Tammy's arms were all over me when I wrapped my hands around her thighs and felt her wrap her legs around my waist as I held her against the fridge. Tammy always makes things harder, including my... thing. But the problem is that no matter how much I want to get lost in her, no matter how much I want to take her to my bed and make her yell my name I can't stop thinking about how wrong it is.
"We can't do this Tammy..." I said to her but I knew that unless she wanted, I had no intentions to stop.
"Yes, we can... we shouldn't but we can Cal!" She said as I kissed all over her neck.
Her hands tugged my hair and it drove me insane. I held her and walked to my room ignoring the ice cream we were supposed to be eating. Our lips never parted and I felt like I couldn't get enough of her but in my head a voice reminded me that this is wrong. I'm not the kind of guy who fucks a girl behind her boyfriend's back, but Tammy made this promise hard to keep. I feel like she's releasing everything bad in me because I can't control myself when I'm around her. I feel like everything stops and for the time we're together she owns me and I'm at her mercy.
"You bring out the devil in me!" I said out of breath.
"It's alright, tomorrow we'll both go to church." Tammy said quickly undressing my shirt.
I felt like I could control everything and nothing at all. As Tammy planted kisses on my skin, leaving kisses all over my stomach and my chest, I felt my jeans getting tighter and tighter and I knew that if she kept kissing me like that I could come in my pants in a matter of minutes.
Knowing I wouldn't last long I tried to gather myself and quickly grabbed her by her waist slamming her against the mattress.
"It's about you! It's always about you!" I said attaching my lips to hers as my hands made their way to her jeans.
Once her jeans where somewhere in my room, I kissed my way along her legs stopping on her thighs, I knew that I drive her crazy.
"Tell me you want me! Tell me you want me and I'll be yours tonight." I said, sounding like never before as my voice cracked with desire. I knew I wanted her even though she wasn't mine.
"I want you Calum! You know I..." She said gasping for air as I touched her through her underwear.
"I can make you come just by touching you, we don't have to have sex..." I said resting my head on her shoulder.
"I want... everything... and I want you... in me..." She said as her hands flew to my jeans unbuttoning them.
In a matter of seconds her naked body glowed under me and mine ached beyond words for my relief, but I had to suck it up because Tammy's my priority.
I kissed her and just when I managed to distract her with my kiss, I touched her, feeling how wet she was, and knowing it was because of me... fuck, I could come in my pants by that thought only.
Her moans were muffled by my mouth at each time I pumped my fingers in and out of her, and I knew I was pushing her to her edge when her body started shaking under mine.
"I won't last much longer Cal I need you in me." She said shaking and taking a hold of my wrist.
I felt like I was about to burst when I finally undressed my underwear. I was on top of Tammy when I remembered... Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
"Tammy, we have to stop..."
"What? Why?" She asked not letting go of my arms.
"I'm going to get a condom..."
"You don't, I'm on birth control!"
"Are you sure about this?" I asked not wanting her to regret anything.
"I want you in me!" She said kissing me like her life depended on that one kiss.
I kissed her, took a hold of her breast and felt my body being instant relieved as I pushed myself into her.
"Calum..." She moaned my name with each thrust. "Would you... let me ride you?"
I'm focusing hard just to last as long as possible but she's not helping my cause, she's just making it harder.
"I won't last as long..."
"I don't care!"
I turned us over and soon she was over me. If Tammy wants to ride me, who am I to say no?
With her hands on my chest I felt Tammy tighten around me driving me up the wall. She looked heavenly with her eyes closed pushing herself onto me. I don't know how long it passed but soon I felt myself coming as her name fell from my lips right before Tammy screamed my name one last time.
She was exhausted, I could tell and I had no words for what we just experienced. Her hands were on my stomach as she tried to keep herself together. I grabbed her arms and pulled her to my chest, in hopes to gather her in my embrace and letting her stay on top of me for a while as we both tried to recover our breath.
Everything was always so intense with Tammy.
When we finally got ourselves together, Tammy took her place next to me but I still didn't let go of her.
"I have a confession to make." I said unsure if I should tell her the truth or not.
Tammy's eyes were on me as I kissed her bare skin and loved this moment more than I should.
"You're the first girl that has ever been in my bed." I said quietly as I kept drawing circles on her hip.
Everything fell into silence and I had no idea if I talked too much or what on earth Tammy was thinking, only to make me fell even worse than how I'm feeling.
"Why?" She asked suddenly and surprising me with her question.
"It's going to sound weird coming from me but the truth is that I don't know what the future will bring me and I don't want a girl I love laying in a place where other girls laid with me in case one day I wake up and decide that I want a relationship after all." I said not fighting the urge to pull Tammy close to me wrapping her in my embrace.
