justin spoke, taking a seat at the table.
"Oh, evening Justin." He looked at his girlfriend who sat across from him looking serious with her gaze on the menu.
"Can I have the fudge brownie for dessert?" She spoke, looking up to stare at the owner.
"No problem. I'll go get the appetizer." He turned, walking off. Justin hadn't taken his eyes off her the whole time. For one, he was a little upset that she just left him the way she did. He knew her very well so he knew something was wrong. And that was when he thought about the teddy bear. Did she perhaps know?
"Is everything okay?" He asked, a bit nervous to hear her answer.
"Everything is peachy." She answered, observing the menu in front of her. "Although, I am curious to know what you were looking for." She added, slowly looking up to meet his gaze.
"I don't understand." He played dumb.
"Let's see..." She paused, leaning over the table while intertwining her fingers together. "Maybe you can start off by telling me what you were expecting? You did have suspicions, right? That's the reason why you would build up the nerve to put a camera in that teddy bear." She knew. She knew and this freaked him out because he knew this was the end. She wasn't going to forgive him for this. "Did you think I was cheating on you? Is that why you were spying on me?"
"I..." He had no idea what to say.
"You came to my apartment that night apologizing to me. Come to think of it, it was all just an act wasn't it? So you can plant that stupid teddy bear in my room. Why?" He was too ashamed to even look in her eyes. He sat there with his head down trying to think of something quick.
"I...I thought you were cheating. I thought you were still talking to Jay-Z."
"Oh..." She sat back, feeling herself get even more pissed. "So that gave you a right to violate MY privacy? Who do you think you are?" He met her heated gaze. "The NERVE of you to put a camera in my room. Especially since you're talking with other women. J.B. You STILL haven't told me who that was but you know what? It doesn't matter. Do what you wanna do. Cheat. Fuck other women. But don't think I will stick around knowing you're doing that." He watched her stand up, grabbing her purse. "Excuse me."
"Beyoncé..." He thought she was leaving the restaurant but when he saw her heading towards the restroom, he felt a bit relieved. At the same time, this wasn't over. He could feel it.
The owner returned with the appetizer platter. "Enjoy. I have something very special on the menu for you and the lady." He flashed him a smile.
"Thanks. I really appreciate this."
"No problem." He turned, making his way back to the kitchen. Justin sat there waiting in anticipation for Beyoncé to come back. He had a shit load of begging to do. That was if she even allowed it.
She finally made it back to the table, taking her seat. He watched her, hesitant to say a word. What could he say besides that he was sorry? Maybe he could start off by explaining.
"I don't know if you've noticed but I'm an insecure guy. I love you. I've never felt this way over a woman before. So I'm afraid of losing you."
"Yeah?" She met his gaze. "If that were so true, what the hell are you waiting for? You're afraid of someone else taking me. Then marry me. Make me your wife."
"Is that what you want? I mean...now. You really wanna marry me right now?" She sat back while shutting her eyes, trying to fight the tears back. "Tell me. If that's what you REALLY want right now then fine. I will marry you." She shook her head.
"No. I...I can't. You're not ready. You just wanna keep me tied down. Control me until you are. Who the hell is J.B?" There was no point in keeping it from her any longer.
"Jessica. I've recently...became friends with Jessica Biel."
"And who is she? Did you sleep with her?" He rolled his eyes.
"No. I..."
"I bet you thought about it. You've slept with all of your friend girls. So I know she's next. What were you trying to do? Keep her on the side in case it didn't work out with us? In case we broke up temporarily so you can go and fuck her...have your fun until you were ready to come back to me? THAT'S the game you've been playing. At first I didn't care but now I'm getting so fed up with it. If you're not ready to marry me now then we can't be." He flashed her an unbelievable look.
"What? Bee, that's not fair."
"FUCK what's fair! I'm just..." She paused, trying so hard to keep her composure. She was never the person to cause drama in public. She had to remember where she was. "I don't wanna talk about this right now. I'm gonna try to enjoy this dinner but by the time we get back to my place, you've better made your mind up." She turned in her seat, facing the other tables in the room. She couldn't stand the sight of him. It only made her even more furious.
"Is this because of the camera? The ultimatum. I just don't understand where this big change came from. You were willing to wait until I was ready. Now you're telling me I have to choose. I can either marry you now or lose you. If I choose to wait, will you be there when I AM ready?" She laughed pathetically.
"I guess I have my answer." She spoke inaudibly. "Justin, I was sorta expecting this from you." She spoke, meeting his gaze. "I had a feeling you wouldn't agree. So let's just...let's eat. Enjoy this dinner because it'll be the last time we sit together at a table again."