"Then why am I here?"
"You're not a one night stand Tammy, just so you know. A one night stand is a onetime thing and the truth is that we've done this twice and to mention the rest." I said for the first time admitting out loud that Tammy meant more than any other girl I've been with. I don't think I've ever looked at her as a one night stand.
"Calum, please don't... don't think of me as something... different." What does that mean? "We shouldn't have done this again..." Tammy said as she stroked my hair and I caressed the side of her stomach.
"I think that the key word here is "again". Why did we do it again?" I asked but I didn't know what answer to expect.
"Calum I don't want to answer that."
"Why not? We have to talk about this sooner or later." I said sitting up and looking at her unwilling to let this go so easily.
"Because I have a boyfriend, Calum, that's why." She said sitting with a sheet wrapped around her glowing body. "A boyfriend who loves me."
"You keep saying he loves you Tammy but something can't be right between you two. Otherwise you wouldn't be here right now" I said probably way too harsh. "From what you told me your boyfriend doesn't seem to treat you like he should, in fact he seems to be the controlling kind of boyfriend and I'm nobody to judge..."
"Then don't Calum!"
"Look, I might not know you as well as your friend or your boyfriend does but you're not the king of girl to be put on a leash. And you can tell me if I'm wrong but your fear goes beyond your boyfriend leaving you if he finds out we're both laying naked in my bed right now!"
We were both silent and I knew I screwed up but I don't care as long as Tammy understands that no one should settle for less than what they deserve.
"If you talk to me, maybe I can help." I said hopping Tammy would open up and let me in.
"It's not your place to help me Calum, besides there's nothing to help me with. I'm sorry if you thought this was something different but it's not. It's this. It's me cheating on a guy who loves me with someone I barely know and it's you having sex with a girl you barely know. Nothing more and nothing less... I'm sorry Calum." She said as she stood up and I watched her grab her clothes and walk to the bathroom closing the door behind her.
I couldn't describe what I felt but it was like a hole was open in my chest and at the same time I had a weight on top of me that was much heavier that I could handle and it was crushing me. I didn't know what I was looking for in this whole thing with Tammy, the only thing I know is that something inside me burns whenever I'm with her and my chest stings when she goes away and that's what makes me come back... she makes it stop because when I'm with her, she's the only thing I can focus on and that makes me forget all the rest.
My fist connected with the mattress at the same time the bathroom door opened and Tammy walked out fully dressed.
"I think I'll be going now." She said standing by the door as she looked at me.
"I'll drive you back!" I said getting up and quickly getting dressed.
"I just said what I said and you still want to drive me back to the hotel?" She asked staring at me. She really gets surprised with the smallest things.
"You could beat me up and I'd still drive you back."
"I'd never hurt you like that."
"There are other ways to hurt people and I'd never let you know if you hurt me like that."
We drove in silence as I kept thinking, how can in one minute everything be fine and the next one Tammy's walking away from me and practically say we mean nothing to each other?
I parked in front of the hotel and everything outside seemed peaceful and calm.
"I'm really sorry about tonight Cal, I really am!" She said not daring to look at me.
"I'm sorry too..." I said being honest.
I watched her unbuckle her seatbelt and open the door but one more question so I could sleep tonight.
"Tammy?..." She looked at me and I realized I was holding her wrist. I let go of her and looked in her eyes hopping they'd give me the answers I was looking for. "If Jason hurt you, would you tell me?"
"He doesn't Calum, he loves me." She said looking at me but avoiding my eyes.
"You keep telling me he loves you but do you love him?" I asked as a voice in my head kept asking why I care and reminding me it has nothing to do with me.
"Jason is my boyfriend, Calum..."
"That doesn't answer my question and you know it."
"Why does that matter to you? Why do you care? You don't know what it's like to be in love with someone." She said and she didn't know but she was pushing me to my limit.
"How do you know? How can you be so sure?" I asked knowing we were both pissing each other off.
"Maybe I should go..."
"Tammy, listen I'm sorry, okay? I just care for you." I admitted.
"I care for you too Calum. That's why I have to go... because people might think you don't feel but you do. You feel more than what you let people see and I don't want to hurt you."
I watched her walk away and for a couple of minutes I was just there sitting in my car trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter.
But it does.
I kept trying with Tammy, I tried everything to please her and it's still not enough for her to open up. I don't know why I want her to talk to me but if felt that since the moment I saw her.
We had a night of sex that showed me heaven and once we came back to reality I was sent straight down to hell just because I decided to confess she was the first girl to be in my bed. I guess that the truth is right there and I knew it all along, she's not like other girls, everything's different with her. I feel different.
I finally drove away not sure what to think. I know I'll see her again but will I be with her again?