"Oh my god. Really? Look, I'm sorry about what I did. I shouldn't have invaded your privacy. But this, you're going out of control with this. You really wanna end everything? I still love you. My feelings haven't changed. Just because I'm not ready to walk down the aisle yet doesn't mean I don't care about you. I'm willing to wait so WE...the both of us can walk into it without any worries. Any regrets. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't wanna betray you. That's the last thing I wanna do. That's the only reason why I'm waiting. My parents divorced. I always told myself that it would be different for me. I wanna change that. Because when I marry you, there won't be a divorce. Divorce isn't an option." She sat there with tears in her eyes. She was an emotional wreck and she didn't know what to do at this point. "I know you're the woman I wanna spend my life with and have kids with. I'm sure of it. THAT'S the only reason why I'm not rushing into this. It's not worth it."
"What's to think about?" She asked, her voice filled with hurt. "You're so sure I'm the one. So what are you waiting for?" He noticed the tear rolling from her eye and down her cheek. "I don't understand."
"It's because I'm not ready that..." He paused, gathering up his thoughts. "I know if we marry now, I will hurt you. I'm sure of it. Because I'm not done. I'm young and I know the type of person I am. Our relationship is so different. It's like none of the friendships I've ever had. It's special. I can trust you. And you know I will make sacrifices for you. But this isn't...forcing me to marry you right now won't be a good idea. It won't prove anything. The only thing it will prove is my immaturity. I wanna get all of this out of my system before I make that move. And only I will know when I'm ready. You can't change me. Only time will."
"So..." She blinked her eyes, ridding of the tears. "You've been sleeping with other women while we were together?"
"No. Never. But during our separation. Every time. I can't help it. It just...it happens. Sometimes I even hope that we get into a fight so we can break up. That way I can take all of my frustration out on some other woman. I know it's childish. That's why I can't marry you right now. I can't put you through kinda pain."
"Well you're putting me through pain now. You said you trust me. That's fucking bullshit. If you trusted me you wouldn't have put a hidden camera in my teddy bear." She had a really good point.
"That's not..." He began but found himself lost of words instantly.
"What? No more excuses? You can't lie anymore? Is that it?"
"I'm not lying to you." She sat back, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I'm not even hungry anymore. You ruined a perfectly good day. I just...I wanna go home." She bit down on her shaky lip. "I can't stand you right now. I can't even look at you." She concealed her face with the palm of her hand as she broke down. "Father's know best. My dad knew. He could see through you. He could see you were no good for me."
"Bee..." He stood up, taking a seat next to her. "That's not true. You know that. You know I love you. I always have. Nothing's changed."
"That's the problem. All these years and you're still the same." She looked away to stare at him, revealing the tears in her eyes. "You're still not ready." He reached out to hold her hand.
"I love you. If you..." He paused, keeping her gaze. "I'm willing to make sacrifices. I'm willing to try. I will do anything for you. Anything to make you happy." He reached up to touch her face. "You really wanna get married? Is this what you want now?"
"I want you to trust me. Not put cameras in my room. It's the biggest betrayal ever. I can't believe you would even think of something like that. And with me? Me out of all people."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. What do you want me to do?" He seemed very remorseful. She could see it in his glossy eyes. "It will never happen again. You have my word. Don't make a decision built on your hate for me right now. Don't do something you can never take back. I know I deserve whatever's to come. You want me to earn YOUR trust back? Fine. I'll do whatever it takes. But I can't lose you. And I can't...I can't marry you right now. I hope you understand that. I hope you can try to understand. This is a decision I will stick by because I know it's only for the good of this relationship. I'm just trying to protect you. I know I can't go wrong by doing that." She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Okay." She sighed heavily. "I won't pressure you into marrying me right now. But I won't forget about this. I forgive you for being stupid." She lifted her head to peer in his eyes. "I hope you understand when I say that we should...we should take a break."
"What do you mean? Space? You want space?"
"I think it's for the best. You need to get it all out of your system. So go. You have my blessing."
"What? Aha. You really think I'm gonna go and sleep with another woman because you said so? It's not the same. I can't..."
"What? You have to be angry with me in order to follow through?"
"It's just not the same." He reached over to grab an appetizer from off the plate. "I won't. If you want your space, fine. I'll give that to you. But I won't sleep with another woman because you said I should."
"But you will. I know you. And I know you can't resist." She grabbed a cheese cracker from off the plate, looking over at him while taking a bite out of it.
She was right. But that also depended on how long she wanted her space. He was a man after all with needs. The max he could go without it was two months.
Would it be that long? Or even longer than that?